16 thoughts on “Feedback for Katelyn”

  1. From reading your essay I actually felt happy that I didn’t get into that specialized high school. The details you included just made it seem like it was a really horrible place to be at for 4 years. Especially how your described your gym teacher and them telling you that whatever you were going through is only your problem and the fact that you still got a failing grade.

    I think you need to structure your essay a Little better because it seemed like there were sentences all over the place.

  2. I really like how you learned from this experience even though your 4 years of high school weren’t as you expected it taught you to be independent, I do think you should discuss that more throughout the essay and just add more details.

  3. you have some deep worded details but I think you can add more to the essay  such as, n how you felt about taking  67 test and how did you deal with it? what caused you to almost fail gym? how did you improve your grades during school and Deven in summer school? there are several points that you can expand to include more details also you can add the teacher name overall its a good draft.

  4. I love how your essay was structured, there was good amount of details, it would be nice if you spoke more on how your freshman year made you feel. Dialogue would be nice.a good piece of detail to add would be how it felt going to a different school than your friends.overall I enjoyed your essay

  5. your essay was very interesting, some of the vocabulary words make it interesting to read. something you could add is talk about more about your emotions and who helped you overcome the problem. Also I liked how you organize your essay and the details that you put.

  6. I enjoyed how at the end of the essay you said ” the only person you have is yourself”. I believe this is very true and I really liked how you made this a learning experience instead of being upset about it. But there were some parts you could have went in depth more like how did you decide to get motivated again?

  7. I really liked how you found high school as life experience even though it was worst 4 years of your life . also what you said on last paragraph that you have to look at the positive side. I want know more about how did you interact with your classmates.

  8. I really like your essay and how you described your high school experience, you should expand on the past friendships that made it hard for you to trust. Your intro was also a little boring, you should try asking a question in the intro to catch attention from the readers.

  9. I like how you describe your experience in high school and also how you have the motivation to grow up.

  10. I liked your essay. Your vocabulary use and the way you word your sentences were pretty interesting to read. Maybe add more detail on your emotions, close people you knew in school, just basically more detail.

  11. I liked how honest you were about your high school experience.I also like how much details you put into those moments. You should put more details about your personal emotion how things affected you in those situation.What were you thinking in those moments.

  12. I liked how your essay was structured and how you were able to explain your high school experience as well as your vocabulary. However, I feel like you should explain what happened in your past friendships that created trust issues for you. I also think you should add more details about your freshman year. But, I really did enjoy your essay.

  13. Your essay has good structure and good amount of details. Something I would suggest is to add more narrative. Maybe you can add dialogue, your personal opinion/feelings , or more details in certain situations like in your freshman year

  14. I sort of connected with this essay because it reminded me of how I grew up in high school, where making friends was a hard thing to do since no one really liked each other. This is a good essay.

  15. I love the structure of your essay from the beginning to the end. And how you added tremendous amount of details about your high school. I can relate because I almost failed gym in 12th grade and it was a struggle. I think that you should add detail  about “why and how you failed gym?” ( what did you do to fail gym!).

  16. I enjoyed reading about your experience even thought it was a rough one to go through. You gave good details on your experience and how you were able to come back from that. Also there was good structure which made it easy to read. The only thing is to add a few more details on your experience to give the reader a sense of what’s really going on.

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