When we met last, we reviewed Unit 1 (Portrait of a Word). There was a section within that assignment page that read (What will you be graded on?). We went over that section and hypothetically conjured up what a piece would have to include to align with that checklist. Now, imagine you were me or students from the class work-shopping and the piece you read for homework was a student’s paper. What aspects of the (What will you be graded on?) section did the piece fulfill? Was there anything the piece was lacking or needed some revision/shifting to make it work? Was the structure easily accessible to the audience it was intended for and who was the target audience for the piece?
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To start off with the good that came out of this piece, there aren’t any grammatical errors. Now other than that I don’t really see the purpose of this writing. It seems like the author was trying to talk about a bunch of random past events from their life. I think most people wouldn’t be interested in reading this.
I agree with you. He has many types of purposes in he’s article but everything go to the same point.
I agree because the title doesn’t match the essay. The writer seems to talk more about himself rather than what the essay intended to be about.
Hello Marcus, it is true when you say the author talk about a bunch of past life experiences which leads to not much information about what he writes about.
Christopher Moran
I would grade this paper a B+ it talks about his culture and how the guy grew up learning about his culture or how he would interact with it in his everyday life. I would give this grade because of the structure of the paper and how it’s written. Every paragraph that he starts is just a new transition. It’s like he talks about one story then changes it to another story right after. All of the story are talking about the same thing it’s just that we don’t know what exactly he talks about cause it’s just one topic to the next.
I can understand and agree with your perspective on it.
I understand when you mention that interacts with everyday life and also the difficulties for some people based on religion.
I agree with the fact that each paragraph is based on a new topic and he doesn’t seem to get to the point or explain why he added the topics that he did.
I do agree with the part that the structure was a mess and that the topic jumps from one topic to another as the paragraph goes on. This is because the topic is only vaguely revealed during the last three paragraphs of the blog post. Also, the topic is hard to understand because it wasn’t directly mentioned but rather being talked about.
Based on the reading “ Zayn Malik And The Songs That Bring Us To Prayer” it was a good beginning how he introduced the word by a problem. The author reaches the reader in the introduction by saying how people pronounce his name badly. The purpose was not only one, it was more than one purpose because when he says people don’t know how to pronounce it, we can just tell that it is a name but in his culture means a lot. The style we wrote was teaching how to pronounce his name in Arabic. He also teaches us some traditions of Muslims like when you are born the first thing that the baby hears is his dad singing music. But, something that I did not like about the article was that he spoke a lot about being Muslim and the difficulties of being Muslim but, never said positive things that connect with his name or talk about where it came from. I believe he loses the meaning of his writing when he starts talking more about religion.
What I enjoyed about this writing was the personal stories and facts about the writer because they introduce themselves and this gives the reader a feel for who they are. Though it seemed as though the writer didn’t organize his thoughts or make a point. This leaves the reader confused as to what exactly the essay is supposed to be about. The writer jumps from one topic to another without smooth transitions. The essay did not match the title and it seemed to be more about the writer rather than Zayn Malik following his path.
I agree, but I also think he confuses his audience on purpose, for his work to look different than regular writing or to be unique. Or maybe that is the way to express himself mentally to relieve many beautiful memories. But he definitely confuse me with Zayn Malik story.
Totally agree with you on that. The transition was very off. But he got the reader attention through the story.
Yes, this is very true. The writer was jumping between topics a little too much.
Overall, this paper is extremely good, and I would grade it a B+. He talks on how pop singer Zayn Malik, who is Muslim, is portrayed, but all of the things he does run counter to what is associated with Islam. The article’s title confuses me because he doesn’t really discuss Zayn. The sole reason the author brings up Zayn is to make the argument that his very existence dissuades people from indulging in sinful activities. Although the article was excellently written, it could have had a different title. More specifically, the article discusses how being an adolescent Muslim in America is unique since you want to pursue diverse interests and not everyone is the same as you. However, as you go older, you begin to appreciate the true beauty of the religion, and I think that’s fantastic. I adored what he said “What an incredible blessing, to be so many different things at once but still have a home inside you that is always eager for your return, a song that was placed in your ear once and has never left.” You are gaining knowledge about something fresh and seeing things from a different angle. You have the ability to be so many various people at once, but it is genuinely a fresh viewpoint to know that you always have a safe haven that is everything you were taught as a child. I am a young woman from New York City who goes out into the world every day with hostility and character But in my heart, when I get back home, I’m just a little Spanish-speaking kid from a little Caribbean island called the Dominican Republic who adores her culture.
