“You choose your destiny at the end of the day, You do You and Society is going to them.”
My story is about how my guidance counselor in middle school saved me and helped me reason in the future about any action I intend to take. As I sit on the cold marble floor in the isolated room of Apollo Middle School’s detention center, I clench my fists, worsening the trouble I’m already in. I hear the wooden door creaking with a very eerie sound. As my black beady eyes look up, I see Mr. Robinson standing above my small frame. His stern expression to me at the time oddly softens slightly as he steps forward, and I can sense a glint of understanding in his stare. This moment commemorates the beginning of one of if not the biggest changes in my life, as his words offer guidance and a chance for redemption.
Before I was even able to protest the school’s unjust system by defending myself he smiled and looked at me and said “You choose your destiny at the end of the day, You do You and Society is going to them.” In his Matte Black Clarks, he walked away. Ever Since then, I have always seen my actions as permanent consequences that can help someone or ruin their life and I sit to take time to decide if what I’m about to say, do, or act out can be justifiable. Now looking back at it I’m beyond grateful for what he did to me. I hope I get to see him again in this lifetime so I can thank him.
Lots of good details here.
âYou choose your destiny at the end of the day, You do You and Society is going to them.â [WHAT exactly does this mean? Grammar doesnât make sense.]
My story is about how my guidance counselor in middle school saved me and helped me reason in the future about any action I intend to take.
[Start here] As I sit on the cold marble floor in the isolated room of Apollo Middle Schoolâs detention center, I clench my fists, worsening the trouble Iâm already in. HOW old are you? WHAT did you do to land in detention?]
I hear the wooden door creaking with a very eerie sound. As my black beady eyes look up, I see Mr. Robinson standing above my small frame. His stern expression to me at the time oddly softens slightly as he steps forward, and I can sense a glint of understanding in his stare. This moment commemorates the beginning of one of if not the biggest changes in my life, as his words offer guidance and a chance for redemption.
Before I was even able to protest the schoolâs unjust system by defending myself he smiled and looked at me and said âYou choose your destiny at the end of the day, You do You and Society is going to them.â In his Matte Black [no capitals] Clarks [yes capital], he walked away. [WHAT else did he say? WHAT did you say when you found your voice? More of the dialogue]
OK â WHAT are the next events that will move this story about how Mr. Robinson saved you? What other things did he do that helped you? Reach back into your memory.
[save this part for the ending â the takeaway for your reader] Ever Since then, I have always seen my actions as permanent consequences that can help someone or ruin their life and I sit to take time to decide if what Iâm about to say, do, or act out can be justifiable. Now looking back at it Iâm beyond grateful for what he did to me. I hope I get to see him again in this lifetime so I can thank him
Hi Karell,
Your story about Mr. Robinsonâs influence on your life is powerful, especially how a single moment of understanding and guidance can have a lasting impact. I found the line âYou choose your destiny at the end of the dayâ particularly meaningful, and itâs clear that his words shaped the way you think about your actions moving forward.
One part I think could be clarified is your reference to the schoolâs âunjust system.â It would be interesting to know more about what led you to feel that wayâwas there a specific incident or pattern of events that made you feel the system was unfair? Adding more context here could help readers better understand the significance of Mr. Robinsonâs intervention.
Overall, your story is really heartfelt. I really enjoyed reading it.
Great beginning Karell, it really hooked me with the immense vocabulary you used. It helps me envision a scene in my head with the great use of concrete specific details. It reminded me of the times when I would get detention and have a teacher tell me how my actions have consequences. Question for you, what makes the school system unjust? Great story Karell, hope to see the full version in the future!