Feedback from Monroe:
Ashley,
This is a really poetic, detailed narrative about the struggle of growing up gay in a strongly Christian community in Jamaica. I like your writing style—and attention paid to small things—a lot. I would suggest going back over this and reworking some of the details to make sure they all contribute to the reader’s awareness of the conflict you’re dealing with. You might also add sections that could help us see a bit more how gayness was viewed in your community Jamaica—and then, later on, in your communities in NYC (and how this changed you). Thanks for this.
M
Ashley, I love the way you wrote your essay. The essay was really advanced and I loved it. I wouldn’t change anything.
Ashley, I enjoyed reading your paper and I can tell you are an amazing writer. I mean just the description you gave in the first couple sentences caught my attention then reading on to the rest of your story was even more descriptive and organized, I loved it. No edits needed.
The dialogue inclusion in the essay was very nice.Definitely an attention grabber.All the information that was involved flowed really well and the details you added to support the dialogues was really good (like the expressions of the characters involved faces)
Honestly your essay was extremely well written. I think it was organized pretty well and I love your choice of words as well. Very descriptive and I get a clear understanding on what’s going on by just reading this. Great work I don’t really see any major errors in this essay. GREAT WORK
I really liked how descriptive you were with this essay. Right from the bat, I was captivated. I do, suggest you structure your essay a little differently, like the wording of some of the sentences and etc. overall amazing job!
The best part about your work is how you illustrate an image through words, i love the vocabulary use and the structure was nicely done,i was able to follow your story well.
I like the way you wrote the essay. Everything was clear in the essay. You had some nice vocabulary words. Overall I will say great job.
You essay really caught my attention and I love how you used dialog. I wouldn’t change anything. You did a really good job.
Your essay was beautifully put together. Very good vocabulary and descriptive choice of words.
Great essay. I like how you put everything together. Great use of vocabulary.
Your essay really caught my attention because it is what is really going on around us, how people dont accept people based on their beliefs but in this case their sexual preferences, this mustve been very hard for you but honestly it just shaped you as a person i think it was a brave and nice thing to share.
Your whole essay is just amazing, I loved the way you wrote it and specially liked your introduction and how you developed your point through the whole essay saying what you needed say.
Really well developed essay. just need to focus on adding a little more details to it.
honestly great style of writing it was one of the best so far i enjoyed reading it …..great job