Year: 2019

Rough Draft #1

     Coming to New York was not want I wanted and still deciding whether or not I still want to stay. Initially I thought I was going to be a sophomore when I began school because my brother, having gone through the New York public school system said that I had to take 8 regents and there was now way I was going to be able to do them in just 2 years. Regents were the things I feared the most, not completing or scoring too low would have me not graduating high school or staying back a grade or two until I completed them. Those were my thoughts before I even encountered and fully grasped what a Regent was and how it would fully affect my academic life. 

     After going to many, many many DOE conferences and being told that no I don’t have the right documentation and yes I may have to redo a year or two again because of it. At that point in my life I was fed up and tired of school and everything that was going on. However, soon after I was told that the DOE had decided that though I didn’t have transferred papers my report cards from my previous school in Florida would be enough to calculate that I was probably okay with being in the 11th grade and I was good to go and all I had to do was decide what school I wanted to go to  and the rest would be a breeze. But it turns out that choosing a school would be and even harder task than expected.  

     Certain schools wanted students with proper identification and other didn’t need the documents but you had to have the right skin tone and after being rejected from three different school I grabbed the big fat New York school directory once again and tried to find another school in Brooklyn. And that’s when I came across John Dewey High School. Dewey had  decent school scores, a fair amount of graduation classes, and a larger amount of student activities and clubs, plus my aunt went there so I guess it was an okay place to be. During my registration for Dewey, I met the woman who would my lifesaver and personal guardian at school for the next two years, Mrs. Gatusso. 

Mrs. Gatusso was there for me when I need her throughout my junior and senior. She was there when I needed to talk and her office was always open to all students and she was always willing to help everyone that came to her office in need of everything. 

    On the school I met My English teacher, who later became my Mock Trial Coach, her name was Ms. Clark and to this day I’m extremely grateful to have been in her class. She was one of the best teachers that I have ever had. Ms. Clark was a White and Koren, who was rather young, small and had the energy of a power house. She was very compassionate and helpful during my Junior year of High School and she was a big help during the English Regents and I will be forever grateful for her. 

      It was the day of the English Regents and I was what you could call terrified. I had prepared and studied the formats but that wasn’t gonna help if I couldn’t even remember what my name was. But I ate a good breakfast arrived early and was ready. I can’t remember what happened during the test or what was on that test.  I do know that I was the last one to leave and I had left in tears. I was absolutely positive that I had failed. As I was leaving I passed Ms. Clark’s room. I went inside with the intention of apologizing for falling and to tell her I was probably going to be transferred out because of it. She saw me and stopped eating. She then asked me what was wrong and gave me a hug. I explained that I was sure to have failed and I’m sorry to have disappointed her. She then sat me down asked me every possible question about the test, what I did and the formats that I had presented the questions in. It was then that I knew that I had a teacher that actually cared about her students and was there for them,  even when she didn’t need to be. She told me that, from everything I told her that I would’ve passed with at least a 65. I left reassured and grateful for pep talk and reassurance.

     After waiting two weeks antagonizing weeks, the scores were announced. Clark then informed me that I had passed with a 90 and that she was very proud of me and that there was truly nothing to worry about. 

    This has made me realize that there are teachers and counselors that actually care about their students and they would do whatever it takes to actually counsel them and make them feel better about whatever they are going through. 

