After all the years of attending school, which feels like an eternity, I have definently learned a lot not just through the subjects i was being taught, but about myself and the others that surrounded me. To begin, I had to overcome several hardships and obstacles in order to exceed to where I am today, during my earlier years I always seemed to be struggling the most to stay on task. My senior year of highschool, from what I remember to be my worst year academically, I gave myself too many distractions, hung around with the wrong crowd, chose to work forty plus hours on a weekly basis and I also had poor attendance. I never failed a class in my life up until my final year of highschool. English class was my enemy and almost jeopardized me from graduating on time, which I was completely at fault for.
English was fourth period, 10:20-11:10 a.m, in a room with no windows basically a closet. From the first step I took into the class I never wanted to be in that room. My classmates would be involved in the lesson, there i was feeling clueless, not even part of the room, and just wishing the day was over. I usually failed to even submit a blank page for the assignments that were given to us as homework, so when the time came to work on larger task such as research papers and final essays, I was lacking all the skills and tools i needed to publish a solid piece of writing. Me being not prepared at all and behind the class, I finally decided to turn to my teacher for extra help. I began going to after school tutoring, that’s when it all changed. I always try to be independent, but after the first session it gave me a better understanding that i’m not alone throughout this journey and my teachers are there for me.
Going to tutoring has positively affected me during my senior year and it has carried over into my first semester at college. It was a new way of learning to me, the one on one lessons were very helpful to me at the time, i was able to connect with the teacher more than i did from just sitting in the room, found answers to any questions I had, and lastly it opened me up so that I can feel comfortable when asking for help.
Valon:
I really feel for you. You do a good job of making this feel awful. Now can you do a little more? You need to create SHOW me, not just tell me. Remember the scene of Malcolm X learning to read in the light of the hallway while the night guards were on watch. You need to insert a few well-chosen scenes to make this piece of writing come alive. Reach back into your memory to find the best scenes that could take your reader there to that time you found going to tutoring saved you. Create THEATER of the MIND for your reader. Make your writing interesting and exciting.
Work on:
I offer some suggestions inserted here in your piece. SO —
After all the years of attending school, which feels like an eternity, I have definently learned a lot not just through the subjects i was being taught, but about myself and the others that surrounded me. To begin, I had to overcome several hardships and obstacles in order to exceed to where I am today, during my earlier years I always seemed to be struggling the most to stay on task. My senior year of highschool, from what I remember to be my worst year academically, I gave myself too many distractions, hung around with the wrong crowd, chose to work forty plus hours on a weekly basis and I also had poor attendance.
I never failed a class in my life up until my final year of highschool. English class was my enemy and almost jeopardized me from graduating on time, which I was completely at fault for.
English was fourth period, 10:20-11:10 a.m, in a room with no windows basically a closet. From the first step I took into the class I never wanted to be in that room. My classmates would be involved in the lesson. [I see you are creating a scene here – good now –THINK 5W’s and add some details — What was writing lesson that day? Can you reach back into your memory for the best scene of day in English and WHAT was the topic? Describe the sound of the pen to paper of the other students. HOW did you blank out. ] there i was feeling clueless, not even part of the room, and just wishing the day was over. I usually failed to even submit a blank page for the assignments that were given to us as homework, so when the time came to work on larger task such as research papers and final essays, I was lacking all the skills and tools i needed to publish a solid piece of writing. [Good way to say you were un-prepared!]
[new par] Me being not prepared at all and behind the class, I finally decided to turn to my teacher for extra help. I began going to after school tutoring, that’s when it all changed. [SHOW me a moment in the tutoring session when it all clicked foryou, a memory of when you made some progress in your writing skills, or you had a sudden realization that you could write an assignment. SHOW me that tutoring worked for you. Describe a tutoring sessions. Perhaps SHOW me your teacher offering one on one help.] I always try to be independent, but after the first session it gave me a better understanding that i’m not alone throughout this journey and my teachers are there for me.
Going to tutoring has positively affected me during my senior year and it has carried over into my first semester at college. It was a new way of learning to me, the one on one lessons were very helpful to me at the time [SHOW me a good one-on-one session], i was able to connect with the teacher more than i did from just sitting in the room, found answers to any questions I had, and lastly it opened me up so that I can feel comfortable when asking for help.