Hey Haziq! I love how you combined the two stories into 1 by using the same main character! I really liked how you changed the characters and details! How come the brother didn’t take all of his sister’s stolen things and return it all to her? And why replace the necklace with a fake? Overall, I thought it was great but go back and check for grammatical errors! There’s only a few. Like I told the others I gave feedback to, I like to use something called Grammarly, it’s free and suggests corrections!
(Feedback) Hello Haziq, I think your essay is my favorite one haha, you used two good shows and one good movie to get your ideas across. I enjoyed the plot and you had left me at suspense. I would suggest maybe adding another perspective so we can understand a little more as to why the parents only favor the sister, and maybe add an ending to the story. I would also suggest adding a conclusion where you state what you struggled with and what you learned from writing this essay.
You did a fantastic job on your essay. I liked how you used a lot of details in your essay and how you managed to write from two perspectives in one story. I learned that people pretend well and someone who you used to call “friend” might be a stranger to you. This story made me think of the song “Best Friends” by Bring Me The Horizon. The song states, “True friends stab you in the front.” My suggestion to you is to write how the sister and parents reacted when the necklace got returned to them.
Hey Haziq, I love the concept of these stories and how the son was overshadowed by his sister, it felt very real. I learned that favoriting one child over another can lead to a lot of mental stress of the ignored kid, hence we see the son wondering why his sister is the favorite. I would suggest that you look at the essay over to see that there are some typos and errors, also organizing the essay a bit better. Personally I just found it hard to see which story is which and to keep up but overall a great concept and essay.
Hey Haziq! I love how you combined the two stories into 1 by using the same main character! I really liked how you changed the characters and details! How come the brother didn’t take all of his sister’s stolen things and return it all to her? And why replace the necklace with a fake? Overall, I thought it was great but go back and check for grammatical errors! There’s only a few. Like I told the others I gave feedback to, I like to use something called Grammarly, it’s free and suggests corrections!
(Feedback) Hello Haziq, I think your essay is my favorite one haha, you used two good shows and one good movie to get your ideas across. I enjoyed the plot and you had left me at suspense. I would suggest maybe adding another perspective so we can understand a little more as to why the parents only favor the sister, and maybe add an ending to the story. I would also suggest adding a conclusion where you state what you struggled with and what you learned from writing this essay.
You did a fantastic job on your essay. I liked how you used a lot of details in your essay and how you managed to write from two perspectives in one story. I learned that people pretend well and someone who you used to call “friend” might be a stranger to you. This story made me think of the song “Best Friends” by Bring Me The Horizon. The song states, “True friends stab you in the front.” My suggestion to you is to write how the sister and parents reacted when the necklace got returned to them.
Hey Haziq, I love the concept of these stories and how the son was overshadowed by his sister, it felt very real. I learned that favoriting one child over another can lead to a lot of mental stress of the ignored kid, hence we see the son wondering why his sister is the favorite. I would suggest that you look at the essay over to see that there are some typos and errors, also organizing the essay a bit better. Personally I just found it hard to see which story is which and to keep up but overall a great concept and essay.