Crispin Thys (Essay 1 draft)
Intro
I chose to write about the story which depicts a man having a friend fix the button on his coat after a fight ensues on a bus. In Queneau’s stories he uses great detail to explain the story from that specific perspective. Oftentimes his depiction relies on a lot of sensory detail. Each of the perspectives that I wrote about, come from a place of vulnerability, a place of helplessness. The first perspective is that of the bus itself. I chose to write about this point of view because I felt that the interpretation from the point of view of the bus itself would be an interesting viewpoint, which would emphasize the damage done to our surroundings that might occur when a fight ensues. This damage is often done with little regard to the property itself. The bus could not do anything other than accept the beating it was taking, and was forced to watch from a submissive position. The second interpretation of the story that I wrote about was that of the bus driver. I also interpreted his viewpoint to be from a position of desperation because he normally has control of his bus, and takes great pride in its efficient functionality, but during this scenario he lost control and could not calm the raucous on the back of the bus. The third interpretation of the story that I wrote about was that of a fellow passenger. I chose to use a passenger who does not normally take the bus, but was forced to do so today to ensure that all three perspectives shared similarities in that they came from a helpless, desperate point of view, but the details were unique to their situation. In writing using these three perspectives, with three different tones, that all come from places of desperation and submissiveness, I hope to convey the less often considered notion that we, as human beings, are subject to the conditions instilled upon us by our surroundings. Under normal circumstances humans are used to being at the top of the food chain, altering the environment around us, but in many cases, nature is too powerful, and we, just as the bus, the bus driver, and the passenger, must adapt to the conditions.
The Bus
They fill me up as they always have. I sit in the hot sun as they load more and more bodies onto me. They cram more and more people into my seats, without regard for the work I do to transport them. Expressing little appreciation for my hard work, they focus more on each other and how they are inconvenienced. Each person is different, one in particular with a long neck, more into himself than the rest. Another one of them, less appreciative of me, but more angry at his situation. Their pain felt by all, they break out into arguments against each other. Me, and all of my parts, the last thing on their mind. After the fight, they look disheveled with their clothing all misaligned. They express no sympathy for the damage they have done to me. Seats torn. Window scratched. Focused on himself, the man has a friend fixing the button on his coat. Nobody fixes the damage, which has been handed to me.
The Bus Driver
You usually have the regulars, but today was different. Strangers alike, they each get on my bus giving me a nod as they walk up the steps. I take good care of my bus. It serves the community well, and it provides me a lifestyle. Hot from the body heat of everyone on board, I do my best to open the windows to provide a little bit of comfort to my passengers. A tall man with his chin pointed towards the clouds enters the bus. He doesn’t seem like my normal passengers. He has a bow on his hat. The bodies and the heat inconvenienced another passenger, an older fellow. Neither recognizes that we all share the same conditions. The older gentleman explodes in anger, only to be met with disdain from the fancy fellow in the back. A fight ensues. I try my best to reintroduce peace into the situation, but like the little regard they have for my bus, little regard they have for my voice. I no longer have control. The damage is unavoidable, but it is fixable, just as the button was fixable on the one man’s coat.
The Passenger
I never take the bus. I hate the crowds. I hate the smell. I hate the traffic. I hate the jerky movements. But my car broke down, and I had to take the bus today. I went in with an open mind, hoping to be pleasantly surprised, but I quickly recalled exactly how much I hate the bus. The bus was hot and humid. The sun shined down on the bus, and bodies seemed to radiate steam. Everyone was frustrated as more bodies crowded on the bus, but most people managed to keep calm enough. One crotchety old man caused a raucous expressing his dissatisfaction only to be met with the force of another passenger. What was already an uncomfortable situation for me, quickly escalated into my worst nightmare. More heat. More energy. More noise. More being pushed around. More arguing. The bus ride from hell continued, but I couldn’t get off. I had to take the bus today, and I had no other option. After the fight I noticed a man out the window having the button on his shirt fixed. This is the last time that I will ever take the bus.
Conclusion
This assignment required a great deal of creative writing. I think what I struggled with most was thinking of different perspectives from which to write. It initially seemed that Queneau used every possible style and interpretation imaginable. After I thought about all of the players involved, however, I realized that there was great potential to write with a unique style, taking the perspective of innocent, passive, members of the story. This allowed me to see that there are always multiple sides to a story. A story is told by one individual, but the story might come across entirely different from the perspective of someone, or in the case of the bus above, something, else. This assignment allowed me to realize that an interpretation can really be very diverse. It can focus on sensory details like Queneau’s examples writing from an olfactory or visual sense. An interpretation can also focus on other physical details or even mental details, as can be done by approaching the scenario considering the unique situation of everyone involved. I think that this assignment translates quite nicely to the outside world where it is important to consider that every situation has multiple interpretations. It is important for us to consider each interpretation of events, and not focus solely on a single interpretation or a single report of the events. One could argue that examples of the different sides to a story are more evident in the current news cycle than ever before. In the recent weeks you have had a great deal of civil unrest, and everyone seems to have a different opinion or perspective. You have the voice of the peaceful protestors, and the angry rioters. You have the voice of the police who are protective of their profession, and the police who recognize a need for change. You have the voice of the news anchors, and those they bring on their show. Everyone seems to have a voice, but each voice is different, and all parties must be heard. Queneau does a great job providing a voice to each sense, and each perspective. I hope that through this assignment I was able to provide a voice to the other people involved in the scene, and to an even greater degree, I hope that you listened.