In high school i didn’t have too many friends for many reasons so I gain few staff friends that help me so much as whole in high school but this day oh man mrs Guash and Mr Ghie came in clutch this day to help me but here’s a little back story about them. Mrs. Guash was a guidance and Ghie was dean in my school now these two staff members were the only one that believed and understood my story as a student and my behavior problem and try to help me come up with a better solution to solve my problems.
So this day I am in my US history class and my teacher Mr.Buxs assigns a group project for my class and gives a due date thats is different from whats on pupil path. Meanwhile in class of thirty kids maybe 5 to 10 kids were listening to him. So I tell mr. buxs “you do know that there is different due date on pupilpath then what you verbal said to the class” so he looks on pupilpath and it turns out I was correct. Instead of apologizing for it say its an error and warning other kids. Mr. bux basically he tells me “there is no reason why I need to act so cocky and arrogant“ at this moment every student heard him say that to me I was so embarrassed and confused that he put me on the spot why he use those words to describe me as a student. So I told him who the f**k are you talking to and how am I cocky and arrogant for helping you out.
Little do people know I was running on 4 hrs of sleep this situation can go zero to one hundred real quick. I already don’t like him or the subject and I had his class the second last period of my school day I felt like in 45 minutes we never as a class got alot done because of other students taking advantage of the teacher. He was one of those teachers that had to stop the whole class to check one student and their behavior which out of 45 minutes it takes 10 minutes for everyone to come in calm down it takes 5 minutes just for him to finish correcting students. I was always lost in class when I told him he tries to accuse me of talking to peers about things off topic is the reason why “ i’m having trouble” which isn’t true because I didn’t like anyone in class so why talk to them.
But Mr.Buxs this day he tells “ Amaya, I’m tired of you and your outburst during class and you are distracting the whole class from learning you need to learn to have self control in yourself if you dont stop im calling your mom and i’m calling school safety escort you out of my class” I reply “what are talking about all I do is come straight in classroom, on time! Take a notebook out and get started with classwork im probably the only student that does I don’t care if you call my mom im not waiting for you try to make an example out of me which is unfair.” He calls safety so they can come and I facetime my mom and I told him” I’m not leaving class because today you acting like a complete d**k, just because you had a shitty day doesn’t mean you make mine one too.”
When I look up at the door two safety agents and my dean Mr Ghie was there he tells me “Amaya come to my office your not in any trouble we need to have a little conversation so bring your belongs please come with me.” I didn’t fight or argue with Ghie I just got up went with him the whole elevator ride down to his office I was so mad and frustrated at myself because I am willing to let him get me so angry I missed out on my purpose and my reason for being in school. Ghie brings me into Mrs Guash office we both sit at a round table in her office. I gave them a play by play on what happened and they started laughing because they knew earlier that today before I went to class I didn’t want to go because “I felt his vibe will be bad, I’m not here for the shenanigans he got going on because he couldn’t find a park that morning” so the fact that not even 15 minutes and yes 15 minutes after the late bell rings . I’m back in her office yelling “Guacamole this teacher pick the wrong one, on the wrong day to f**K with me” had the whole office laughing.
So both of them sat me down and heard my side and said to me what is your goal when you walk in that class I said “prepare for the regents “ do you think want just happen in class helped or harmed you and your goal I said to her “no it harmed my goal. ” She then tells me teachers have upper hand of students because they are responsible for your grades. Teachers are human and make many mistakes, they are normally out number in classroom so when you call him out after his bad day you straw that breaks the camel’s back this doesn’t make it right what he said but you only have control of who? I said “ myself “ so in the event you want a positive outcome your response has to be positive right ? I agreed so do you believe in this event your response was positive or negative I said while rolling my eyes “it was obviously negative”
Ghie jump in and says E+R=O. Event plus response equal outcome. So next time you are put in this situation think about your outcome, you can’t control event but you can change your response so you can get the results you want. Little light bulb went off in my head and it example a lot of the disconnect from other teachers why I didn’t have a lot of friends in middle and high school. Remembering sometimes not saying anything can make you win in the event you need to respond. Wait process information on event, weigh out your option if you pick one option over the other what is your result ? And how is it different ? Is this the result you are trying to achieve if not what are you trying to do to change your results. At that very second everything made more sense than before, I left her office with a better understanding of everything. So after that day, I promise I won’t let another teacher get up under my skin. I’m in control of my education and my life I won’t let the event control me to the point I lose focus of my goal. Since that point I never argue with any teacher when it happens I just listen, wait after class to respond. So no one is pressure to act a certain way it has worked for a while, I pass it to all my friends when I have advice to give, because it has help me so much on my daily interacting with other people.

There were many events that completely shifted my view on education and school, but the number one factor was social media. The constant exposure to how hated school was, waking up to go to school, growing old and dealing with more responsibility made me assimilate with how everyone else thought towards school. Eventually, I grew a strong distaste waking up every morning for school only to feel fatigued and lazy. Every single day just felt the same and it was exactly the same, waking up every morning for school, go home and do the work assigned to me that’s due whenever, shower, sleep, and repeat. The constant testing and being forced to socialize with other people massively increased my distaste towards the environment. The fact that I’m in college now and looking back at high school, it makes me feel like it was the easiest thing to go through while I know back then I was stressing out insanely. I messed up my first year by never going, cutting, and just being rebellious but eventually that bit me in the ass. Failing my first year dropped my GPA to below three and damaged my chances of getting into John Jay, which was my dream choice, that I got denied to. I’ve always considered myself to be an introvert and not be that open, and I still am that way. I will push aside any social incapability I have to actually be social and make the first move when needed, but I will not go out of my way. Being exposed to social media really made me follow how everyone else thought towards school, but eventually I became open-minded about education and school, and still, my opinion was still the same. All the testing seems pointless to me and it’s primarily a test towards your own intelligence.

