Peer- reviewing : Yongwei Lu

Opener : You need to pull out a quote from another author than the one from the poem and link those two together. Otherwise, it does not grab audience’s attentions.

Thesis statement: Again, You need to involved the three sub-topic to be relevant to your essay. On the contrary, we will know what you are introducing to your essay.

Three subtopics: The three subtopic were vague and non fluent due to the fact your sentences are too wordly to ingest the details. I prefer you could use the quote to break it down for two or three sentences then have your intake on how does it advocate or contradict on it’s purpose other than using your experiences.

Transitional Phrases: You need to add more transitional phrases onto your essay to add fluently. I suggest playing around with those phrase to help you on your writing skills

Grammar: It is self-explanatory that you need more work on your grammar.

Conclusion/ thesis statement: You haven’t restate your thesis statement and no word to describe how you are able to make excellent conclusion statement,