Hi Crispin,
I really enjoyed reading your first draft. To write in the style of the bus, bus driver and passenger was interesting read. Especially from the perspective of the bus. That captivated me more because the way you personified the bus to have feelings and emotions “They express no sympathy for the damage they have done to me.” I caught myself feeling kind of sad for a bus. So I enjoyed the way you personified that. It would be also interesting as a suggestion to maybe elaborate more on the bus perspective because It was different. I also enjoyed the passenger’s side as well. You created another story line for the passenger by giving us the background details of the passenger’s car breaking down and they had to take this bus ride from hell today. I also enjoy your descriptive writing “The sun shined down on the bus, and bodies seemed to radiate steam.” I enjoy descriptive writing like this as it paints a picture in my head with the story you’re telling. Overall I’m looking forward to reading your final draft.
Hello Crispin,
Your first draft is very moving. Your ideas are well organized and the details are clear an to the point. You took a very creative stance on both perspectives. Personification was well executed when writting in the perspective of the bus. Its very challenging to turn an in adamite into a living organism with living emotions. You were successfully able to make me, as the reader, feel for the bus’s pain. For example, “They fill me up as they always have. I sit in the hot sun as they load more and more bodies onto me. They cram more and more people into my seats, without regard for the work I do to transport them.”. This quote shows how the bus’s job is an agonizing one, as if the bus is suffering everyday to complete it’s task. You also touch on the barbarism of the human species through their lack of awareness for how they carelessly destroy their environment due to self intentions. For example, “Their pain felt by all, they break out into arguments against each other. Me, and all of my parts, the last thing on their mind”. You were able to use imagery and sensory details very well in your vocabulary to convince the reader that this bus is a living thing. Your writting was very detailed and creatively worded.
I also think that you can improve more on showing how deeply impacted the bus was from this altercation. Try to use more imagery to explain how things were destroyed, go deeper. Try to make it even more detailed than it already is. Try to use more dialogue to express the full emotion being felt by the bus.
Thanks Brittny, it was not easy for me because of work but i did my best. I really appreciate your comment. Twisting stories is easy, especially the Queneau’s one. His style is clear and very understandable.
Hello Crispin,
I really enjoyed reading your first draft. One thing that really caught my attention is how you used the prospective of the bus, the passenger and the bus driver. It was very unique on how you chose the bus itself specifically, I thought that was clever and I would’ve never thought someone would chose an object to see it’s point of view. I think you should add on a little bit more to ” the bus ” part of your essay but other than that, the rest of the essay was interesting to read and can’t wait to see the final draft.
One thing I forgot to mention was how in ” the passenger ” you mentioned ” The sun shined down on the bus, and bodies seemed to radiate steam. ” which shows how you were descriptive. It’s like you used the style of visual since you were detailed and it made me understand that it was very hot that day. Like I said great essay and can’t wait to see the final.
Thanks guys foe your feedback. I will take your concerns into considerations and revised the draft.
Hello Crispin,
I really enjoyed reading your essay in the different perspectives portrayed on the point of view of the bus, the bus driver, and the passenger. Your conclusion was very detailed and gave more insight on your perspective and thoughts. Great work!
Hi Crispin,
I loved reading your first draft. Everything was clear and precise. I never thought about using the account of an object so I especially enjoyed reading the bus’ narrative. I understood each perspective which is weird to say because on of them was a bus. Your conclusion was clear and understood what you were saying about understanding each interpretation rather than a single one. The only thing I would say to improve is in your conclusion , there are a lot of run on sentences. They don’t take away from your point but it would make your final essay cleaner if you fixed that.
I really liked reading your draft and to write in the style of the bus, bus driver, and the passenger was an interesting read. I feel though everyone already stated everything on to improve the draft. I just wanted to say it was really good and enjoyable to read overall.
It was entertaining reading your essay. The introduction and conclusion were written well. In your introduction you took the time to introduce the content of the body. All three versions of your story are interesting. Especially, I think the point of view from the bus is very unique “They express no sympathy for the damage they have done to me”. You could add a little more to your body paragraphs.
Good ready, well thought out essay. I found the bus POV very interesting we never do take into account how we treat inanimate objects huh lol! Both intro and conclusion very well wrote the body paragraphs could use a little more meat on them but still very good read.
I think that writing from the perspective of the bus was a very interesting idea. I learned that it can be interesting to create a story from a non-living thing’s point of view. I really liked the quote from your essay, “Everyone seems to have a voice, but each voice is different, and all parties must be heard.” I agree with the previous comments to make stories a little more descriptive.
I think your essay was very impressive to read. Your perspective of writing is very understandable especially for using the perspective of the bus. Often times we use perspectives of different individuals but for being able to do that I think you are a good writer keep it up.
The Bus’s perspective was very excellent. “Me and all my parts, the last thing on their mind”. I never would have thought of things to say in that perspective. I see nothing wrong with your essay.
Crispin,
You wrote a fantastic essay. You describe the life of commuters like me when I travel to school or somewhere else. Please also include your personal experience either on the bus or subway. Please elaborate more on the situations you have encounter, whether it is you or what you’ve witnessed.
Best Wishes,
Jesse Abarro