Buried the seed that will grown steadily

“I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmare because of my dreams. (Jonas Salk)” was the quote that I recalled ,reading it I saw online a while back. It was a reminder that no matter how I tried to ignore the issues, it will come to haunts me eventually. Communication is a living nightmare I struggle almost all of the time in my daily routine. Well, if you were to communicate to me, I will jolt up from anxiety poking inside of my head. “What if I made the wrong move, what will your reaction will be?” “What should I say?” In the end, my point never come across in a conservation due to awkwardness of my articulations. The reason why you may asked? Surrounding myself by the silhouettes that I keep buried in deepest parts of mind follows me everywhere I go, is a implementation of my speech impairment.

The anxiety of socializing with someone creeps out ever often now and then. The fear of making a mistake with my explanation overwhelmed me greatly to the point where I tried to avoided making contact most of the time in childhood. That and the awkward silence that itching for someone to ignite a spark. Honestly, this person is not me. In fact, main purpose of this conservation , looking through flaws and not what makes them unique.

However, it began to get worse when I reached in high school where I suppose to make expression of myself. My English teacher would form a group to discussed for an assignment. You may be think talking to someone is not atrocious but to interact with other people is difficult. Frankly, I wished that I could to curl up into a ball and stay in the shadows than tripped my articulation but I also wanted to procured a good grade on this assignment.I finched from shock when I get put on the spot by one of my classmates.  My eyes finched left and right, looking for a way to escaped this nightmare. Afterward, I looked down on my paper that I wrote endless and endless amount work I put into it when my classmate stared at me with intensity. It feels suffocating. Adrenaline rushes in your veins, waiting to explode quietly without anyone noticing. So, I began to stuttered my pronunciations one by one while reading my paper. In the end, my teacher decided to stop the torment by moving onto a different subject.

Strangely enough, I don’t have this problem when I speak to the closest people I had in my life such as my family and friend in my comfort zone. My friend, Michelle who lives right across my home I used to lived when I was younger, discussed the topics that I was most interested in. Games! We were engrossed in the conservation that I do not jumbled my words often. In fact, i was able to make eye to eye contact with him because i was comfortable talking to someone I know for a long time.

Surrounding myself by the silhouettes that I keep buried in deepest parts of mind follows me everywhere I go, is a implementation of my speech impairment. Looking back on the message of the quote, I realized overcoming my struggles is significantly less frightening than ignoring it which in frank, it is much harder to do. Waiting for something to fly out to you is impossible unless you put an effort to make it happen.