âI donât know why you choose AP English because you are not in the level of this classâ words that in that moment was one of the teachers I didnât like the most but now is the teacher i thank the most for helping me and never letting me down.
It was summer after sophomore year, in a chaotic morning to enter our first day of school. Wasnât excited as the freshman girls in the line sharing their schedules and seeing their faces glow when they had the same classes. Neither was I worried like the 2 girls with concerned looks after they noticed they didnât have lunch at the same period. I knew my friends werenât in my classes, not even a single one. But I didnât care much. What I thought would be my best junior year, it was starting as a very gray gloomy day. But I thought it couldnât get worse, but I was wrong. After fighting the day before with my boyfriend, my emotions were more focused on what was going to happen with our friendship. Sadly our friendship came to an end 2 weeks later and all because i wasnât ready to jump into a relationship with my friend. Now junior year was turning into my nightmare.Most of the teachers were very nice, but it was just about time they would turn in their most serious personality to get through the year.
But who will be my AP English teacher? Well Mr. Hernandez, the coolest teacher in the school they will say. âHe doesn’t even look like a teacherâ âGirl your teacher is our pre med directorâ âMr Hernandez is like broâ âYou are lucky to be in his classâ. Was I?. His work was like a punishment. âNeed more rhetorical devicesâ ânot concrete evidence or explanationâ âway to simpleâ âno simple words add advance definitionsâ It was fifth period English AP class Mr. Hernandez was returning our essays. He handed me back my paper and I read his comments. Mr Hernandez was very lenient in his expectations for his class.
I like how you described your teacher and how you started your story.I’m interested on hearing more about effect your teacher had on you.
I feel like you wrote in a little too much of a casual manner but besides that it seems pretty good in my opinion. Looking forward to reading it when it’s done.
You need clear paragraph breaks. Shorter chunks of writing is better!
Opening with —
âI donât know why you choose AP English because you are not in the level of this class.â [period inside] Mr. Hernandez was was my least favorite teacher but now is the teacher i thank the most for helping me and never letting me down.
It was summer after sophomore year, [period. new start — In a chaotic morning to enter our first day of school. [get subject I in here ]. I wasnât excited as the freshman girls in the line sharing their schedules and seeing their faces glow when they had the same classes. Neither was I worried like the 2 girls with concerned looks after they noticed they didnât have lunch at the same period. I knew my friends werenât in my classes, not even a single one. But I didnât care much.
[new par] What I thought would be my best junior year, [cut it] was starting as a very gray gloomy day. [cut But]. I thought it couldnât get worse, but I was wrong. After fighting the day before with my boyfriend, my emotions were more focused on what was going to happen with our friendship. Sadly our friendship came to an end 2 weeks later and all because i wasnât ready to jump into a relationship with my friend. Now junior year was turning into my nightmare.[proper spacing!] Most of the teachers were very nice, but it was just about time they would turn in their most serious personality to get through the year.
[COMBINE from HW3] Every school year I worked hard to not fall behind. In my sophomore year, the English class wasnât as difficult as I thought it would be. I wanted to challenge myself and I applied to take AP English for my junior year. [So as the year began, I was wondering: Who] will be my AP English teacher?
Well Mr. Hernandez, the coolest teacher in the school they [who?] will say.
âHe doesnât even look like a teacher!â [Each piece of dialogue separate/Periods inside]
âGirl your teacher is our pre med director.â
âMr Hernandez is like bro!â
âYou are lucky to be in his classâ.
Was I? [Good question here â good writerly touch to contradict] His work was like a punishment. [And his comments were worse. I felt like ______]
[Separate out in separate lines of dialogue] âNeed more rhetorical devicesâ ânot concrete evidence or explanationâ âway to simpleâ âno simple words add advance definitionsâ
It was fifth period English AP class Mr. Hernandez was returning our essays. He handed me back my paper and I read his comments. Mr Hernandez was very lenient [Correct Word Choice? Lenient means easy and giving easy grades?] in his expectations for his class.
He attacked me right away saying, âI donât know why you choose AP English because you are not in the level of this class.â [cut since you have above] words that in that moment was one of the teachers I didnât like the most but now is the teacher i thank the most for helping me and never letting me down.
[do you need this? Possible cut] After I came back from Mexico, English wasnât my strongest language and reading and writing was a challenge throughout the years. Every school year I worked hard to not fall behind. In my sophomore year, the English class wasnât as difficult as I thought it would be. I wanted to challenge myself and I applied to take AP English for my junior year. However summer before junior year wasnât my best and I was going through a difficult moment. Mr Hernandez who that year will be my teacher was very lenient to his expectations for his class. I will do my writing assignments and for him they werenât the best. There was always a negative comment on my writing. I will âtryâ because to be honest, I know I wasnât trying enough, to give better writing assignments.
I STOP HERE and you continue to
¡ rethink
¡ revise
¡ continue
¡ use correct format for dialogue
¡ make par breaks
Until one day, I was not only tired of my own personal problems that were affecting , but also of the poor comments I will get in my work. I walked up to my English teacher and I asked him what kind of work he wanted for me to get a good grade. And he answered, âthe same work I ask from your other classmates, look, They come to class, they pay attention, ask for help. Maria I donât know why you chose AP English because you are not in the level of this class and maybe consider dropping this class.â At first I got mad, because I felt I was in the right. I was giving him quality work. But as the weeks went on, I told myself I wasnât going to let him think I didnât deserve to be in his class. My attitude and ignorance didnât notice that during the first 4 months all Mr. Hernandez was doing it for me to keep trying and become better. His comments werenât as negative as I thought they were. I started to work and to not give up. I remember giving him an essay days before my birthday. But this time I told myself I wasnât going to let the comments affect me. [CSD and develop sacene HERE] A day after my birthday he gave us our work back and when i went to pick up my essay, all he said was âread the comments and happy belated birthdayâ. I was confused until I saw my grade. I got a 3 on my essay and the comments werenât as bad [SHOW me these comments] as before. I couldnât believe I got a high score after so many months. I continue to work and this time ask for his help like the rest [ develop details CSD]. I wanted to continue learning but this time I proved to myself that I can do better if I put the dedication to my work.
[CSD develop as a scene] Teacher appreciation week arrived, and I took that opportunity to write Mr Hernandez a letter. I mentioned how excited I was to join his class but how his negative comments affected me at that time. How I felt when he said I didnât deserve to be in his class . I also mentioned how I noticed he only wanted me to improve my skills, and how at the end I was lucky to have him as my teacher and that I was thankful for all his advice. A week later, he told me to stay after class because he wanted to talk to me. He later told me that out of all his 90 students that he has helped, not a single one of them took their time to write a letter. He said that he didnât mean to say things to affect me but to make me a better student because he knew I was capable of giving better work. After that day Mr Hernandez continued on helping me with better techniques for me to understand. Throughout my senior year he continued to help. I will go during my lunch period to his office to also help him with our Pre Med slc since not only was he an English teacher but also our Pre med director. The last day of school, he told me to never forget the things he taught me and if I ever needed help just to email him. [develop into a conclusion ]Mr Hernandez saw I had potential, I just was not focused.
Please please — STUDY my teacher comments on HW 3 Mentor Q and HW 6 Opening