Intro: How I was as a student before the pandemic
Body 1: Remote learning experience
Body 2: first time back in school
Body 3: senior year of highschool
Conclusion: how i change as a student
I believe the pandemic shaped me to be the person I am today. I went from someone who didn’t put much thought or effort into what I did to a person who tries before giving up. I had to learn from my mistakes and actually change my mindset. Because of the pandemic I grew bad habits as a student. I didn’t turn in assignments on time, sometimes I wouldn’t even try and make the effort to turn in my work. After almost two years of remote learning I was finally going to be able to physically go to school. On my first day of junior year it had felt as if i was a freshman walking into a whole new building. I got the same feelings of nerves i did on the first day. Taking the Q train after not taking it for two years felt nostalgic in some way, as well as the smell of bacon as you made your way out of the station from the deli.
Junior year I was very unmotivated and I wasn’t on track with my assignments. I would get letters from my school mailed to my house saying I was in risk of failing. Every report card would say I had the ability to try harder.When parent teacher conference came it was over the phone because of the pandemic and my mom always made me sit right next to her when the teacher would call. The same thing would happen shed give me a look that said many words but without even saying anything. I felt glued to the couch which had felt like for hours but realistically it was only 20 minutes. I had left the couch and back to my room feeling disappointed in myself but i knew i wasn’t really gonna do anything to change it.
This is a good start!
Can you decide on parts that would make good scenes? What events will move your story forward?
ALSO you need to adhere to a clear timeline. What school year (junior? sophomore?) were you when the pandemic hit? You write: Because of the pandemic I grew bad habits as a student. I didn’t turn in assignments on time, sometimes I wouldn’t even try and make the effort to turn in my work. CAN YOU SHOW ME this bad-student-Diana? Was this zoom class? What is the best memory you have of not trying during remote-learning-school? DESCRIBE and create theatre of the mind. Make your writing come alive!
Then you mention the passing of two years [two years after sophomore year?– huh? make the timeline clear] — and you write: On my first day of junior year it had felt as if i was a freshman walking into a whole new building [good description]. I got the same feelings of nerves i did on the first day [SHOW me those thoughts] Taking the Q train after not taking it for two years felt nostalgic in some way, as well as the smell of bacon as you made your way out of the station from the deli [more on this smell-description — I recognized the smell of bacon as I made my way out of NAME OF STATION on the A or B or C line and noticed NAME deli.
SO what happened junior year? You write: I would get letters from my school mailed to my house saying I was in risk of failing. Every report card would say I had the ability to try harder. NOW DESCRIBE with more details — What words were on the report card? WHat grades for each subject? SHOW Me you failing grades.
You need to flesh out with more descption and details and choose significant places to dramatize with scene and with dialogue.
Pls read the student example papers in the Unit One Assignment side bar.