https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K_GvCuc_y5BEbR-PynMvaguJ098g5dwZqlHCfsaUDgs/edit?pli=1
Composition 1
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1K_GvCuc_y5BEbR-PynMvaguJ098g5dwZqlHCfsaUDgs/edit?pli=1
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Hey Galina! Overall I loved your two stories! I really like how the sister was in on the plan with Junot! I really like that you changed the circumstances around the story in the second on, I did something similar with my essay! The main thing I noticed is grammatical errors and a few spelling errors. This is a copy of your essay and I added these comments and suggestions for you to come back to as you feel necessary! Also a little tip, I like to use something called Grammarly. It’s a free app that suggests spelling and grammar changes for any work you do! Just copy and paste the link below to see the suggestions!
https://docs.google.com/document/d/19ohBpXfBtjMqOthYdkOu8nyT8jcoAah62Xq58bKVi1g/edit?usp=sharing
Stephanie, thanks for your feedback. I truly appreciate it!
No problem! I hope it’s helpful!
I really enjoyed reading your essay it really caught my attention how you were telling your story. the only thing that I would recommend is to check if there is any grammar errors that all. but everything else I founded really well.
Hey Galina, I liked the way you wrote the essay from the perspective of the sister and the changes of scenery and people also made your second story a great read overall. I do agree with Stephanie there was a few errors and on top of that I would suggest you organize the intro and conclusion into there own paragraphs, they seem like they are a part of the story the way you have it set up. I learned that a change of pretty much everything but the main points of a story can really make an essay stand out. Overall it was a great read and I hope you find the time to correct the small mistakes.
Hello Galina,
Fabulous essay! your perspective used in describing the story is second to none. I think the story was told in its entirety and I loved it. However I think you should add a little bit more words to your conclusion. This will show the struggles you encountered while writing the essay. The use of the word ” mugged ” is not placed in the right context. I think you can use the word burglarized or robbed inplace of that.
Your conclusion has to be expanded. Take the first intro sentences to both interpretations and add them into your conclusion. I like the approach you took with the sister’s perspective because you were able to add more detail different from the thief and the bother’s perspective. Although the overall message was the same it was good to see an uncommon view of the story. For example, “A couple of days later my brother managed to get our stolen stuff, especially money, back. He waited near his friend’s house until everyone left”.
Hi Galina,
What a great first draft! The one suggestion I would make is to please check for grammar and spelling errors because it is hard to fall along with errors. However, the way you told both stories were very creative and different. I also would add more to the conclusion. How did creating these two perspectives help you understand the story? Was this difficult for you to write and create? Did you have any struggles coming up with the interpretations? These are some questions you can always add to your conclusion.
Overall it was great and I’m looking forward to reading your final draft.
Hi Galina,
I find this essay to be really special. It is written concise and does not have excessive details which kept me engaged. I do think you should add to your introduction- why does first person perspective help convey the characters emotions and feelings? Just expand a little bit. Also, you should add a conclusion for final thoughts just to piece it together. I see that you had conclusions under both stories but maybe putting them together at the end would be a good structural change. Overall I think this was a really fantastic essay. Your final thought is my belief as well, “Overall, even if characters, location, time period can be different, the main idea of the story and its message can stay the same.”