16 thoughts on “Feedback for Nazarah (essay 2)”

  1. Your essay had many details and it was supported with evidence. I liked how you put your own perspective on how social media is ruining lives. For example when you said “I strongly believe that social media had made people isolated which really cause people to lack real life communication skills.” That quote shows how social media can have those affects on us. Something you should do is include the articles names and not just the author. I think it would be easier for readers to understand if you do that.

  2. I like how you started your essay with a question that grabs the readers attention. You have a clear thesis which I agree with. I think you used good textual evidence and explained your quotes well. You have a good counter claim as well. You did have a few grammatical errors and next time you should mention the name of the article you got your evidence from but, overall your essay was very well written.

  3. Your essay was straight to the point and it was clear for the readers to know what side you were on. I think you used good textual evidence and explained your quotes well.

  4. I liked the way you started your essay with a question, as well as the overall topic of your essay. I thought you thesis was clear and to the point; I think you should state the article where you sited from in your essay to avoid any confusion, I also think it’d be a good idea to focus on one specific case of cyberbullying that you feel connects to your thesis the most. I really liked your essay though.

  5. Your thesis was clear. The hook in your introduction grabbed my attention and your side was very convincing. You were able to back it up clearly. One thing that could have been better was being more specific where you got your information from.

  6. I liked how you started your essay with a question it grabs the readers attention. You provided good evidence as well as your own. Also you should state where you got your evidence from. Some grammar mistakes, but other than that great essay!

  7. I enjoyed your essay because i agree with you. It was argumentative. You provided a well- detailed essay. You included evidence and examples to support your thesis and you explained how these examples relate to the people who use social media. And that is a excellent way to support your argument. There are few grammatical errors but that is okay. Keep up the good work.

  8.  
    I like how you opened your essay with a question, it really drew the readers attention. I like how you established a clear claim in your first paragraph.I also like that you introduced an opposing side but you quickly reminded us that you disagreed with its claim.giving is a good example would be nice, you can make it more specific 

  9. I liked how you stared your essay. your evidence was good and clear. something you could add is put the reference page because that is very important. you had a clear thesis good details.

  10. I like how your evidence backed up your thesis. Something you can work on is stating where you got your evidence from. The websites.

  11. I really liked how you stared your essay with a question, and your thesis was clear. It was easy to understand your side. Also you did really well proving your claim with evidence. You could have better putting your evidence like who wrote article. Overall it was good Argument essay.

  12. Your introduction had a nice hook in the beginning and it reels readers in because everyone will find it relatable at one point. You make some strong points about how social media makes us more anti-social and ruins relationships and it’s true. You can introduce some counterclaims such as how social media can have benefits or how it improves relationships and argue against it to make your essay better.

  13. Your introduction really caught my attention, starting your essay with a question is a great idea. I also like your topic, and the fact that you made your thesis very clear. I understood your side of the argument. You could work on the counterclaims though, there wasnt that much evidence to support it. One other thing you should do is state where you got the information from.

  14. I like your intro a lot how it captured and brought the reader in to what was going to be discussed in the paper. The only thing is to be more specific and add more details regarding both claim and counterclaim

  15. I really liked your opening sentence. Something I suggest to make your points clear in your claim, counterclaim and throughout your essay. Fore example, in your second paragraph you open with, “in todays world, news papers, radios, and tv are out of date, those sources are no longer useful to receive information as much.” but then say that people are addictive to drugs but social media is way more addictive. Those two sentences don’t have a correlation to each other. Other than that, I really liked your essay.

  16. Liked how you started your intro with a question for the readers to think, it was on point! You have to be clear when adding your quotes because you need to make a connection with your topic about social media ruining lives.

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