Intro: Being fluent in my language
Scene 1: Having to take a Spanish class to graduate speaking with guidance counselor
Scene 2: Meeting Spanish teacher and speaking about my abilities in spanish
Scene 3: Trying to prove myself in Spanish class
Conclusion: Passing the class and proving Spanish teacher wrong
“I don’t think you’ll pass my class”
I love coming from a Spanish country. I believe Spanish is a beautiful language one that many can eventually learn to speak. I felt a sense of pride being able to speak my language so fluently compared to all my Spanish friends who didn’t know it that well. My guidance counselor had called me into her office “Anabel I notice that you haven’t taken a language class throughout your time with us. It’s a requirement to graduate.” I was open to taking any language class”sure what class do I need to take?” I asked my guidance counselor. “Let’s put you in Spanish since you already speak it.” I was relieved since it was a simple class, it was basic Spanish light work I thought. I walked in the room and it was a culture shock for anyone who wasn’t from a Spanish country. Posters of Spanish influencers all around the room, history books that speak in detail the history of wars and famous movements that had happened in our countries in the time before us, flags hanging around the room forming x’s on the ceiling. I felt comfortable here. I met my Spanish teacher, tall white man with gray hair but it wasn’t much ,wearing a white shirt with a flannel over with jeans and a pair of running sneakers. My Spanish teacher wasn’t a native Spanish speaker he had learned to speak from his wife that was from Spain he had mentioned. I had told my Spanish teacher, Mr. Male, that I spoke Spanish fluently coming from a Spanish family I grew up hearing it.”Yea this class will be easy for native speakers” he said to me. I felt comfortable with these words.
Our first assignment was to watch a Spanish movie that he will assign and write a summary on it in Spanish which was pretty simple. I had noticed Mr. Male always had a comment to make about me.”Yea I don’t know how you’re going to graduate. It would be surprising if you do.” I was in shock at such words as he had no reason to say these things to me. I had always done my work and was present in class but that was ignored. From that day forward my grade for assignments would not pass an 80. Mr. male would say “theres no way you wrote all that yourself. It doesn’t look like something you would write, I honestly don’t even think you’ll pass my class” I had always replied with “of course I wrote it I spent hours on that assignment.” I was fluent in Spanish there was no reason for me to lie I knew the language . The day came when we had to hand in our final assignments that would depend if we would pass Spanish class or not. I had wrote a story that I had created and wrote it in Spanish which is what was asked for. I took my time writing it knowing the importance of this paper. I got an 80. It confused me as to why I was given that grade.”I don’t believe you actually wrote this. All the Spanish words are spelled too correctly and it’s way too fluent for you.” In front of him was a computer and he had copied and pasted my whole paper into a website that makes sure there was no plagiarism. No results. The look on his face made me happy with him finally knowing that I was capable of writing such a paper.
I was only given five extra points but I knew I deserved better. I had learned a lot from that class, never to doubt myself. When I say something I mean it and when I feel confident in something then nothing should change how I view myself after that. I thank him for doubting me even though I knew my abilities, it just expanded them more.Â
Hi Anabel, I loved the part where you said ” I believe Spanish is a beautiful language one that many can eventually learn to speak”. But I do feel like for the first paragraph I didn’t see much on what the setting of the classroom was like which could help readers dive deeper to how you felt during that moment.
it’s sad to read about all of his negative comments on your education, something I want to know or you can add to your writing is how he treat other students, was he like that with the others or just you?
Anabel â This is a very good beginning.
Work on
1. Paragraph breaks â avoid long blocks of text.
2. Sentence errors â CS and Fragments. Example: I was relieved since it was a simple class, it was basic Spanish light work I thought. COMMA SPLICE error
3. Think of more scenes to add to this negative MENTOR QUOTE story: more scenes that add to the story of Mr. Male and what you learned coming out of this. After all, you triumphed; you are stronger; you are the winner!
âI donât think youâll pass my classâ [PERIOD inside quote]
I love coming from a Spanish country. [WHAT country?] I believe Spanish is a beautiful language one that many can eventually learn to speak. I felt a sense of pride being able to speak my language so fluently compared to all my Spanish friends who didnât know it that well.
[NEW PAR] My guidance counselor had called me into her office [ADD Description of person, office, time, senior junior year? THINK 5Ws]
[NEW SPEAKER = NEW PAR] âAnabel I notice that you havenât taken a language class throughout your time with us. Itâs a requirement to graduate.â Ms. X said with —-
I was open to taking any language class. âSure what class do I need to take?â I asked my guidance counselor [NAME].
âLetâs put you in Spanish since you already speak it.â
I was relieved since it was a simple class, it was basic Spanish light work I thought.
[TIME LINE â a day later?] I walked in the room and it was a culture shock for anyone who wasnât from a Spanish country. Posters of Spanish influencers all around the room, history books that speak in detail the history of wars and famous movements that had happened in our countries in the time before us, flags hanging around the room forming xâs on the ceiling. [MOVE — ] It was a culture shock for anyone who wasnât from a Spanish country [, but] I felt comfortable here. I met my Spanish teacher [NAME needs to be here at first mention], tall white man with gray hair but it wasnât much ,wearing a white shirt with a flannel over with jeans and a pair of running sneakers. My Spanish teacher wasnât a native Spanish speaker he had learned to speak from his wife that was from Spain he had mentioned. I had told my Spanish teacher, Mr. Male, that I spoke Spanish fluently coming from a Spanish family I grew up hearing it.âYea this class will be easy for native speakersâ he said to me. I felt comfortable with these words.
Our first assignment was to watch a Spanish movie that he will assign and write a summary on it in Spanish which was pretty simple.
[need TRANSITION HERE â how do you move from watching movie to this attitude from Mr. M?]
I had noticed Mr. Male always had a comment to make about me.âYea I donât know how youâre going to graduate. It would be surprising if you do.â
I was in shock at such words as he had no reason to say these things to me. I had always done my work and was present in class but that was ignored. From that day forward my grade for assignments would not pass an 80.
Mr. male would say âtheres no way you wrote all that yourself. It doesnât look like something you would write, I honestly donât even think youâll pass my classâ
I had always replied with âof course I wrote it I spent hours on that assignment.â
I was fluent in Spanish there was no reason for me to lie I knew the language . The day came when we had to hand in our final assignments that would depend if we would pass Spanish class or not. I had wrote a story that I had created and wrote it in Spanish [delete –which is what was asked for.] I took my time writing it knowing the importance of this paper. I got an 80. It confused me as to why I was given that grade.
âI donât believe you actually wrote this. All the Spanish words are spelled too correctly and itâs way too fluent for you.â
In front of him was a computer and he had copied and pasted my whole paper into a website that makes sure there was no plagiarism. No results. The look on his face made me happy with him finally knowing that I was capable of writing such a paper. [ADD FEW MORE DETAILS]
I was only given five extra points but I knew I deserved better. I had learned a lot from that class, most importantly, never to doubt myself. When I say something I mean it and when I feel confident in something then nothing should change how I view myself after that. I thank him for doubting me even though I knew my abilities, it just expanded them more.