The education system has taught me not to categorize myself with everyone else. When I first started high school I was told to follow the crowd, so I physically did that in a sense of not getting lost in the building, but I would find myself lost because I wasn’t taught how to navigate properly. I was taught to follow other people who knew what and where they were going. So when I saw that this approach wasn’t working I started to learn where my classes and teachers were by myself. I had to learn how to apply that to my life. I also had to learn that things aren’t going to fall into your lap and you can’t always rely on someone else to tell you where to go or how to live your life.
My sister was basically my other mother, that was the role that was given to her, I was completely dependent on her like a toddler. I would treat my education the same way I needed someone to spell it out for me to understand, instead of trying to figure it out myself with some help. I basically wanted them to do it for me because that’s what I was used to. I say this because I just stopped being so codependent about 5 years ago, I slowly had to get away from that to get and do my own responsibilities. Teachers aren’t going to do everything for you because they aren’t always going to be there to babysit you.
Timing has always and still is a big problem for me. I started showing up on time by myself in high school in 11th grade. For some people that may not seem like such a big thing, but for me because I’m so forgetful, and irresponsible, getting to school on time was a big hurdle for me to jump over. I’m still tackling my work and handing them in on time. In middle school I either didn’t do it or handed it in on time. I did the same in highschool but it was more on time then not doing it. When I got to college I realized that I had to do it on time and everything was also more time consuming. I have to set timers for each week. Although many teachers let you put work in late, that still affects you because you’re not going to get the full grade you could get if you did it on time.
There are so many people that have had terrible experiences with education whether it was because of the teachers, students or family. If they didn’t get good enough grades they would be punished, and some people would get harsh punishments by family members. I just got this stare from my mom and it was enough for me. I never spoke up so I never really had teachers target me, except in 6th grade. I don’t remember what happened but my teacher didn’t like me because if I were ever to do something wrong in school which was rare, I got a speech from my mom. That form of discipline was good for me as well, but I assumed my teacher thought that I would get beat and it seemed that’s what she wanted because after a while when that didn’t happen she had a problem with everything I did and continued to hold this weird grudge towards me for the remainder of middle school. Not to downplay what I went through, but there are many people who do go through worst experiences and it mentally and physically affects them throughout their entire lives.
Knowing that learning was hard for me because I was a little behind, not enough to get extra help or more attention, but to a point where I needed to pay attention a little more. Writing things down helps me learn and remember things so much better. English was always the hardest subject for me, not liking to read made it harder to focus on books, my handwriting was barely legible, my spelling is just sad, and my vocabulary still needs to be worked on. Comparing myself from a few years ago although all that still needs work, it has gotten better. I never treated school seriously, I only needed to pass with a 65 to 75 and that was okay for me. But as I grew up and was picking my colleges I realized how important grades were and how they affected me. I was told that they were super important and was told that they weren’t, there were ways around it. I’m now paying the price for treating school so lazily and or secondary because I hated to read and now that hate has caused me to stay at a certain level. All these things that I went through in middle school and high school helped me realize that I needed to make my own decisions and do what was better for me, for the version of the person that I want to become.