Hennan Tamang
The articles itself it has a different piece in every paragraph jumping up one to another individual person in his story. I could say its not bad because I could see his some perspective and see where he’s leading the story to but he’s making the reader confuse by talking about different things in each text. In my opinion most readers will less engaged and get confused.
I agree and I realize he loves his family because he speaks about them several in the first couple paragraph and he naturally like and embrace his culture. He also accepts African American culture.
Overall, this paper is extremely good, and I would grade it a B+. He talks on how pop singer Zayn Malik, who is Muslim, is portrayed, but all of the things he does run counter to what is associated with Islam. The article’s title confuses me because he doesn’t really discuss Zayn. The sole reason the author brings up Zayn is to make the argument that his very existence dissuades people from indulging in sinful activities. Although the article was excellently written, it could have had a different title. More specifically, the article discusses how being an adolescent Muslim in America is unique since you want to pursue diverse interests and not everyone is the same as you.However, as you go older, you begin to appreciate the true beauty of the religion, and I think that’s fantastic. I adored what he said “What an incredible blessing, to be so many different things at once but still have a home inside you that is always eager for your return, a song that was placed in your ear once and has never left.” You are gaining knowledge about something fresh and seeing things from a different angle. You have the ability to be so many various people at once, but it is genuinely a fresh viewpoint to know that you always have a safe haven that is everything you were taught as a child. I am a young woman from New York City who goes out into the world every day with hostility and character But in my heart, when I get back home, I’m just a little Spanish-speaking kid from a little Caribbean island called the Dominican Republic who adores her culture.
For the blog post of Hanif Willis Abdurraqib “Zayn Malik and the Songs that Bring us to Prayer”, there are areas that I really actually like, but at the same time, there are some areas that I have to read over again to grasp what he wanted to say. For what I like about this post, there are quite a few. After finishing reading the blog post, I understand that the first few paragraphs are what contributes to his main purpose that is shown in the lower half of his post. Unlike others where you state your purpose in the first few paragraphs and the latter half further expands and explains your purpose, Hanif flips the structure around. As I finish reading, I believe that Hanif has met the “Purpose”, “Diction”, and the “Audience” criteria from the grading books. Although it wasn’t perfect, it was passable.
Some of the downsides of this post in my opinion includes how the post begins, many unnecessary information that contribute little to none related to Hanif’s purpose, “Structure” of the grading criteria, and complication on some of the vocabs being used. First, the beginning of the post does not pique my interest to continue reading down if I wasn’t forced to finish reading as a homework assignment. Next some of the unnecessary information I talk about are like the third paragraph when Hanif starts talking Islam. It was only till the end that I was able to figure out the slight connection related to the purpose. It was also during the end that I understood why Hanif talked about his childhood in the first six paragraphs. The structure was messy since the connection between Hanif’s childhood which covers the top half of the post was not well explained. Lastly, using vocabulary words is good but since this post is for readers, it is better to make it as easy to read as possible.
I found this paper very interesting to read. Growing up I saw how One Direction rose to fame from being on America Got Talent to becoming a world-pop group. I remember seeing the criticism of Zayn being Muslim. I always imagined how young Muslim Americans felt seeing a pop star receive death threats and how they couldn’t be protected. I liked reading how Hanif explained that he was able to talk about his experience growing up in America as well.
the part that I like about this story is when he said fathers sing the Adhan into their right babies ears, that is a beautiful tradition. even when he was all over the place with the story it was very affirmative. many people outside his culture do not know how beautiful his religion is and how much love is within the family.
it’s inspiring to hear his story, about from his childhood and family members, and the songs that brings to prayer. It is interesting because you will see on how he become like what is zayn malik now, and what is zayn malik from way back then. It’s important at least to know a little bit about his life, for him to share this to his fans, for them to understand him better as an artist singer.
I grade this essay a B because I liked that he talked about himself in some parts of the essay, he also talked about how he felt Zayn represented the muslim Community the good and bad, I enjoyed the stories he told, but I wished he had organized or structured the essay differently as well as elaborated on how the stories relate to his experiences, I also wish he had better transitioning sentences because it was very confusing and abrupt to finish a paragraph about one story to something completely different in the next paragraph without concluding the previous paragraph.