Buried the Seed that Will Grow Steadily

“I have had dreams and I have had nightmares. I overcame the nightmare because of my dreams.” as stated by Jonas Salk. When I read this quote, it was a reminder that no matter how I tried to ignore certain issues, they will come to haunt me eventually. Communication is a living nightmare I struggle with almost all of the time in my daily routine. What is the reason why you may asked? The silhouettes that I keep buried in deepest parts of mind such as anxiety, circumstances, and coming out of my comfort zone surrounded and follow me everywhere I go, which is the cause of my speech impairment.

My anxiety creeps out ever often now and then when I tried to communicate with other people. The fear of making a mistake with my explanations overwhelmed me to the point that I tried to avoided making contact most of the time in childhood. That and the awkward silence that itching for someone to ignite a spark. If you were to communicate to me, I would feel a jolt up from anxiety poking inside of my head. “I wonder if I make the wrong move. What will your reaction will be?” What I say is another question that haunts me. In the end, my point never comes across in conservation due to the awkwardness of my articulations.

I rarely jumbled my articulation due to the fact people spontaneously don’t put me on the spot. However, it began to get worse when I reached in high school where I was suppose to make express myself. My English teacher would form a group to discuss an assignment. You may be thinking that talking to someone is not atrocious, but to interact with other people is difficult. Frankly, I wished that I could to curl up into a ball and stay in the shadows rather than trip over my articulation, but I also wanted to procure a good grade on the assignment.I flinched from shock when I get put on the spot by one of my classmates. My eyes finched left and right, looking for a way to escaped this nightmare. Afterward, I looked down on my paper that I wrote endless and endless amount work I put into it when my classmate stared at me with intensity. It feels suffocating. Adrenaline rushes in my veins, waiting to explode quietly without anyone noticing. So, I began to stuttered my pronunciations one by one while reading my paper. In the end, my teacher decided to stop the torment by moving onto a different subject.

Coming out of my comfort zone is like finding a pin in a haystack. Strangely enough, I don’t have this problem when I speak to the closest people I had in my life such as my family and friend in my comfort zone. My friend, Michelle who lives right across my home I used to lived when I was younger, discussed the topics that I was most interested in. Games! We were engrossed in the conservation that I do not jumbled my words often. In fact, i was able to make eye to eye contact with him because i was comfortable talking to someone I know for a long time.

The silhouettes that I keep buried in deepest parts of mind such as anxiety, circumstances, and coming out of my comfort zone surrounded and follow me everywhere I go, which is the cause of my speech impairment. Looking back on the message of the quote, I realized overcoming my struggles is significantly less frightening than ignoring it and frankly, it is much harder to do. Inclusively, instead of ignoring your problems, try to embraced it as second nature whereas it becomes a part of you eventually. If it weren’t for conquering my fears, then I wouldn’t become the person who I am today. Waiting for something to fly out to you is impossible unless you put an effort to make it happen.