5 thoughts on “Feedback for Alia”

  1. After reading Alia’s essay on having an older sisters and how they can completely chanege your life in a positive way. I absolutely agree with her because I also have a older sister who is very supportive. It was hard being a full time college student and going to jobs at the same time, because I have never experienced this amount pressure in high school life and now all of sudden I have two jobs and college and I am not used to it. I used to stressed out a lot but then every time I shared my problem she always gave me motivation and taught me skills like time management and how to control stress, and now even if she does not give me any advice but just sharing my problems with her just makes me feel better.

  2. While reading Alia’s essay I found myself relating to both her and her sister a lot. Growing up I was like her sister I wanted to have a little sister so bad. I used to pray,wish and beg my mom to give me a little sister and she always told me no because she did not want anymore kids. I remember when my mom told me she was pregnant years later I was so happy because my wish was finally coming through i can possibly have a little sister. Unfortunately instead of getting a sister I got a little brother. I ended up getting a sister thirteen years later it was a long wait but, my wish came through finally. Being the older sibling I understand how Alia’s sister feels in wanting what’s best for Alia because I always want what’s best for my siblings. It was really nice to read about the relationship between Alia and her sister. In the end Alia learned so many things from her sister some of the things she learned are very valuable life lessons for example staying true to yourself and having self confidence are important to know. I hope I am able to teach my siblings valuable life lessons like Alia’s sister taught her.

  3. Hi Alia! Thanks for sharing your relationship with your older sister. I found myself always wanting an older sister growing up, and could feel the love you have for yours while reading through your essay. Despite her moving out at a young age or you ratting her out to your mother, it’s clear there was nothing but love for your older sibling. There are specific instances where you hint at stories between you and your sister, whether it’s when she helped you and your younger brother with assignments or when your sister gained acceptance to college. I would love to know more details surrounding one particular story you have between your sister at any point in time, but overall, you shared a lot of backstory around your family dynamics and I grew fond reading about the bond you two have together.

  4. Hello Alia,

    Great draft! What a touching story. I hope you’ve shown your sister how much you appreciate her, or at least showed her your essay. I’m sure she would love to read it. I have a younger sister, and I see myself encouraging her similar to how your sister encourages you. You tell us a lot about your sister and your relationship with her in your essay, but what exactly do you want us to take away from your extensive life story? You’ve given us a lot to analyze, but maybe too much to consider. My advice would be to choose one instance that illustrates your relationship with her. That will give you the ability to show the reader why you love your sister instead of telling them, all without dividing the audience’s attention.

    Be safe!

  5. I loved your heart warming story. I related to it a lot. for example I have a quite similar relationship with my sister although she told my mother she didn’t want to a younger sibling. the part about when she get in trouble I laughed so hard because I was like “that me 2” wow like I thought I was the only one. Your essay was great everything you introduce was introduced at the right time everything was explained well and left me with no question.

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