Re- read

My plan of “attack” to better understand the declaration of independence is to look up words I do not understand. I will also use my clues around the word to try and understand it. What I mean by understand to comprehend what the sentences are saying.

After using my plan of “attack” It actually helped me understand better what I was reading even though it was a couple of words that made a huge difference. I understood the reasons why the founding fathers were pleading for freedom. They wrote how the king was inhuman and unfair. They felt they were not treated fairly. How the government was corrupted  and did not take encounter of what was their property. I also noticed how the patriots said they would take all responsibility for declaring independence. This includes all the citizens and all the states. This was a very brave move. One thing I don’t understand is why Jefferson’s paragraph about slavery was crossed out when it also has to do with violating  inalienable rights. The right to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness was definitely taken away from “slaves”.  As I read I also took notice on how it looked like they did try to cooperate with the kings laws and make it better. The king did not consider changing laws for the better they stated in this text. I also understood the homes of the patriots were invaded because in the text it spoke about the king in forcing invasion on the homes of the people. Looking up these words helped me understand the more detailed stuff better. It helped me view their side and where they were coming from. Compared to the first time I knew there were reasons but I did not quite understand them and now I do.

Difficulty Paper

The Declaration Of Independence was a letter written to the king of Britain pleading independence, signed by 56 men  including Thomas Jefferson. As I read the draft of this letter the main thing I noticed was the words, paragraphs and sentences crossed out. Although they were crossed out it showed their true emotions and how they felt towards what they were pleading about. For example, “He has waged cruel war against human nature itself, violating its most sacred rights of life and liberty in the persons of a distant people who never offended him, captivating and carrying them into slavery in another hemisphere or to incur miserable death in their transportation thither. This piratical warfare, the opprobrium of INFIDEL powers, is the warfare of the CHRISTIAN king of Great Britain. Determined to keep open a market where MEN should be bought and sold, he has prostituted his negative for suppressing every legislative attempt to prohibit or to restrain this execrable commerce. And that this assemblage of horrors might want no fact of distinguished die,[4] he is now exciting those very people to rise in arms among us, and to purchase that liberty of which he has deprived them, by murdering the people on whom he also obtruded them: thus paying off former crimes committed against the LIBERTIES of one people, with crimes which he urges them to commit against the LIVES of another.” This paragraph was crossed out in the draft it kept rambling about what the king was doing giving specific examples on what he was doing and how it was wrong. As you can see the emotion put into this writing saying how they truly felt about the kings action and not just an overview of the problem. My opinion of this whole draft is that they let emotion  take over and let their thoughts just flow as they wrote this. Which is how writing a draft works. Therefore this showed me how strongly they felt while writing The Declaration. These people put their all into the country we are in that is free thanks to them. It is sad that we barley acknowledge them like they acknowledged us when risking it all including their lives to make this country free and FAIR. After reading this it made me want to believe in something as much as they did. It made me want to change or do something in my society even at home no matter what it is. I want it to be something I believe in just like in The Declaration Of Independence.

Fixing

On my paper I did not specify the audience. I need to go over my writing and find not only the audience but the topic and why the reader is reading my story. I will remove sentences and apply more scenes to back up my topic. Also I will work on my transition to make it easier for the reader to know the audience I’m seeking. I did not specify if I was talking to teachers students or both which throws off my whole writing. Transitioning my writing will also help. the reader catch up to what I’m saying going in steps. Instead of me jumping from one thing to another.My plans for all of this is to start over with the goal and audience and applying all these things I said like transition and etc.The other option I had in mind was to take the old version and just add on sort of editing it instead of writing it over. I have a feeling writing it all over would be better because can focus on what I want to perfect on. This means I will automatically remove irrelevant things in my writing. I will also take count on the readings we have read in class to help with my writing. The readings will help me reflect so I can improve what I have. Basically I will start over from scratch with the same side and a solid topic to better my paper. I will also ask my peers to read it for more support.

