I woke up early on a Tuesday with blurred vision, my left arm sitting as if it was in a sling. When I try to walk, my left foot is dragging instead of stepping. I can’t put my flip flop on properly which is causing me to trip multiple times on my way to the bathroom.

   After a few hours of trying to be up and active and my condition worsens, I finally go to Jacobi Hospital ER in the Bronx. I was immediately called to the back. One nurse stopped what she was doing and said “Sweety, your having a stroke, we need you to call your parent and tell them bring you a change of clothes. We’re admitting you”! I could only reply “I’m 20”.

   I was taken to a room where I was put into a MRI machine. The sounds of it was unlike anything I heard before. It was a loud clicking and beeping with all sorts of other noises that big machines make. After about 30 minutes later I am back in my emergency room bed and my mother is there waiting to speak to the doctor. I have never seen her look this anxious before. This little Asian lady appeared from behind the curtain and said “You have MS, do u know what MS is?” I responded “Multiple Sclerosis?”, unsure but somewhat aware only because I had watched an episode of Royal Pains and a guy was misdiagnosed with MS due to having all of the symptoms. The Asian doctor confirmed that I was right and walked away.

   I am diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis (MS) a month and 4 days before my 21st birthday. While at the hospital, I lost the sensitivity in my left leg/foot, my left hand has completely closed only being seen as a fist, and my vision is blurry one minute and clear the next. I was put back into the MRI (Magnetic Resonance Imaging) machine, not once, but several times, giving the doctors more than one image of my brain in color and black and white. I also had three spinal taps. I am now in a wheelchair not able to hold my own weight or control my limbs, being told at 20 years old that I would never walk again. The doctors couldn’t explain how I came in contact with this disease, only that no one gave it to me and I couldn’t infect anyone. They even went on to say “Your immune system is attacking itself”.  

   I wasn’t aware that I started stuttering when I spoke. My mom had mentioned it to the doctor, thinking it was only because I spoke so fast, saying “It’s like she’s rushing through whatever she wants to say, so she stutters sometimes”. “Yes, stuttering is a common symptom of Multiple Sclerosis, because of the lesions on her brain, some of the messages the brain is sending is taking longer to be received…sometimes not received at all”. The doctor replied with a drastic pause as if I didn’t already feel as if This Was The End! I also had been sleeping a lot lately. I got fired from my first job in February after resigning from my overnight job after the holiday season, so I had the time. The time to sleep all day or plan my 21st birthday barbecue I saved up for.

   Fast forward 9 years. I can walk on my own without any supportive devices and both my hands work just fine—it’s been tested. The MS has taken away my 20/20 vision, and left me with some things I wish it didn’t. I’m a walking contradiction, conflict, and enigma within myself. And I wouldn’t change a thing. I have learned to appreciate the month I spent in the hospital. I like to think the universe was slowing me down.

   I’ve also learned the ins and outs of having MS, for example sleep, sleep is vital, but it is also dangerous. I’m more likely to catch a common cold more frequently, that will last longer than in the average person, and not getting enough sleep will increase my chances of getting sick and/or relapsing along with stress. But if I sleep too much that can be a sign of my disease progressing. Stress is another factor that will present MS symptoms and/or increase them. Avoid stressful situations and stressful people!

   Do I miss being able to flip, play sports or be active in any kind of way without tripping myself or being overly exhausted? Hell yeah! Do I like going to the doctor once a month for infusion therapy to prevent my disease getting worse? No, but I am grateful to still be able to do everything on my own and live a semi normal life. I may not be able to run up steps, but I can run down! My motor skills in my left hand may be slower than the right and “stutters”, but I’m the best driver out my whole crew, might drive better than most men.