I would concur that my intelligence is insulted if I were to get a bad grade on a test or something, when in reality, I know I’m more educated in other areas. My forte is primarily writing, reading, debating, history, etc. However, with math, it’s like I’m completely a brick wall and I’m incapable of solving anything. Basic math is a given and you learn in back in elementary, but excelling in math is something I’m completely incapable of doing. I was to be put in honors for a government class back in my senior year of high school but I was too lazy to even talk to my counselor on how I was recommended by my teacher to be put in it. Everybody will either have the same opinion as you do towards school, or a completely different one which is alien. Either having a distaste for school is more known and popularized or it’s actually a wide-spread opinion amongst the youth. Finally having a small schedule for my senior year really made me careless towards actually putting in the effort for my classes. After being accepted into a college and knowing I’d be graduating guaranteed, I just didn’t see the point of actually caring. I would even leave my third period class, which was my last class in my schedule, just to work a morning shift at my former job, that’s how I knew my former job was more of a priority than a gym class I knew I was guaranteed to pass.

I never really understood the concept of regents, as New York is the only state to have them. I questioned if it’s only to test a student’s intelligence or categorize students, and to this day I still don’t understand it. It’s the least of my worries now as I’m in college and have other things to worry about. College has a whole new esque which I actually really enjoy in comparison to high school. You have more responsibility, which can be a con to others, but you have free reign to do what you want with your time. I’m responsible to show up to my classes and pass these classes to move onto the next year and fulfill my major and not having “big brother” constantly watching your every move is relaxing. Finally turning eighteen has its wonderful perks of being an adult and actually living life, and the majority of my youth I’ve always fantasized how adult life would be and would I be ready for it. I’ve always felt like my mentality was older than my age and it was a constant struggle for me. College feels a lot smoother than high school and I cherish that completely and I have high hopes for college than I have ever had for high school.

Clinton was NOT your regular high school at all I don’t care how much you can relate or compare to your high school. This school was just on some other shit. On my first day of school… let me tell you. That is when I realized this school was not shit. Why right when I walk in through the doors the security guards by the scanners looking at me like I’m their next predictor. Looking like hungry ass lions in the wild. Honestly this is a school. They swore they was working at a prison word to my mother. You got security guards patting you down and passing the hand wand all around you. I’m just thinking in my head “What the fuck do these kids bring to school? Like am I bugging or?” . Anyways after the trauma with the security guards..oh that was nothing compared to what I saw. I literally could not tell the difference like was I at school or in Fordham road right now ? These guys posted up on the wall, hollering at girls and playing dice (sort of like gambling) in the coners. I just kept walking straight trying to ignore all this nonsense specially these ugly kids trying to holla  at me. I saw a friend I made on Facebook that went to this school down the hallway. I was so relieved because I did not even have a schedule in my hand  therefore I had no clue where my clases were. She was so cute with her dirty blonde curly hair and her Nike outfit from head to toe. She approached me all happy and excited. She laughs at me and says “are you okay you look lost hahahah” which I was honestly. “Yes I am I need to find an office or something  because I do not even have my schedule bro” I responded stressed. She directed me to an office where I waited a whole hour. Walking with her felt like I was a child at a carnaval who had lost their mother. At every coner she greeted someone and every time I blinked she was on to the next. It was so stressful figuring out where she went and all these people looking at me. Once I walked in there was a huge line with students with complaints about their schedules and all that nonesense.when the counselor finally got to me she kept going on how I was not on the system yet and a bunch of excuses on to why I didn’t have a schedule set up yet. She looked weird to me she had pointy reading glasses and looked like the suit maker from the incredibles. Honestly I did not care I just wanted this to be over with. After leaving that office at 12pm I headed to my 5th period class where only 10-7 students were present. Mind you the attendance had about 30 students who were supposed to be there. Now this was the most shocking I see this spacious room with no students. The teacher rushing around the room with her blond curly hair going on about some nonsense. A couple of students on the smart board watching a football game and the rest well talking. I sat down and just stared at everything going on. She exclaimed out of nowhere saying “please take out a pen and paper and look productive thank you”. So is she not planning on teaching a lesson? Anything? I realized how going to class in this school was rare I just couldn’t understand why would that even be rare. I came from a school where if you came late you had detention or if You didn’t wear uniform you got sent home and where u rarely saw one person in the hallways. Also you would have to pay a dollar Friday’s to Not wear uniform but that is another story. Coming to Dewitt clinton high school impacted the way I viewed education and school because first and foremost no one seemed to care about their education. The staff and teachers didn’t care about giving it to the students either. This school showed me how a school is a effort everyone part takes in not only the teachers. A teacher can not teach a class if the students do not show up. This also showed me how some educational campuses are corrupted and most importantly none cares about your education more than you. What you put in is what you get out of it. This school that I am describing to you is where a lot of famous people graduated from including Stan lee. A school with money and many opportunities of programs and everything you can name provided and these kids did not take advantage. Education and school has to be something you want and are willing to work for it will not be handed to you all the time. Sometimes you have to work for it. That was a big lesson I learned there. It also impacted me to learn on my own and to not rely on my teachers for everything, to take responsibility for my own education.

