A time when an authority figure said something negative to me and I challenged their words was when my English teacher from high school said “Even your siblings put more effort than you did”. He said that because my older siblings went to the same high school as me and took his class. I didn’t do one of his assignment which led to him saying that. It kinda irritated me because he was comparing me to my siblings so then I decided to focus and aimed to get a 90 in his class. My friends doubted me since they thought I would give up the first week.
After I submitted the assignment late I typed in the comment section saying “Trust the progress”. And then he replied to me saying “I can’t trust the progress if I can’t see it”. After that, I started submitting assignments on time and even acing my tests. A couple of weeks went by and it was the last week of the semester. My grade went from a 75 to a 92. He came up to me and said “Nael I should’ve trusted the progress”.
This is a nice story, Nael!
Now: Can you reach back into your memory and recreate this conversation with your English teacher Mr. GIVEHISNAME ? HOw did you reply back to his words? There has to be more in this conversation. What were you thinking inside your head? Was this happening in the classroom? Did he ask you to come after class or did he ask you this question right at your desk when he handed back an assignment? You need to add CSD Concrete Specific Details to make this into a scene with dialogue and place it squarely in a place like the classroom, or Mr. GIVEHISNAME’s office.
Other CSD that might make this story come alive: What kind of students were your siblings? NAMES? Was Mary a super writer? Was John a good essay writer? What was your writing like? Did you struggle just to write a whole paragraph? Was your sister Mr. NAME’s favorite student? So SHOW me the difference between you and your siblings with some details that show comparison.
More CSD: What exactly were the steps you took to improve your grade. Did you put more time into writing your essays? Did you visit the teacher’s afterschool sessions? It could NOT have just happened like magic — your reader won’t believe you unless you SHOW me with CSD. RLW and pay attention to how Santiago showed us exactly what she strategies she used to improve her English language skills.
Overall I am asking you to think — Is a transformative event in your educational life? Is it something you can build into a larger essay? Have you had to follow up older siblings who were all good students and you weren’t exactly the same as them? Has this been a defining part of your identity in school?