Composition 1
The OpenLab is an open-source, digital platform designed to support teaching and learning at City Tech (New York City College of Technology), and to promote student and faculty engagement in the intellectual and social life of the college community.
First of all I want to say tank you to Brittny for sharing this unpleasant experience us. I can feel how you feel about love in your very first sentence of your essay. After reading your essay i can see how much you love your best friend and care about her life, even though in the end her husband died but I think you actually helped saved your best friend’s life otherwise both of them could end up like Romeo and Juliet. I was wondering if your friend and her husband ever tried to solve their issue by going to a marriage counselor?
Hi Brittny!
Thank you for sharing your story of your personal experience being the friend of a toxic relationship. While there was no title, the beginning of your essay started strong. It was powerful from the first line to the last, and didn’t fail to keep me on the edge of my seat throughout. Your language used was not fake, it was your own personal voice that was heard in the story, which is enjoyable. It made the story even more real knowing you weren’t using any fancy or elaborate words to describe the intense situation. I liked the use of dialog, as well. I can feel myself visualizing the conversation with you and Crystal, and seeing the sunglasses on her face and you two drinking your dollar lattes. The only suggestion I have is adding a bit more detail of the contrast of Crystal’s and Bobby’s obviously toxic and unhealthy relationship (especially with the parallels with the famous couples who deceive the public eye). You mentioned that they liked to stay in together, enjoyed video games, anime, and buffalo wings. A little more description of what drew these two together would make the delivery of the climax of the story even stronger.
Brittny I appreciate you sharing your unfortunate experience with your Best friend. In my opinion, I think your essay was just about perfect. Just like some of us, I would like to know some details about how Crystal and Bobbyâs relationship unfolded and became visually toxic and besides Crystal going to Florida, it would be nice if we got to know exactly what else drove Bobby to his suicide. Also because of how drawn I am to your story itâll be interesting to see what title youâll give it.
Hello Brittny,
I found your piece very interesting because of the opinion that you expressed and the supporting story that you were willing to share with us. I love how jarring your opening line was and also how passionate your explanation for it is. Your story telling throughout the rest of the essay is amazing, especially in the second and third paragraphs. Reading it, I can’t help but feel like I’m strolling along with you two, feeling the chill of the Autumn morning while listening in on your conversation. I feel the tension when you begin to talk about Bobby, and later on Crystal’s resistance when she deflects your concern. The details of the moment were Crystal clear (Forgive the pun. I just couldn’t resist.)
The way you shared the story was from your perspective: a third party experiencing an abusive relationship from the outside. More specifically, from the point of view of a considerate friend. Because of that, we end up receiving a one sided account of the story. Now, for the sake of your argument, this is not bad because we are only concerned with witnessing the toxicity of love, and hearing Bobby’s side of the story may blur the line and threaten your point. But from a storytelling standpoint, I believe that a little more all around coverage will provide some context to the situation. With a better understanding in what’s really happening as things progress, Bobby’s death can be built up to and have more of an impact when introduced. With that emotional affect on the audience, your point has even more weight upon delivery.
Brittnyâs essay was outstanding in my opinion. I loved how she started her essay with an attention grabber because it made me want to read more. Brittnyâs essay was well written and filled with details for us to fully understand her experience and outlook of a toxic relationship. I like how Brittny never gave up on her friend and kept supporting her and trying to help her get out of her toxic relationship even though her friend wouldâve her to stop and let it go. It was really nice to know that Chrissy was able to build u enough confidence to get out of her toxic relationship and move on with her life. To conclude Brittny showed us what she learned from her experience of watching her friend be in a toxic relationship. I felt as if her ending was very strong because she reiterated examples of love in a toxic relationships and what she learned which was â if you love yourself enough love has a way of not totally being miserable.â By Brittny ending her essay with what she learned it shows us clearly that was able to learn something from experience.
Hey Brittny,
Hope all is well. From reading the introductory paragraph, I thought your writing style was really good. The topic of love can be very empathetic and no one’s love story is better than the next one, believe me. From reading your story I came to the conclusion that I was genuinely emotionally attached to your writing; it’s incredible how a total stranger’s story can impact your own.
But I really appreciate you for sticking with your friend, all in all, I don’t think its anyone’s fault for the way things turned out… sadly, and I think you did the best you could in this situation. I also like how you reiterated the “Love fucking sucks” in the intro and conclusion because it showed an emphasis on your emotions. Thank you for sharing with us.
you have alot of potential so I am looking forward to your final draft!
I remember you reading this essay in class I was like wow. It’s powerful the uses of figurative language the flow and picture you paint for us. I love how you show us instead of telling us. When you first read this essay in front of the class I was surprised and embarrassed because I compare it to my own unfinished writing which was not up to the quality you had. I’m not sure that you can improve in anything because this is a great work it highlights toxic relationship. your last paragraph is great too. its just amazing great job