250 BLOG POST

When reading all three stories I couldn’t find what made them alike other than experience with education. Although, the second time I read. I paid close attention. As I read I noticed how all three of the writers took initiative and responsibility for their own education no matter the circumstances and what they went through or were going through. in Shania’s writing she said ” I had to switch up quick and take advantage of the opportunities in front of me” . This shows how she understood the fact that she needed to take action to better herself to do better. She took initiative because she understood she needed to change. Then in Rexhep’s reading he stated “I am responsible to show up to my classes and pass these classes” . He is taking initiative because he saw how he is responsible for his own things. Despite his surroundings he knew it was up to him to do better. Now for my reading I claimed ” no one cares about your education more than you”. Meaning you need to take initiative for your own education. This was me realizing I needed to do that no matter the environment I was in. Overall, the problem we all  had in common was lack in education . there was a lot of inconveniences  in our way for education but despite all that we took initiative to do better for ourselves. No matter the issue whether it was the struggle school put us in it’s self or choice’s we made that didn’t help at all.

final draft

Elayne Susana matos

Prof. Hall

English 1101

9/12/2019

After transferring schools Clinton was NOT  your regular high school at all, I don’t care how much you can relate or compare to your high school. This school was just on some other shit. On my first day of school… let me tell you. That is when I realized this school was not shit. Why right when I walk in through the doors the security guards by the scanners looking at me like I’m their next predictor. Looking like hungry ass lions in the wild. Honestly this is a school. They swore they were working at a prison word to my mother. You got security guards patting you down and passing the hand wand all around you. I’m just thinking in my head “What the fuck do these kids bring to school? Like am I bugging or?” .

     Anyways after the trauma with the security guards..oh that was nothing compared to what I saw. I literally could not tell the difference like was I at school or on Fordham road right now ? These guys posted up on the wall, hollering at girls and playing dice (sort of like gambling) in the corners. I just kept walking straight trying to ignore all this nonsense especially these ugly kids trying to holla  at me. I saw a friend I made on Facebook that went to this school down the hallway. I was so relieved because I did not even have a schedule in my hand therefore I had no clue where my classes were. She was so cute with her dirty blonde curly hair and her Nike outfit from head to toe. She approached me all happy and excited. She laughs at me and says “are you okay you look lost hahahah” which I was honestly. “Yes, I am I need to find an office or something  because I do not even have my schedule bro” I responded stressed. She directed me to an office where I waited a whole hour. Walking with her felt like I was a child at a carnaval who had lost their mother. At every corner she greeted someone and every time I blinked she was on to the next. It was so stressful figuring out where she went and all these people looking at me.

      Once I walked in there was a huge line with students with complaints about their schedules and all that nonsense. When the counselor finally got to me she kept going on how I was not on the system yet and a bunch of excuses on why I didn’t have a schedule set up yet. She looked weird to me. She had pointy reading glasses and looked like the suit maker from the incredibles. Honestly I did not care I just wanted this to be over with. She made my schedule right then and there. I mean you could say I was lucky because I got to pick which classes I wanted which is rare in high school.While she was putting my schedule together breaks were taken in-between with a lot conversation about nothing work related very unprofessional.

     After leaving that office at 12pm I headed to my 5th period class where only 10-7 students were present. Mind you the attendance had about 30 students who were supposed to be there. Now this was the most shocking I see this spacious room with no students. The teacher rushing around the room with her blond curly hair going on about some nonsense. A couple of students on the smart board watching a football game and the rest well talking. I sat down and just stared at everything going on. She exclaimed out of nowhere saying “please take out a pen and paper and look productive thank you”. So is she not planning on teaching a lesson? Anything? I realized how going to class in this school was rare I just couldn’t understand why would that even be rare. I came from a school where if you came late you had detention or if You didn’t wear uniform you got sent home and where you rarely saw one person in the hallways. Also you would have to pay a dollar Friday’s to Not wear uniform but that is another story.

