10/5 revision plan

My plans for revising my paper would be to make it more cohesive and combine some of my sentences. I also intend to fix my last body paragraphs and make it more cohesive. I speak about some of the intended consequences, however I move from idea to idea without much explanation. I should be more specific about my unintended consequences, I feel like I end too short without bringing back the overarching idea about individuality and community.