Apprehensive.
Hello, my name is Sarah Miah. Going back to school has always been a topic that brought me anxiety. And out of all of the worries that topic brought up I never thought being in it during a pandemic would be the biggest one of them all. I took two years off from school due to health issues and the loss of most of my memories. The memory loss has been odd, difficult to accept as well as adapt to. But the main reason why I held off for so long is because it was the loss of my education as well. Most days I feel idiotic and my first semester didn’t help. Being the only girl in a class full of boys. Choosing a major where women are the minority especially women of color. And having professors that didn’t answer their email and were adamant about not answering. College has been difficult but not insurmountable. This semester I not only have professors that care but also answer their emails. I do something that makes me afraid everyday and somehow it eases my anxiety. Committing to fear reduces it. Funny, huh? This is one of the many photos I was forced to take on Eid. I’m extremely uncomfortable in front of a camera which probably doesn’t help with courses on Zoom. It’s also one of the memories that I can recall with perfect clarity. My friends and I spent Eid with my family. It was their first time celebrating and we’ve spent every year together since. My friend Ana did all of our makeup and I provided the clothes. They did the honeycomb challenge while I refused and recorded after the first bite they all raced to my bathroom to throw up. (I have the recording of that as well) Afterwards we went up the hill to the park. We were still in my traditional clothes and were sweating profusely. Janelle danced to “I like it” by Cardi B and I stayed on the swings the entire time and when I couldn’t get higher on my own I forced Lythia to push me. I can still remember the feeling of the air whooshing past me and how I thought if I got high enough I could touch the trees. Everyone was grinning so hard that our cheek muscles would spasm and we would complain but continue smiling because we couldn’t help but. It was one of those days where you felt like even gravity couldn’t bring you down. Einstein had nothing on me. I felt like I could fly.
Thank you for listening to me and have a great week. Hope you all stay safe.