        Coming to Dewitt clinton high school impacted the way I viewed education and school because first and foremost no one seemed to care about their education. The staff and teachers didn’t care about giving it to the students either. This school showed me how a school is an effort everyone part takes in not only the teachers. A teacher can not teach a class if the students do not show up. This also showed me how some educational campuses are corrupted and most importantly none cares about your education more than you. What you put in is what you get out of it. This school that I am describing to you is where a lot of famous people graduated from including Stan lee. A school with money and many opportunities of programs and everything you can name provided and these kids did not take advantage. Education and school has to be something you want and are willing to work for it will not be handed to you all the time. Sometimes you have to work for it. That was a big lesson I learned there. It also impacted me to learn on my own and to not rely on my teachers for everything, to take responsibility for my own education.

 

Clinton was NOT your regular high school at all I don’t care how much you can relate or compare to your high school. This school was just on some other shit. On my first day of school… let me tell you. That is when I realized this school was not shit. Why right when I walk in through the doors the security guards by the scanners looking at me like I’m their next predictor. Looking like hungry ass lions in the wild. Honestly this is a school. They swore they was working at a prison word to my mother. You got security guards patting you down and passing the hand wand all around you. I’m just thinking in my head “What the fuck do these kids bring to school? Like am I bugging or?” . Anyways after the trauma with the security guards..oh that was nothing compared to what I saw. I literally could not tell the difference like was I at school or in Fordham road right now ? These guys posted up on the wall, hollering at girls and playing dice (sort of like gambling) in the coners. I just kept walking straight trying to ignore all this nonsense specially these ugly kids trying to holla  at me. I saw a friend I made on Facebook that went to this school down the hallway. I was so relieved because I did not even have a schedule in my hand  therefore I had no clue where my clases were. She was so cute with her dirty blonde curly hair and her Nike outfit from head to toe. She approached me all happy and excited. She laughs at me and says “are you okay you look lost hahahah” which I was honestly. “Yes I am I need to find an office or something  because I do not even have my schedule bro” I responded stressed. She directed me to an office where I waited a whole hour. Walking with her felt like I was a child at a carnaval who had lost their mother. At every coner she greeted someone and every time I blinked she was on to the next. It was so stressful figuring out where she went and all these people looking at me. Once I walked in there was a huge line with students with complaints about their schedules and all that nonesense.when the counselor finally got to me she kept going on how I was not on the system yet and a bunch of excuses on to why I didn’t have a schedule set up yet. She looked weird to me she had pointy reading glasses and looked like the suit maker from the incredibles. Honestly I did not care I just wanted this to be over with. After leaving that office at 12pm I headed to my 5th period class where only 10-7 students were present. Mind you the attendance had about 30 students who were supposed to be there. Now this was the most shocking I see this spacious room with no students. The teacher rushing around the room with her blond curly hair going on about some nonsense. A couple of students on the smart board watching a football game and the rest well talking. I sat down and just stared at everything going on. She exclaimed out of nowhere saying “please take out a pen and paper and look productive thank you”. So is she not planning on teaching a lesson? Anything? I realized how going to class in this school was rare I just couldn’t understand why would that even be rare. I came from a school where if you came late you had detention or if You didn’t wear uniform you got sent home and where u rarely saw one person in the hallways. Also you would have to pay a dollar Friday’s to Not wear uniform but that is another story. Coming to Dewitt clinton high school impacted the way I viewed education and school because first and foremost no one seemed to care about their education. The staff and teachers didn’t care about giving it to the students either. This school showed me how a school is a effort everyone part takes in not only the teachers. A teacher can not teach a class if the students do not show up. This also showed me how some educational campuses are corrupted and most importantly none cares about your education more than you. What you put in is what you get out of it. This school that I am describing to you is where a lot of famous people graduated from including Stan lee. A school with money and many opportunities of programs and everything you can name provided and these kids did not take advantage. Education and school has to be something you want and are willing to work for it will not be handed to you all the time. Sometimes you have to work for it. That was a big lesson I learned there. It also impacted me to learn on my own and to not rely on my teachers for everything, to take responsibility for my own education.