Introduction
In this project, I reflected on my current thoughts with notion to self reflect and see how these thoughts prepared me for the future. Breaking my thoughts into parts allowed me to focus on each one with more depth and detail than the previous. Thinking in writing was an exercise that led me to what my current thoughts were. Thinking visually allowed me to expand my thoughts into images and inspired me to write the ideas and the meanings meant in thinking reflectively. All these categories that I worked on led me to an inspirational paper on “Brainwaves by Penelope Morales.”
Thinking in Writing
Writing down my thoughts for the past 24 hours were difficult. I was constantly looked at the clock every thirty minutes eager to see what I would be thinking about. Majority of the time, I sang music lyrics subconsciously. With my thoughts worth mentioning, I noticed they consisted of my current list of high priorities to-dos. The pattern between my thoughts’ involved me needing to “keep up”. Keep up with my training for the NYC Half marathon in March. Keep up with my doctor’s appointments- due to prior health history, there are a lot of doctors I have to keep in touch with or visit. Also, ambitiously going back to school after twelve years requires a lot of “keeping up”.
Each thought occurred at the same locations, work and home, equal amounts of time. I feel my focus is in the right direction. The only drawback from my thoughts I have is that I don’t want them to consume me, and to achieve that I need to become very diligent with time management.  I noticed I gave little attention to keeping in touch with friends and loved ones. Once I’m able to time-manage, I’m hoping to reach out and spend some quality time with great people.
In analyzing my thought process, I believe my thoughts focus more on “the present”. Although I believe in having and saving for the future, I’m also a “ live in the moment, tomorrow’s not promised” type of gal. I would like to organize “my present” so that “my future” may fall into place.
Thinking Visually
- This photo represents my thoughts on my health history. I pass the blood bank on my way to my doctor’s appointment and it always reminds me of my journey through transplant.
https://instagram.com/p/zOosVlTEot/?taken-by=0920_0413
- This photo represented my thoughts on school. This signage reminds me of my future career. I would achieve this by staying in school and hopefully working in that department.
https://instagram.com/p/zOp8u1zEqX/?taken-by=0920_0413
- This photo represents my thoughts on training for the half marathon. Staying consistent was key in completing the 13.1 miles run. Tracking my runs helped me stay focus and motivated.
https://instagram.com/p/zOoLr6TEoM/?taken-by=0920_0413
- This photo represents my thoughts on the half marathon. All my training was put to the test. Race day finally arrived and finishing the run was a huge accomplishment for me..
https://instagram.com/p/0R1skWzEiM/?taken-by=0920_0413
- This photo represents my thoughts in self-reflection. I need to make quality time to spend with my family and friends. With my work, school and training schedule, finding the time has been difficult.
https://instagram.com/p/zOsMndTEs_/?taken-by=0920_0413
- This photo represents my thoughts in self-reflection. These books remind me of how spiritual I once was. I wish to explore more options of spirituality and personal growth.
https://instagram.com/p/zP6GuVTEnR/?taken-by=0920_0413
Thinking Reflectively
“It is what it is.” Whenever something was out of my control that is exactly how I would address it. Hey, it’s me, year 2020 Penny. Life has been super busy these past couple of years. After receiving a bone marrow transplant back in 2012, life has had plenty of ups and downs. “It is what it is.” Getting diagnosed with leukemia as a young adult was out of my control but from staying positive and overcoming my struggles, I have grown into a survivor, a warrior, and a role model to my family, friends and outside associates. Just five years ago I was trying to “keep up” with doctors’ visits, going back to school full-time- after being on a twelve year hiatus, and training for my first half marathon. “It is what it is.” I got through it. I am a registered radiologic technician at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Doctor visits are annually now at the Cancer Center. How ironic! My first marathon was the first of many runs keeping me active and healthy. I wanted to gain some personal growth and went soul searching around the world. I have passport stamps to prove it! Also, spending a lot of time with family and friends has me now wanting to focus on starting a family. Over the past five years, seeing how far I’ve come reassures me that anything is possible.
April 13, 2012 is the day I received my bone marrow transplant at H. Lee Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Florida. Spending 27 days in the hospital was the easy part, seeing I had a 24/7 medical staff at my beck and call. The medical staff was very compassionate, attentive and supportive throughout the entire process. The difficult part was getting discharged from the hospital. On one hand, I was eager to leave. Being confined to half a hospital floor for almost a month, I had missed the feeling of the sun on my face and the breeze of the wind. But, on the other hand, I was terrified. I would no longer have my medical team by my side 24/7. What if something happened and I was not able to get medical attention fast enough, will I die? Will my immune system reject the transplant once I leave the hospital?
My post hospital care consisted of me having to take a minimum of 50 pills a day. I had to be closely monitored by my doctors, so my visits in the beginning were every other day. Doctor appointments would last two to three hours at most, from running multiple tests and waiting on the results. If I had a setback; bad test results or me mentioning pain; blood work would have to be redone and I would possibly have to have scans, CT or MRI, leading to longer hours at the doctor’s office. Seeing how often I was at the hospital, the staff became my second family. The support I felt from them was sincere and genuine. They went beyond their routinely medical profession with personal conversations unrelated to my cancer treatment. I enjoyed our daily discussions on current events and workplace gossip, such as the latest episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta. Receiving text messages and phone calls after transplant was an added motivation to me realizing that my second family was rooting for me.