Chris Chan

Prof. Hall

Rough draft

 “Academic Integrity”

Education is extremely important and I feel like no one should ever take it for granted. Especially if you look at those who risk and sacrifice everything they have for their kids or themselves to learn. Of course as a little kid, these thoughts don’t fly by your mind, and you just go on and follow what you see. Your always told to just try “hard” but that isn’t always the case. Majority of the time, playing it smart and not necessarily working hard gets you further.

I was never a bad kid in school or in general, but I did do some dumb stuff here and there that got me standing in front of an adult having to explain my actions. In class, I paid attention and did my work, got some laughs in with my friends, etc. I never got to hang out afterschool daily, I was picked up in a car and didn’t ride the train. At that time, I hated it and resented the proposition of being picked up. Now that I reflect on it, I was glad it happened and now I wished I was picked up daily rather than taking the train home. Afterschool, I went straight home and did homework. Homework always took at least an hour, with English being the most time consuming. That class always had me worried, we had to read multiple books every year. It was late October in 7^th grade when I started to realize that almost everybody in my English class had the same grades, all in the 90s. The teacher wasn’t bogus, she was legit, she graded hard. Seats were moved in the second semester and I had a new neighbor.  I wouldn’t say he had the best attendance nor care for his grades. However, we made good connections and became close friends. I struggled hard on this book review that I was given weeks to do and I didn’t even finish reading the last 5 chapters. I ended up arriving to class the next morning empty handed. I was certain others had failed to do it as well. To my surprise, sitting beside me in the calmest stance, Orion had the whole sheet filled out. Every quote, explanation and scene, from each chapter written on his paper. I was in awe, I felt absolutely retarded and I asked him how he finished it with such ease. I was expecting a response of hard work and nights of reading but instead he showed me a link to an online site that gave every detail from the book. It kinda struck me at that point that I was clueless to the vastness of the internet. I ended up getting an incomplete for my final grade. For the next assignment, I did what any other kid would have done in my situation. It was there I understood the finesse of the system. This was all homework but I never had the balls to cheat on a test. It was too risky and I never really needed to.

Middle school went by like a breeze, tears on the last day and for me i had a lot of friends going to the same high school. It was a chance to start fresh and exceed better than I did for the last 3 years. It was during the first week on high school when I had my first serious talks about academic honesty and integrity.It didn’t really scare me that much. Class was easy for me because I knew the cheats to most of the answers and it was to the point that I barely look at the questions and I just copy it from the sites. Deep down, it was easy for me but it would hit me hard when tests came up. I wouldn’t say I never cheated on tests but I soon came to realization that I was struggling because I kept choosing the easy way out and never took my time to think and do these problems. I started to pick up my pace for a while before my senior year. When my senior year came, I stressed on SATs and college applications. I had switched between 3 different guidance counselors, and I couldn’t really go to anyone to ask about college. It hit me that it was the real deal, I can’t finesse my way out of this The night after the first SAT testing, I was chatting in the  group chat when my friend told us he had cheated on the SAT. The proctor had been on his phone and half the class had their phones out. When the scores came out, he had gotten a 1400~ without super score. i was jealous, livid and shocked, because to me it was middle school in repeat. I hated the system for this and it made no sense to me. It is extremely easy to get tempted to one thing and taking the risk to push further because it didn’t affect you much. I became lazier to do the simplest things, but at the same time I would defend myself by saying I was like every teenager in high school. I’m not saying if I had done my homework, I would have gone to Harvard but it would have definitely impacted me while developing as a teenager.

