“One’s initial environment is based upon the predetermined circumstances given to them and how they choose to react to them. But ever so often people choose to defy the circumstances and create an environment for themselves. In America, there have been negative views on the education system, but my journey through that same system allowed me to elevate beyond the flaws and learn beyond what circumstances were allotted to me. In my life, I was taught that to get anywhere you had to be smart and to be smart you had to learn. But I was also taught for you to learn, you could not turn to the schooling system because it was not going to benefit you. As a younger person hearing that I was intimidated by the thought of not being able to put my faith in the teachers who were there to educate me. Which then put the idea in my head that I’d be alone throughout my journey, being just as confused as my peers due to a lack of education quality. But as time went on, the deuteragonists showed up in the form of teachers who took extra initiative to teach and never skipped the chance to show just how they cared” (The Deuteragonists 1).
I chose this paragraph from my paper because although I had a point that had the potential to be strong, I don’t think I was as concise as I could’ve been. One problem I have when writing is my ability to organize and convey my thoughts. Also as I read it it’s too wordy to me so to improve this paragraph I would speak more about the title “The Deuteragonists” to introduce the focus, and leave my personal experiences to the body paragraphs so there’s a bit more of a connection and in the end, limits redundancies.
