Growing up, I always watched high school movies and expected the same high school experience as the movies. But the illusion was shattered when Covid 19 swept in ravaging our livelihood. I used Zoom for all of the 9th grade so I didn’t create a friendship with anyone. As the Summer of 2021 ended and 10th grade began, I set foot in my high school for the first time. Rachel Carson was known as a small school in Coney Island. But I attended it because all my siblings went to it. As I was standing in front of the door nervous to go in I saw people already in friend groups. I took a deep breath and went in and the first thing I see is the security guard scanning kids in with their IDs. I was next in line panicking because I never realized I was supposed to come before school started to get an ID. “Where’s your ID kid,” said the security guard. I replied, “I forgot to get one”. “Alrighty I’ll scan you in but make sure to get an ID card in the main office,” said the security guard. I nodded and said, “Will do sir”.
As I opened the door my backpack felt heavier than ever. Seeing kids walk past me with confidence and laughing with one another. While walking I’m gripping the straps of my bag with nervousness hearing squeaking shoes and hearing loud conversation with other students. I take out my schedule to find what class I must attend. I was having a hard time reading it because my hand kept shaking but when I finally calmed down I read English room 115. With each step I took getting closer to my class my nervousness kept building up. It was as if time was slowing down in purpose to make my journey to my classroom longer. I stopped in front of the classroom door taking a deep breath to prepare myself to enter. Once I built up the confidence I went in and everyone was staring at me. My eyes were scanning the room to find a seat in the back away from the attention. As I sat down I put my hood up and saw a warm welcoming smile from my teacher.
Nice! I thought high school would like that too, turns out it was an over exaggeration or available for certain areas. I can feel the anxiety with the vocabulary and constant description of sounds. One thing I would say is that you can chop up some of your sentences, or split them up with more commas. Just so they don’t sound like they’re being dragged on. Otherwise, it’s cool, can’t wait to see what’s next.
I, Like the fact that this is extremely relatable and I think some people in this class can agree this is how highschool will turn out
I definitely could relate to not having an ID the first day of school. I didn’t go to orientation so I didn’t have an ID so I was super nervous.
OK this is good!
NOW you need to combine with your HW3 Saved and continue on to the next events that move your story forward. STUDY my comments on your HW 3 Saved.
Use your outline HW 4.
Nael: Work on clear paragraph breaks. Shorter chunks of writing.
Some edits:
Growing up, I always watched high school movies and expected the same high school experience as the movies. [CSD details WHAT were you expecting that sounds like a movie? Something about important friendships in a movie â since this is what you are lacking and what Volleyball will give you.]
But the illusion was shattered when Covid 19 swept in ravaging our livelihood. I used Zoom for all of the 9th grade so I didnât create a friendship with anyone. As the Summer of 2021 ended and 10th grade began, I set foot in my high school for the first time. Rachel Carson was known as a small school in Coney Island. But I attended it because all my siblings went to it. As I was standing in front of the door nervous to go in I saw people already in friend groups. I took a deep breath and went in and the first thing I see is the security guard scanning kids in with their IDs. I was next in line panicking because I never realized I was supposed to come before school started to get an ID.
put in proper dialogue format SO–
âWhereâs your ID kid?â [? NOT ,] said the security guard.
[HOW were you feeling as you realized this?] I replied, âI forgot to get oneâ. [period inside]
âAlrighty Iâll scan you in but make sure to get an ID card in the main office,â said the security guard.
I nodded and said, âWill do sirâ.
[lots of good CSD here in this par] As I opened the door my backpack felt heavier than ever. Seeing kids walk past me with confidence and laughing with one another. While walking Iâm gripping the straps of my bag with nervousness hearing squeaking shoes and hearing loud conversation with other students. I take out my schedule to find what class I must attend. I was having a hard time reading it because my hand kept shaking but when I finally calmed down I read âEnglish room 115.â With each step I took getting closer to my class my nervousness kept building up. It was as if time was slowing down in purpose to make my journey to my classroom longer. I stopped in front of the classroom door taking a deep breath to prepare myself to enter. Once I built up the confidence I went in and everyone was staring at me. My eyes were scanning the room to find a seat in the back away from the attention. As I sat down I put my hood up and saw a warm welcoming smile from my teacher.