The Bronx home to the second greatest baseball team The Yankees, a melting pot of multiple ethnic groups, and the birthplace of modern hip hop! A significant portion of my life I’ve spent absorbing the plethora of experiences the Bronx has to offer, ranging from exciting games at Yankee stadium, and also living one block away from the esteemed Grandmaster Flash’s old project building. “Plethora Of Experiences” Neil you only named two things, what about “the melting pot of multiple ethnic groups”? We’ll get into that eventually, see I can’t talk about the people of the Bronx without talking about the public education of the Bronx. Out of my 17 years of my life, roughly 12-13 Years were spent in the public education system, and it was to put into simple terms “shitty”. While I will admit that the years leading up to the Obama administration were bearable, the minute Michelle Obama changed the standard for school lunch everything went downhill. The first problem being that the food changed from being actual food to “healthy” alternatives, which boiled down to pre-made microwaved food. The Bronx was notorious for its bad food in general and these changes made it worse; crappy school lunch was the least of my problems in elementary school. I was deemed a troubled kid young and encountered my fair share teachers who would’ve loved to not have me as a student. I ended up not spending a lot of time in elementary school and spending most of my 4th and 5th-grade year in therapy. This was counterproductive since I missed out on key moments that kids have during their elementary school years, recess, making friends, gym periods. My therapy sessions ceased since it started to take a noticeable toll on my family financially, and as I transitioned into middle school my life continued to deteriorate. I lacked the necessary social skills to make friends and developed an anxiety disorder ironically named SAD. Social Anxiety Disorder made it difficult to make friends since I was constantly afraid of being judged to the point that I would avoid human contact. I tried to emulate my older sister since she was smart, popular, outgoing, and had a lot of friends. My attempts yielded some results, I needed attention so I made a conscious choice to become a trouble maker. I didn’t like teachers anyway so stopping lessons and slowing down the classroom was a win-win for me. High School was the turning point for me since I stopped being awkward, and started to mature immensely. My outlook on education still hadn’t changed since teachers/faculty never did anything for me, when I struggled with depression, when I yearned for attention, no teacher came and gave me what I needed. A helping hand, all I wanted to hear was that someone cared, I’ll admit partially it’s my fault since I treated them like crap, but it’s kinda their job to help me out soooo that’s on them. My mental issues still burdened me in high school, but I had friends now which helped keep my mind distracted. I created meaningful relationships and enjoyed the merits of friendship, unfortunately, I still didn’t have anyone to relate to. The 12th-grade year is when I distanced myself from school, I essentially missed the whole year, due to lack of motivation for school and life itself. What was different about this chapter in my life is that my teachers cared for me. My first-period teacher would call me so I can come to school, even if I was late I was accepted with open arms. For once educators cared about me, after so many years of being neglected, the people I wanted to acknowledge me had done it. Even with their efforts not much changed in me, it wasn’t until halfway through the year that their dedication to my success was apparent. After receiving barely passing marks I was done with school, I tried to be interested but I was having trouble immersing myself into the mentality of a scholar. Mentally I was somewhere else and around this time is when I was contemplating suicide, the dean of my school was notified by my advisor after she overheard me talking about it.

Shania Romain

Professor Hall

English

September 9th 2019

“Chain Of Events”

