There I was, grasping for air, feeling like my heart would pump its way out of my chest. It was another ordinary day outside of high school’s football field although after sprinting for 20 minutes my body began to give up, my legs became gelatin. My body started to act as a defense mechanism and began to shut down, from legs to arms . As I squatted all I could see were my friends running, leaving me behind as if I was in the center of a school of tuna . My heart rate started to decrease slower and slower. It slow down to the point in which I could count two seconds until the next beat. I thought that was it, but that was just the fourth near death experience I had related to my heart. It had always been one of my concerns that I was different but there was no tangible way to prove it.
Coming from a country that is very active all year long, such as different types of labor work and competitive sports. That makes me strive for those physical activities as well. My only restrain was experiencing heart episodes, it kept me seated in the benches while observing others enjoy their privileges. It didn’t always keep me still, I wouldn’t let it be used as an excused and I would push myself even though I had to pay the consequences. Taking the Covid Vaccine made those episodes more frequent, the vaccine enhanced the condition I would later find out called WPW. The stairs would make me run out of breath and I would constantly have sweaty hands. That same month I attended a homecoming, which made me realize how united a team can be and it’s all happening in school. It felt as if I was an outcast who would never get the chance to experience that.
The day my friend asked me to join the baseball team with him we were leaving school’s main entrance, it was an overcast day. Those types of days that makes you feel unmotivated. The constant thought that I would ever get to be in a team and knowing I would just drag them didn’t help. But I purposely kept ignoring the invitation. We walked all around the school when we didn’t have enough time to talk but he had to go home, so me and my friend parted ways and as I walked around the school the sky became clear, the sunlight beamed and heard a clean baseball hitting the a metal bat. As I came closer to the gate viewing the school’s field a group of friends were laughing which impressed me and it seemed like a great time, that’s when I decided to listen to him and join
Sounds like a very good story, and quite inspirational to be able to overcome a condition that keeps you unmotivated.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that but I think it’s make you stronger to try and play sports the one that you will end up lovibg.Also,trying new things can also help motivate you so just push through.
I’m so sorry you have to deal with that but I think it’s make you stronger to try and play sports the one that you will end up loving.Also,trying new things can also help motivate you so just push through.
Wow , I’m so sorry you had to experience that that was probably scary going through that sometimes it can be hard when you’re in sports I know a lot of people that didn’t take the Covid vaccine because of the effects that it would have. I’m glad that you listen to your friend and join the baseball team.
CARLOS:
USE Your Outline: III. Dealing with medications/ how baseball helped me build connections and experience. WHAT event will show this?
I suggest:
[GOOD OPENING HERE]
There I was, grasping for air, feeling like my heart would pump its way out of my chest. It was another ordinary day outside of high school’s football field although after sprinting for 20 minutes my body began to give up, my legs became gelatin. My body started to act as a defense mechanism and began to shut down, from legs to arms . As I squatted all I could see were my friends running, leaving me behind as if I was in the center of a school of tuna . My heart rate started to decrease slower and slower. It slow down to the point in which I could count two seconds until the next beat. I thought that was it, but that was just the fourth near death experience I had related to my heart. It had always been one of my concerns that I was different but there was no tangible way to prove it.
[NOW bring in the writing from SAVED HW that connects here] When I was younger I would tell adults that my heart beats differently but no one would listen to me as if I was lying. But I made an appointment with the cardiologist to make sure my health was fine. As I did the EKG I was diagnosed with WPW [WHICH IS spell out! I already told you this!] and it turns out I was born with it but the vaccine some way triggered it. I was experiencing severe symptoms such as palpitations, high BPM, high blood pressure, dizziness. That meant that I was at high risk to have a cardiac arrest if I had left it untreated. As it turns out I had a procedure to terminate the extra electrical pathway but it couldn’t be done because it was located in a dangerous area in my heart. So the only solutions was for me to take medication for it until there are new technologies that provide better results.
[CUT not important] Coming from a country that is very active all year long, such as different types of labor work and competitive sports. That makes me strive for those physical activities as well.
That same month I attended a homecoming, which made me realize how united a team can be and it’s all happening in school. It felt as if I was an outcast who would never get the chance to experience that.My only restrain was experiencing heart episodes, it kept me seated in the benches while observing others enjoy their privileges. It didn’t always keep me still, I wouldn’t let it be used as an excused and I would push myself even though I had to pay the consequences. [CUT not important] Taking the Covid Vaccine made those episodes more frequent, the vaccine enhanced the condition I would later find out called WPW. The stairs would make me run out of breath and I would constantly have sweaty hands.
And I stop here — you need to work on this revision. Use what you have and put it together in one flowing piece.
Then going forward — you need to SHOW me you on the team and WHAT you are learning and HOW that makes your school life better. WHAT event would show that? A special game, an after-game dinner with all the teammates – SHOW me how your school social life improved with Baseball team. SHOW me a time of “building connections”
WORK with the tutors. You have a good idea for your story but you need to work with the tutors to get the order of events right and to include CSD.
The day my friend asked me to join the baseball team with him we were leaving school’s main entrance. It was an overcast day. Those types of days that makes you feel unmotivated. The constant thought that I would n ever get to be on a team and knowing I would just be a drag on them didn’t help. But I purposely kept ignoring the invitation. As usually we were walking all around the school just to have a chance to talk. As my friend and I parted ways, the sky became clearer, the sunlight beamed and I heard a clean baseball hitting the a metal bat. As I came closer to the gate viewing the school’s field, a group of friends were laughing which impressed me and it seemed like a great time, that’s when I decided to listen to Kenny and join.