Jorge Lopez
Professor Rosen
English 2001
22 March 2018
Part 1: Retelling
There Was Once
âThere was once a poor girl, as beautiful as she was good, who lived with her wicked stepmother in a house in the forest.â
âOh good choice on setting it in a forest, but talk about the forest, like what about it?â
âYou mean like describe it?â
âYeah, details.â
âThere was once a poor girl, as beautiful as she was good, who lived with her wicked stepmother in a house in a large forest where the only other sounds were scurrying squirrels and screeching jays.â
âGood but thereâs something missing…oh talk about what made them poorâ
âLike their lifestyle?â
âYeah that could workâ
âThere was once a poor girl, as beautiful as she was good, who lived with her wicked stepmother in a old and rugged house, with broken windows and old creaking floors, poorly lit rooms and barely any furniture to work with, deep within a large forest where the only other sounds were scurrying squirrels and screeching jays.â
âOhhh I could almost imagine it, you know whatâs missing though?â
âWhatâs that?â
âA description of the girl thatâs what, canât just say sheâs beautiful and leave it at that.â
âI guess youâre right.â
âI know iâm right, now get to it!â
âThere was once a poor girl, as beautiful as she was good, with her long blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes and having a smile that would light the room, sadly lived with her wicked stepmother in a old rugged house, with broken windows and old creaking floors, poorly lit rooms and barely any furniture to work with, deep within  a large forest where the only other sounds were scurrying squirrels and screeching jays.â
âThis is coming along nicely! Keep going though, think outside the box, what havenât we added yet that we could?â
âHmmm, maybe we could talk about her background?â
âYeah yeah I like that idea!â
âThere was once a poor white girl, who grew up sheltered from the rest of the world, not knowing much beyond what sheâs seen, and as beautiful as she was good, with her long blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes, having a smile that would light the room, sadly she lived with her wicked stepmother in a old rugged house, with broken windows and creaking floors, poorly lit rooms and barely any furniture to work with, deep within  a large forest where the only other sounds were scurrying squirrels and screeching jays.â
âWow itâs like iâm right there, youâre doing a nice job describing it but I feel that you can use stronger words.â
âHow so?â
âLike for example, when you talk about the stepmother you use wicked.â
âAnd? Whatâs wrong with that.â
âNothing I just think you can take a different approach when mentioning the stepmother.â
âAlright iâll give it a shot…There was once a poor white girl, who grew up sheltered from the rest of the world, not knowing much beyond what sheâs seen, and as beautiful as she was good, with her long blonde hair and dreamy blue eyes, having a smile that would light the room, sadly she lived in an old rugged house with her stepmother who was cold and heartless because she herself had been abused in her childhood, this home, this poor broken down home, with broken windows and creaking floors, poorly lit rooms and barely any furniture to work with, resided deep within a large forest where the only other sounds were scurrying squirrels and screeching jays.â
âThis is great! Nice job!â
âYou like it?â
âLike? I love it!â
âWell I couldnât have done it without you, youâve been a big help, thank you so much!â
âNo problem! Itâs the least I can do for you.â
Part 2: Thinking about retelling
There Was Once
The story âThere Was Onceâ by Margaret Atwood is a story that revolves around a conflict between the person telling the story and the person listening to it. This conflict is due to the listener consistently criticizing and suggesting ways to change the story to make it more politically correct, which eventually aggravates the storyteller and they try to resist being told how they should write their own story. My re telling takes a similar approach but instead of the listener suggesting changes that take away from the story, they suggest changes that add to it, making it grow into its original intent.
In my version of the story I made the listener encourage the storyteller, motivating the storyteller to add on to it in different ways to improve it. Pointing out where details were missing and helping with the brainstorming in the creation process. A very different approach of the original where the listener would critique everything the storyteller wrote, patronizing them for their choice of words and format. My approach led to the story flowing in a different direction and actually allowing it to grow whereas in the original version of the story it falls flat with the storyteller ended up with less than what he had to start with. Both stories share similar relationships but revolve around different themes, for mine I aimed on the theme of growth and teamwork. Which again is seen all throughout my version as more is added to the story. In the original itâs more themed around tension and conflict, which can be seen with the listeners attitude towards the storyteller as they share their distaste for how the story was coming along.
In summary both stories share a similar relationship between storyteller and listener where one writes and the other gives feedback, but both take a different approach in how they do it. My version revolves around the listener adding to the story in a positive way by approving the storytellers decisions and encouraging, leading to growth. In the original itâs the opposite where the listener contributes negatively to the story, causing problems between them and the storyteller and eventually causing the story to die.