A metallic taste in my mouth ; it becomes harder to breathe with each step I take, and yet I want to beat the clock and move faster than I ever had. My Body screams at me to slow down and take a break; so close to catching the clock grazing it. When I took a break from city tech I had nothing to occupy my time. I felt empty; nothing to drive me forward. I spent a few weeks doing nothing for myself.
One day I was walking down the street from a corner store down the block there what use to be an old rust cover bakery with old creaky metal steps with a brand new planet fitness clean metal look to it and the entrance had big glowing sighs at the front just luring me in. I walk in got a membership and walk downstairs, a large assortment of equipment yet no one was down there. I chose the treadmill the simplest thing I knew to do. It was exhausting the first time on the treadmill but to be frank it was but then I was feeling before I felt pretty good. Exercising was good it took my mind off thing and more that I went the better felt I had all this energy that was wasting away. I felt focus like something I can put raw effort gain something from an just do it.                         Â
A relationship with your body is powerful, only then do you know what you’re capable of.
Love how motivated you were
Manual: This is a good descriptive scene of you being overwhelmed and in a rushing blur of a moment. Good job — It feels like that recent movie “Everything Everwhere All At Once.” But, WHEN was this?
You need to make your writing more clear. Think of the 5 W’s and add some of these important details.
Here are some ideas I have for you inserted into your piece:
A metallic taste in my mouth ; it becomes harder to breathe with each step I take, and yet I want to beat the clock and move faster than I ever had. My Body screams at me to slow down and take a break; so close to catching the clock grazing it. [Is this moment describing doing HW or the experience of being overwhelmed as a college student? — SO can you set this scene up more clearly? Add some details: Where were you? What were you doing? When in your life was this moment?].
[NEED PAR BREAK to show new topic or new moment in time. AND this is an abrupt switch to doing nothing. NEED a better transition.] Within a week things really changed. I had dropped out of City Tech. It was just too overwhelming [IDK what you felt or how this change happened but you do – so include a clear transition, even if it’s just one or two sentences]
When I took a break from city tech [CAPITALS] I had nothing to occupy my time. I felt empty; nothing to drive me forward. [IDK what your school life had been, but you did – SO show me with some description. Maybe some thing like — I had been attending 5 classes, doing HW everynight until midnight, then getting up early and catching the train to classes. Now,] I spent a few weeks doing nothing for myself.
One day I was walking down the street from a corner store down the block there what use to be an old rust cover bakery with old creaky metal steps with a brand new planet fitness clean metal look to it and the entrance had big glowing sighs at the front just luring me in. I walk in got a membership and walk downstairs, a large assortment of equipment yet no one was down there. I chose the treadmill the simplest thing I knew to do. It was exhausting the first time on the treadmill but to be frank it was but then I was feeling before I felt pretty good. Exercising was good it took my mind off thing and more that I went the better felt I had all this energy that was wasting away. I felt focus like something I can put raw effort gain something from an just do it.
__________________________
How will this piece of writing continue? Will you explain how working out in the gym became your most important activity and how it “saved” you? IF yes, then how does this relate to school life? Remember this is an educational narrative. Did working out eventually get you to come back to college? Did you meet gym friends or mentors that encouraged you to return to school, who teach you a new outlook that now transfers to some aspect of your schooling? Does working out continue to be a way to maintain yourself in a calm and productive manner in your school life?
Exercising is Valid I enjoy as well
I felt the same way about joining the gym. It clears your mind and helps you both mentally and physically.