Author: Leonardo Perez

Opener: “If the actual work does not require math, why should we learn about it?”

-Although he did not specifically states what”actual work” means and shown grammatical errors, I like how float a question to make us think about it.

Thesis statement included three sub-topics: “Therefore, for our purpose, let us study how math is crucial for medicine, let us attempt to correlate mathematical statistics to life and lastly let us examine how mathematical theories has aided advanced our technology. “

-This thesis statement does not states it’s purpose but fulfilled to included all three sub-topics.

Paragraph for subtopics and sub-subtopics: His paragraphs explored plausible reason why math is essential.

Transitional Phrases: He need to developed various high vocabulary phrases.

Reference to quotes: These quotes are relevant to his topic and it has citations but he forget to add MLA format (Name of the author, page number).

Grammatical/Convention: He need to work on his vocabulary and structure of the essay.

Conclusion: It is pretty excellent so far.