Mexican-American Lost Between Both Languages

     Being bilingual has definitely made education a bit of a challenge for me but with the motivation to succeed all felt possible. While places, people and processes come to mind when  thinking of an Intellectual Home. I find that it is people and processes that are the central components that reinforce and form my Intellectual Home. In order to go into more depth of this I will begin by summarizing my personal experiences that helped grow roots to my Intellectual Home and describing my small apartment , then I will compare my experience to that of Esmeralda Santiago, along with the shared feelings between Jeny Liao and I, and for last I will use the similarities of experiences and feelings to finalize the formation of my now Intellectual home. 

    I was 7 years old when my life in New York was instantly taken from me. I took a plane with my mom and brother leaving my dad behind. I wasn’t surprised because I knew his work here was better than any in Mexico. What I didn’t know was I would be leaving my English language behind and what was meant to be a two month trip would rapidly become two years straight. The first weeks of school was challenging because everyone only spoke Spanish but I felt relieved when all I did was sing English songs at the front of the class like the famous “Itsy-bitsy spider” or “twinkle-twinkle little star” and counting numbers 1 to 100, I loved to share the English language with all there but I didn’t know I’d easily forget it. I still recall the day I had forgotten the first word, I called my dad crying asking how to say 100 in English and he told me with an accent, but eventually I forgot all English. I came back to New York and now my Spanish was perfect but having to relearn English would be challenging for me. With the help and guidance of two bilingual teachers and my father as well as the strategies they taught me I was able to become an A student for the rest of elementary school. 

     I live in a very small apartment, but I have the biggest room right by the street. I love being able to hear the outside notices and I love seeing the sunset and waking up to bright sunlight. I spend most of my time in my big bed doing homework or when it’s an assignment that requires a lot of concentration then I sit by my vanity and work there for hours. My vanity has bright lights and I like to turn those on when doing work they energize me. I also do my homework in my kitchen in the glass table and that’s because I enjoy the company and my mom is always in the kitchen. The kitchen walls are very bright orange and that helps keep me up and concentrated too. Whenever I need a snack I’m in the kitchen so it’s very easy to get up and get what I need. 

    Esmeralda Santiago had the motivation and no limits which was key to her success and in fact mine too. Esmeralda was born in San Juan Puerto Rico, she struggled with the English language but with the help and attention of her teacher Ms.Brown she improved. “After the first week she moved me from the back of the room to the front seat by her desk, and after that, it felt as if she were teaching me alone.” (Santiago 3). Ms.Brown played a big part of Esmeraldas Intellectual Home, but for me it was Ms.Bueno and Mr.Carasquillo who helped me get straight A’s and pushed me not only to understand but also read and write English. Esmeralda felt watched by Ms.Brown and having all her attention on her helped, I felt motivated whenever Ms.Bueno would pull a desk right next to mine and begin to point at words and have me make a connection with a word that seemed similar in the Spanish language or when she made me re read sentences over and over again until I was able to understand every single word. During tests she would give out animal crackers and chocolates and would tell us that it would help us score higher. I always felt I needed a snack after and all it took was for her to look over my shoulder for me to feel smart and optimistic. Mr.Carasquillo would always break us into groups and I was always in the group he had to teach and in the front seat. I felt although he was teaching a group his attention was on me and I was very motivated knowing he cared to explain himself whenever I felt lost. He one day gave me children books in English and the exact same book in a Spanish version. “Every day after school I went to the library and took out as many children’s books as I was allowed” (Santiago 3). Esmeralda relied on children’s books in a way to help with her understanding of reading English. Esmeralda had a teacher who motivated her and strategies which she picked up in the same way I was guided and self taught to an extent. 

     Jenny Liao and I have similar thoughts when speaking of our parents. We grew thinking “[…] a mastery of English would promise a good, stable job in the future. [and that this] missing piece in my parents’ lives would propel me forward for the rest of mine.” (Liao 2,3) Before I learned the English language I would stay up late waiting for my father to come home and help me complete my hw, he was so patient and did the best that he could when he was struggling and having him next to me kept me motivated too and I was able to see that he was picking up on English words similar to Spanish and guess what was being written. We always knew the importance of the English Language and we tend to connect it to many possibilities that our parents weren’t able to benefit from. While Liao had a more pessimistic perspective on her parents not knowing English, I always admired them for even being in a place where they are always reminded that they don’t belong because they hear an unknown language rather than their fluent language. That is why my parents motivate me and although I became a great student in elementary school and was able to balance both Spanish and English. As I grow and become more educated I feel lost between both languages. I tend to mix them up in sentences so naturally going from one language to another. Justas Liao exemplifies “I attempt conversations with the kind women behind the bun counter at Taipan, my favorite bakery in Manhattan’s Chinatown,” (Liao 5). At my job I am the only one who speaks Spanish and I try to keep the Spanish conversations going for as long as possible to help me practice too. 

     Ultimately, my experiences in Mexico and coming back to New York helped me realize the importance of reading and writing in English as well as the importance of my first language. I’ve learned to keep a balance with strategies that were taught to me and the people around me. That is why my Intellectual home consists of the presence of my parents or brother regardless of the physical place of study. I always sit at the front of the classroom because I feel like the professors walk around the front more and even that keeps me motivated. The connection of English and Spanish words still helps me with understanding words I’m unsure about. The need for a snack or a drink while studying keeps me consistent in my education. Helping with the flow and making me feel more concentrated does make me feel like I am more likely to get things done. During long study sessions I make sure I have enough snacks to keep me on task. When I read I always read out loud because it’s what my teacher used to make me do and I feel as if doing that helps me understand and deeply process what I am reading so I reread until I am sure I understood and if not I write notes to the side making sure to come back to it and look it up in Spanish. When I am writing I write as if there are many people in the room listening or paying attention to what I am doing and that keeps me focused.