Growing up during middle school and high school, there have been long instances where I’ve felt anonymous. My best friend, Ziamara has always been the “popular” girl out of my circle. Being that I’m always with her and we’re practically inseparable, the friends that I have are because I met them through her. Now that I’m older, I am able to realize certain things and understand why I often have trouble with establishing an identity. I often felt anonymous (still do to this day) because I feel like I’ve always lived in her shadow. While I was always independent and made decisions on my own, I still felt like things reverted back to her. Things would always run back to her and I’d end up doing things because she did them. I often felt like I had no say in things and I had a lot of questions about the relationship I have with her. I often ask myself, “How would my life be without her? Would I have all these friends if I had never met her? Do people feel obligated to like me because I’m best friends with the popular girl?”. I am a very insecure female and struggle with self esteem issues. My friends are all beautiful and receive a lot of attention from other attractive females and guys. I’m not an attention seeker nor do I want to be but being that I never received this kind of treatment, it adds on to the feeling of anonymity. I’m used to feeling invisible and I feel the need to distance myself sometimes to avoid that feeling when we all hang out. I never discussed this issue with my best friend because I’m afraid she’ll misinterpret me and mistake this for jealousy and envy. I’m afraid she’ll get angry and defensive instead of being sensitive about it. I hope to eventually build the courage to speak to her about something I’ve learned to master for so long.