 That lil boy really saved my life I tell you man ! Have you ever heard the saying “ My Baby Boy changed me .. I am so glad he chose me to be his mother”. That’s me and I can relate.Let me run you through the chain of events. I was a troublesome kid in highschool , I went to Urban Assembly School of Law and Justice . it was literally the worst academic times  of my life . Did I hate school? No I just need a little L. O . V. E . I was literally fighting demons everyday . Let me break it down a little for you for you . Every other kid can sit and boast about how they enjoyed their prom , their senior trip or how they were the President of a certain club or something . They exclaimed how they got into their dream college dorming etc. I was the opposite .  I got arrested , I got left back ,I became pregnant .I was the only one who didn’t graduate . Out of the 99% of the graduates I WAS THE 1%. LOL !!!! Isn’t that funny? Classes usually ran like this 8:45 am you had to be in advisory where you basically get prepared for all of your classes . Your advisor usually spoke to you about the events going on in the school spoke to you about things your teacher was saying about you the class  you needed to improve on checked attendance etc . My name was never called , I was never there . Your first class didn’t start until 9:00 am .My first class was Global , I had to take that class because I was a dick head who couldnt pass it the first time. History was one of my best subjects too, like what the hell ! The class wasn’t even that hard to be honest . Napoleon Bonaparte was a French man who moved his way up during the French Revolution . He led the French Army during hard times blah blah blah  blah , and the other nigga got his head cut off cause he was being a Tyrant and people didnt like the way he was ruling. See? It wasn’t that hard… Let me get to the time that I got arrested . Like I said I was a troublesome kid who needed some love and this is the story called “Chain of Events” It was a sunny day in mid winter , you know like when winter is finishing up not that cold but cold,you still had to wear a coat but not a big one .There was no snow .I had a Nautica coat,burgundy H&M sweater dark blue jeans and some all blue Adidas shell tops. Blue was my favorite color .I loved those blue shell tops don’t judge me and yes the other part had to do with gang affiliation . The “ Crips” . I am sure everyone has heard of them . I was affiliated not official . I didn’t fight or get jumped ,I just had a crip boyfriend well “ ex boyfriend now “ He goes by the name “Loco “ Anyways  My hair was in a bob my eyebrows were done. I remember having some hoop earrings worse earrings to wear during a fight and being escorted into an NYPD van lol . I didn’t have any nails on thank God because they would have broken during the fight . This was no ordinary fight . This was a fight against a pissed off angry teen and NYPD cop . Yes he was White , so you can only imagine how I felt. My friends and I were Downtown Brooklyn standing in the corner as we watched the whole Downtown Brooklyn go in shambles because there were other schools downtown everyone was fighting and we were just laughing like what the fuck is going on . The dummies came last minute when everything settled down everyone got their fights in whoever was fighting and the bock was clear again . Here come the pigs acting as if they were doing something running and pushing people me included . This is what started  this whole fucking thing in the first place . As we are standing there officer Bradley yes I remembered his name because to this day I still want to press charges decides to push through our circle and literally break it apart . How can one perosn break a whole circle that had to be one big push .I turned around and yelled “ WHAT THE FUCK “?? Of course I was the only loud one who said something because everyone else were pussies and as i didnt think that heard me . Instead this piece of shit turns around stares me down with his blue master of the slave eyes and grabs my fucking collar . My friends just stand there shook scared . He does this for about 45 seconds . I was scared as fuck but that only enraged me more . I got angry ! “ oh hell no , does he know who the fuck I am “ . I am not your regular black bitch I WILL CUT YOU !!. “ I grabbed my pocket knife out my bag and began cursing out loud “ I am not the fuckng one ..!!’ “You messed with the wrong one “ I made enough ruckus to catch the attention of a black officer who put the cuffs on me and took me to the precinct . I was in the precinct crying and banging on the walls for about 3 hours where they had me do the regular take off your belt shoe laces earrings etc . Do you know what it feels like to have flappy shoes with no shoe laces?? They let me out and of course my mother was unhappy she called my whole family and told them I was a disgrace , which I was . One of many disappointments . I then got pregnant and this what really changed my life . My baby boy who was supposed to come into this earth February 22nd came early November 30th. Born premature three months early at 30 weeks he  is the reason why I am the way I am now a different person . The whole shift in my academic development. When my son came into my life it changed my perspective .  I thank God everyday for him because I probably would have still been out there being a troublesome kid. I wish he was still here . He made me want to something with my life . I wanted to get focus I had to I had no choice I had  someone who was looking up to me His name was Leonard Elijah Jermaine Romain- Martin and although he passed away from Necrotizing Enterocolitis which is when the large intestines dies due to being inflamed he had a large impact on my life for the little time he’s been here . He gave me a purpose and he is the reason for my change in behavior and the way I view education . I would never want my son to go through the things I went through , I had to switch up quick and take advantage of the opportunities in front of me . First it was finishing school , and getting into college so that I can make him proud because his is the closest thing to me  and one thing I admire about him is how he never gave up when the doctors told me in the hospital that he only had 3 more days on the earth , he showed them he can stay for seven . He is my angel , my personal motivation to keep going , he changed my life I made a promise to him when he was passing away to not make my mother disappointed anymore and to make him proud . He taught me to keep going even when life is against you keep trying keep going and this is why I am the way I am the new and elevated Shania Romain. I am determined to reach my goals because my son didn’t live to reach his and as his mother, I have to make him proud.