As the days passed and the transplant showed signs of success, doctor’s visits went from every other day to once a week. The better I would get, the less amount of times I would see the doctors again. I am currently in the survivorship program at Sloan Kettering Cancer Center and I see a bone marrow transplantation doctor every six months. I am anxiously waiting on annual visits, which is a goal. The farther out you see them next means you are doing better. Aside from my cancer center appointments, it is also crucial for me to keep my other “routinely” doctors’ visits due to my health history. I took a photo of the Blood Bank of New York. My diagnosis was leukemia, which is a blood cancer, and seeing the blood bank takes me back to my transplant. When I think back on my journey, I immediately remember my second family and how they made me feel. The nurses and doctors made a huge impact in my recovery process and I too would like to make an impact in some way. They allowed me to feel and believe anything is possible and this has encouraged me to change my career from banking into the medical field and go back to school to become a radiologic technologist.
Becoming a radiologic technologist will allow me to give back to the medical field. It will allow me to help, encourage, and support individuals that are trying to find reasons behind their illness or sickness. Working in the medical field has thus become my purpose in life and I am striving to become as qualified and able as possible so I can have an impact on someone else’s journey in life. I understand I could have gone into any other medical career but radiology just fascinates me. It’s interesting how we have technology that we can use to see beyond the surface of the skin. I am pursuing an Associate’s Degree in Applied Science at New York City College of Technology. My first semester back in school since 2003 and I am currently registered for 14 credits. What was I thinking? My goal is to complete the prerequisites required to enter into the Radiologic Technology and Medical Imaging Program. The Radiologic Technology and Medical Imaging Program only accepts applicants in the Fall semester so I plan on attending Summer and Winter sessions in order to finish up the prerequisites and enter the program by Fall 2016. I took a photo of an elevator sign at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. The elevator sign displays the floor in which a department is on. When I look at this sign and see the department Radiology it speaks to me. I know one day I’ll be working in that department and I’m hoping it will be at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center. Choosing to go back to school so ambitiously can be stressful. When school gets overwhelming, I focus on the reasons why I want to become a radiologic technologist. To help handle the stress of school and work, I find the time to exercise and through this, I found a passion in running.
My passion for running is in its beginning stage. Running helps clear my mind. When I’m out pounding on the pavement, I feel as if I’m pounding out my problems. Everyone has their way of finding their Zen and running is how I find mine. Three years ago, I could barely run a mile, and now I’m training for a half marathon. Anything is possible and running this marathon is another accomplishment in my journey towards achieving the impossible. By staying physically active after transplant, I am hoping to improve my quality of life and lower my risk for secondary cancer. On my first “cancer-versary”, I celebrated by doing my first 5k- The Color Run. This run opened doors to many 5ks but I wanted a challenge. The challenge of running a marathon! Running a marathon was always a health goal of mine so when I received a brochure from the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society asking recruits to raise money for a cure while guaranteeing them a spot in the NYC Half Marathon, I couldn’t resist! To ensure a spot, I had to raise $1700.00, which was achievable through the support of my family, friends, and colleagues. That was a walk in the park! The difficult part was the training and the discipline it requires to run in a half marathon. Eating healthy, training hard, and getting lots of rest are just a few of things I had to discipline myself into doing. My training started in November and consisted of running 3x a week and two days of cross training. The beginning of my training was easy but over the weeks it proved to be difficult with the increase in mileage I had to run and the brutal days of winter. There were times I wanted to give up. Having to work and attend school, I could have had an excuse to stop training but I didn’t. I pushed through it and couldn’t let my supporters down and most importantly, myself. I had my photo taken with my medal when I crossed the finished line. Finishing this marathon was such an accomplishment for me. It helped reveal a newfound love I have with fitness, as well as myself. This achievement has allowed me to think about other things in my life that could use a little more TLC, like quality time with my family and friends, and working on my faith and spiritual growth.
With a lot going on, I do not want to lose sight of the small things in life, like spending quality time with my friends and family. Now that my training is over, it has freed up some time, which I can now make an effort to spend quality time with everyone. I have a collage of photos that hangs above my bed. Everyone in those photos means the world to me. From my health, to going back to school, to completing my first marathon, I have so much to be grateful for. Believing in myself and having faith has helped me get to where I am today. I want to continue to better myself not just physically but mentally as well.
Having experienced life as a cancer patient has made me want live a healthier lifestyle, push my limits, and strive to become better physically, mentally and spiritually. Prioritizing my life will benefit me in the long run and will allow me to set short term goals with long-term results and memories. These past couples of years have been a roller coaster, but there is no ride that I cannot imagine being on then the ride called life. My shortcomings have proven to be inspiring, motivating, and freeing to my spirit.
