In retrospect some of my regrets would be letting the other students get to me with the bullying and negative comments regarding IEP. Today, I realized that the bullying and negativity was coming from a place of ignorance to the benefits of the IEP program. Everyone has limitations in some areas of learning. IEP helped strengthen a lot of my weaknesses and helped me overcome obstacles that prohibited me from getting the grades I needed to get ahead in my education. Another regret I have would be leaving the program before I could improve my testing skills. Had I stayed on the program a little longer I would have not struggled with my regents and AP tests in high school. I do understand that this is an area that I still need some improvement on however, I’m working on it by studying hard before my exams.
Throughout all of elementary, middle, and high school I struggled to overcome language and learning difficulties. These challenges left me insecure. I felt I was not smart enough for my grade level. I believe my anxiety was one of the main reasons I did so poorly. I was never able to focus or participate in class because of it. Although I had plenty of teachers to guide and help me in English, I was not improving in my studies. My mother decided to put me in an IEP class thinking it will be easier for me to see a teacher on a one on one basis. An IEP class (Individualized Education Program)is a program developed to ensure that a child with an identified disability receives specialized instruction and related services.
In my experience, an IEP class has its pros and cons but the class is overall very beneficial for students that are struggling in any subject. I began to see two different teachers around 3rd grade, my main teacher and the teacher that would take me out of class for my daily services. I was expecting to be removed from class which made me extremely annoyed. That meant I was not going to be working on lessons with my friends and sitting with them in class. Each class had a set of students that would need services, so we all gathered together in the 6th period to meet with our IEP teacher. I never made friends with kids from the other classes so I did not know how to approach anyone. Before class started, each morning I would be sent to my IEP teacher and be put on this computer program that would help me with my reading. It was extremely repetitive! My IEP teacher would also give us homework on top of the homework our main teacher gave us which was stressful on me and the others. Although I was having a hard time enjoying the class, I did learn a lot of important things from my teacher that still benefits me today. My experience with IEP in elementary school was difficult but it didn’t matter to me in the end because my teachers and my mom were seeing progress. Leading up to middle school, I chose to stay in IEP because I was getting the help I needed from my teacher and wanted to continue receiving the same services.
Going into middle school with an IEP wasn’t easy because the teachers did not know where to place me. Each class was based on the students’ level of learning. I was removed from a class and put into another class because of my learning disability. It made me feel like it wasnt good enough. I started to realize that the students would make fun of me or the other students that also had IEP. Bullying can become a problem when in an IEP. Some thought being in an IEP was for dumb students who were delayed, but they did not know that it helped plenty of students like me with my anxiety and schooling. Middle school really opened my eyes and made me realize that an IEP was only to benefit me and made me appreciate my teachers and peers even more. Not only was I gaining so much from it, I also built a deeper relationship with my teachers. My IEP teacher towards my 8th grade left a long lasting impression on me. She was not only my teacher but a really good role model. I enjoyed seeing her because she would give me advice on life which helped me through life struggles. I was sad that I was graduating because I knew I would miss my teacher, but she still kept in contact with me throughout high school.
In high school I began to notice that I no longer needed an IEP towards my last few years. My overall performance in school was better than normal. My teachers began to suggest that I be removed from IEP so my mom did what she thought was best and removed me. Being without an IEP started to become a problem for me when I began to take my regents or any AP exam. I was always so used to having extra time on my exams to the point I started to depend on it. I’m a slow test taker and I needed way more time to finish my tests then the other students. During my SAT I had only limited time to take my test which led to me not finishing it on time and getting a very poor score. I was extremely devastated with this outcome because I knew that the SAT was extremely important for college. Luckily for me, due to covid colleges were making SAT scores optional. My AP exams also became a problem because I would never finish them on time and questions would be left blank due to my slow pace. Losing that extra time did not prepare me for major exams in highschool which led me to feel extremely regretful.
My problem with IEP was that I was relying on it too much towards the end. Having that extra time on tests was good but it never prepared me for when I wont have extra time on tests, for example in college. Another major problem I faced throughout middle, and highschool was the stereotypes students were putting out about IEP. It wasnt easy hearing other students make fun of me and others in the IEP class, saying that we were dumb and not fit for school. Made me second guess myself and my ability to learn which prevented me from actually trying and gave me even worse anxiety. Even my friends would question me about the class and ask me why I was in it. They knew why, but just wanted me to feel bad about myself. Overall my relationship with the educational system has taught me to embrace certain academic problems and learn from them. Learning from it has helped me be more prepared for advanced classes in the future.
