https://docs.google.com/document/d/1xpkIHE5KJohNf-Fkkqt2104N-Ou8dz1U-kWXai9DX_c/edit?usp=sharing
Essay Assignment #1
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(Feedback) What I learned from your essay was that both interpretations were very different of course. They show a solid point between what the mother and the thief are both thinking about. My suggestion to you would be to check your grammar as there seems to be a lot you need to fix. The funniest thing that I found was that both of our conclusions say almost the same thing haha. Overall, I really liked your perspective of the story, and both the mother and thief and how you came about to writing your essay. Keep up the good work!
Emanuel,
This is a phenomenal essay. I really liked the two different perspectives that you included from both the mother and the thief. The fact that you used actual Spanish sentences really helped sell the story and the perspective (and including the English translation allowed me to understand!). You expressed the plight of the mother very well, using ethos to draw the reader in and form an empathetic reaction in the readerâs mind. Your perspective from the point of view of the thief was interesting. Be careful, though, because I noticed some sentences that seemed like they could flow better. For example, you wrote, âIt was an afternoon, I was hanging out with my Dominican friend Junot, well or so he thought that I was his friend.â The ending to this âwell or so he thought that I was his friend.â is a little bit confusing to me. Try to read it out loud to recognize the oddity. You also forgot an I in Dominican. Otherwise, fantastic job!!
Emanuel,
I like your story. I like how you relate the story to your experiences, also when you are writing things like this. Please check your grammar, elaborate on the situation with your children like how did the money ended up on your son. Include what made you write this story, and how you dealt with it. Elaborate also on how you and your husband work together to save the amount of money.
Overall, it is all fantastic.
I learned that the decisions we make have cause and effects, and they can either be negative or positive. I like the both perspectives you chose to write about. You gave a lot of detail and context on the back story leading up to the main event. Having context allows the reader to develop a image of how to view each character so that helps a lot. There were some grammatical errors you need to fix. Great essay overall.
I really enjoyed your essay. I enjoyed the perspectives you used to write this. I learned how beneficial it can be to add the Spanish with the translations as it keeps Junot Diaz’s style of writing as well. I think you can change the minor grammatical errors and can elaborate some more towards the conclusion. Also you can work on transitions between paragraphs and new ideas.
I liked that you wrote all the things that grandparents said in Spanish and then translated it into English. After reading your essay I learned that some people talk about their life and problems with others not even thinking about what it can lead to. I like the quote, âHere we can see how fake people can be, they show you one side but on the other side they stab you in the back.â One suggestion that I have for you is to check your grammar. Additionally, use transition words in your essay to make it smoother.
Hello Emanuel,
I found your essay very unique because of incorporating dialogs in a different language. This made the story more credible and gave it authenticity. In your essay, you mentioned âI started spending some of the money for stupid things, things that I didnât really need but just want to buyâ I was always a compulsive buyer, thus naturally this sentence captured my attention immediately. What I have learned is that there are so many ways to capture the reader’s attention. If you can add more to your conclusion that would be great.
(feedback)
Hey Emanuel,
I really liked you essay from the two points you decided to included because it gives more of an perspective of what the mother might have went through to save that money and also how she felt when the money was lost, which I think you did a great job adding that and also the thief perspective as well. Overall good job with these two interpretations.
hello Emanuel,
Good job overall in your interpretation of the essay. The perspectives you used were certainly interesting and The use of a different language certainly made it interesting to read. I think you had only one spelling error which was ” gass ” so if you correct that I think your essay is fabulous.
Hi Emmanuel,
Your essay draft was a good read. Your introduction was precise as it told me clearly youâll be interpreting âThe Moneyâ by Junot Diaz from the perspective of the mother and the thief. I thought it was creative when you wrote âWe left our homeland to have a better future(future)â. I enjoy the English and Spanish you did with the charactersâ dialogue as well. When you discussed the issues you had were coming up with the emotional and mental state for the characters. I feel you did a great job giving the characterâs a personality and a background. I enjoyed reading your draft and Iâm looking forward to reading the final draft.