MY WORKIG OUTLINE :Â
I. INTRO –Â Â BEING HISPANIC AND AMERICANÂ
II. DESCRIBING WHAT ITS LIKE LIVING IN A WHITE AREAÂ
III. SCENE TO WHEN ME AND MOM WHERE STOPED AT THE FRONT DOOR OF MY SCHOOLÂ
IV. THE FELING OF DISAPPOINTMENT
V. THE CLASSROOM ENVIRONMENTÂ
VI. WHAT HARD WORKÂ Â DOESÂ
Identifying as Hispanic and American can put you in this position where you feel stuck in the middle. Or feel like you don’t fit on either sides it’s either your not “enough” American or your not “enough” Hispanic.
I remember the time when summer had just finished and it was time to go back to school I was really excited going in to 2nd. grade. But as soon I walked in and right away I was recognized as the Hispanic girl who’s English wasn’t the best and needed extra help. They had pulled me and my mom to the side to talk but since my mother didn’t know English either so they had to call someone to translate. “sorry ma’ we’ll get someone to translate for you in just a moment”
I begged my mom for us to go I told her quietly “ Let’s go home I don’t want to be here anymore”
My mom angrily replied “ no Ariana we are staying I want to hear what your teacher needs to say, I wonder what you did now” she had thought I had did something last school year and my teacher are informing her about what I did.
The translator had finally come down and both the translator and the teacher were talking to each other about the situation my heart sank I was nervous to why the teacher had to pull me and my mom over.
Hi Ariana, I like your first intro sentences. I do think that this is a place where you can add more detail about what you felt like being ”enough” American was and “enough” Hispanic was. In the rest of your paragraphs, I think you added a good use of dialogue and I think you can add more details about the school and the teacher. As well as what happened to make, you realize that, as soon as you walked in the room, you were recognized as Hispanic. Was anything said to you? Did some thing happened to make you feel this way?
Your intro had very powerful sentences. I agree with Kai you could have add a bit more detail. You had good dialogue. I feel like you could added what made you excited about going into the new school year.
Hey Ariana, I think you should go more in depth of your description of living in a white neighborhood. You can state how you felt, the impact it had on your family, also if you had negative experiences. Did people talk bad about you? Did you happen to make friends?
Really liked how you started off, I think you should add more details in your body paragraphs.