Through the course of my senior year before covid I’ve experienced a rough educational journey, other than prioritizing passing grades with my classes and due to passing only 4 out of 5 regents my struggles of passing my global regents exam was horrible, failure after failure, failing by one point(64) was the most miserable moment of my educational life. Thankfully my High school varsity coach and my U.S history teacher (Mr John) 2 of my very most important mentors was willing to help me succeed on my last attempt to passing my global regents exam.
Due to PSAL basketball varsity rules regents wasn’t an issue, so I was fortunate enough to participate in my last season of varsity basketball. With Tutoring after classes, textbooks and also additional help in between school, practice time and home my teachers saved me from failing, preventing me from being left behind. If it wasn’t for the rules being established by PSAL and also by my mentors I wouldn’t be where I’m at today as a responsible adult, All the methods and help my mentors gave me it helped me grow as an adult how to be more independent, to make sure I don’t leave anything last minute and to not play with my educational studies. Participating into tutoring classes was the best part about my educational history, it helped me bond with my mentors within school and also the real life world also. Later on during my educational journey by the ending of my senior year I’ve finally passed my global regents with a 85, I was very proud of myself and it helped me shaped myself into becoming a better scholar later down the road during my last year of high school. I thank my mentors for shaping me on whom I become because their support helped me become more mature, more resilient and helping me become responsible in any aspect in the real world.
Nice story.
Andre,
You have identified a difficult challenge in your high school life. You must have made real growth as a student by raising your Global Regents score to 85! But, as a piece of writing, what you have here isn’t much of a story. Do you notice that you are mostly TELLING me? Instead you need to SHOW me with a few well-chosen scenes with dialogue and vivid description and turn it into more of a story – a story with a beginning middle and end. Can you make it interesting story? So how will you begin? You need an introduction that hooks you reader in. Reach back into your memory to find key moments in this uphill battle to pass this Regents Exam. Then you need to develop a few well-chosen scenes with dialogue and description. THINK of how Malcolm X described the scene of reading by the glow of the hallway lights during the night guard’s watch. He made his story come alive by describing key scenes. What are the key scenes in your story of an uphill battle to pass the Globals and your senior year?
YOU NEED a better way to start.
[cut this –Through the course of my senior year before covid I’ve experienced a rough educational journey, other than prioritizing passing grades with my classes and due to passing only 4 out of 5 regents — cut]
Start with —
In [WHEN? – What month? TImelinee needed!] my senior year at NAME High School, I found myself passing only four out of five regents exams. [M]y struggles of passing my global regents exam was horrible, failure after failure (UNCLEAR – did you take the Global mor ethan once and fail more than once?] failing by one point (64) was the most miserable moment of my educational life.
Thankfully my High school varsity coach and my U.S history teacher (Mr John) 2 of my very most important mentors was willing to help me succeed on my last attempt to passing my global regents exam.
Due to PSAL basketball varsity rules regents wasn’t an issue [huh? clarity needed] so I was fortunate enough to participate in my last season of varsity basketball. With Tutoring after classes, textbooks and additional help in between school [can you reach back into your memory for a scene of going to tutoring or getting extra help], practice time and home my teachers saved me from failing, preventing me from being left behind. If it wasn’t for the rules being established by PSAL and also by my mentors I wouldn’t be where I’m at today as a responsible adult, All the methods and help my mentors gave me [Describe one of these “methods” to show how you started studying or seeing Global History and the REgetns exam differently. WHAT did Coach NAME and Mr. John do to help you?] it helped me grow as an adult how to be more independent, to make sure I don’t leave anything last minute and to not play with my educational studies. [Notice that you are only TELLING ME; instead you need to SHOW me]. Participating into tutoring classes was the best part about my educational history [SHOW me a tutoring session], it helped me bond with my mentors within school and also the real life world also. Later on during my educational journey by the ending of my senior year I’ve finally passed my global regents with a 85, I was very proud of myself and it helped me shaped myself into becoming a better scholar later down the road during my last year of high school. I thank my mentors for shaping me on whom I become because their support helped me become more mature, more resilient and helping me become responsible in any aspect in the real world.
Yea PSAL people be on your back but its good though