https://docs.google.com/document/d/1eS9esqoqzH9Mg-uiBj3MTJxarNM_h2kYcwKD9CbnmrE/edit?usp=sharing
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can you see it there?
I liked the main idea and the whole story that you wrote. I learned that it is very hard to trust people because they wear a lot of masks. Some suggestions are to go over your essay and make sure that all names start from a uppercase letter. Example from your Essay: “I decided to mention to my friend isabelle if she knew where I could by bus tickets who would take us over there…” Additionally, check your grammar and put the commas in the right places because I did not see a lot of them in your essay.
Okay I will fix it then but thank you for the feedback helped me a lot!
1. Even though I am waiting on receiving access to your essay, I thought it was interesting that you also used another Latinx country. Instead of being Dominican American which Junot is, you used Ecuador as an Ecuadorian, “…Guayaquil Ecuador called Babahoyo…generations after generations…”. Two sides to the latin x diaspora.
2. Even though I could not see the essay in its entirety, I think you could improve the introduction by explaining more why using “descriptive” and “narrative” would be easier to do. I do enjoy that your intro is straight to the point. But just by adding a sentence or two on that and then explaining what/how “styles” effect writing/reading it would make the intro stronger as a whole.
are you able to see it there completely with the link?
Hello Mendieta
You did a good job in expressing the interpreting styles. Also You chose descriptive and narrative which personally I think it’s the hardest one. Good job. Lastly I think you could have added a little bit more to your introduction.
Great story! I loved how you were descriptive with everything especially how the character went about to finding out who were the thieves. I learned that not everyone who claims to be your “friend” is your friend. People hide behind their lies. I would suggest you add another style of the story to see how you would interpret the story a little differently, including a conclusion where you state what you struggled with in writing this and what you have learned from all this.
Hi Emily,
Great work, I liked how you talk about how people can wear a lot of masks and how its difficult to trust. I thought it was a great essay, only feedback would be to check grammar.
FEEDBACK
I liked how you tweaked the story so the roles of the mother and the main character can be one.”During my time working at the juice bar I was making enough money to support my family but since I had to keep it a secret I decided to save up the money in a little jar…”
You left out commas in some parts. For example, “…and I as the older of my siblings …” There should have been a comma between “I” & “as”.
Emily,
I thought that you did a really good job with your essay. Your choice to write from a descriptive and narrative point of view worked really well, and the paper flowed super well. When reading, however, I was a little confused because it seemed as if you only wrote from one perspective, and I failed to notice any significant conclusion to your essay. It is possible that you just did not finish writing the entire thing yet, but I am eager to see the final product. I think that once you clearly identify which perspective we are reading; it will flow even better. I can tell that you worked hard to write what you have so far. Everything is detailed and you communicate the story very well! Keep up the good work!
Hello Emily,
I really enjoyed reading your essay. In your essay, you wrote “Two of the people I got very close her name Isabelle and her boyfriend Leo even though I felt more close to isabelle because I felt she understood my situation and wouldn’t mention to know one.” This is a reminder that usually those who are closest to you are the once who are capable of hurting you the most. I found a typo in is quotation “isabella” – “I” should be uppercase. Overall great work. If you can add a bit more to your introduction it would be great.
I noticed that you don’t have a conclusion. You concluded the story of your experience, but didn’t make a proper conclusion that correlates with the different interpretations. You also have a lot of grammatical errors, and wording issues. Look over your entire essay and correct those errors. You also have run-on sentences in the beginning of your story.
Another thing, you need to provide two different interpretations or perspectives in order to prove your definition of what interpretation means. Right now you only have one which is your own. You need provide the perspective of the different people in your story. For example, probably use Leo’s perspective or Isabelle’s perspective being that she was his girlfriend.
On the other hand, I did appreciate the perspective you chose to use.
Ms. Mendietta,
First I am sorry to hear of what happened to you Ma’am. I like how you boldly expressed your experience, and how you have overcome it. I would like to point out the necessary things that needs to be done carefully . They are as follows;
1. Check your grammar, such as whenever to use capitalization of letters when its noun, names, days of the week or months,and names of places
2. Provide also why did Isabelle have done such thing if you can.
3. Also include if you want the decision of the Police, and what charges were filled to your friend and her boyfriend.
Best Wishes,
Jesse Abarro
I enjoyed reading your essay. I like how to describe the introduction. It was very detailed. Nice job on your essay. Keep up the good work!