My name originates from the Zapotec, a Mexican civilization in Oaxaca, Mexico. My mother is from Oaxaca and she chose my name. It means â I love youâ which is kind of ironic because my parents were never really openly affectionate but I definitely am. At my core, I am an emotional and loving person but distance and detachment are comfortable because thatâs what I grew up with.Â
My parents are hard workers which unfortunately meant they were absent for a lot of my milestones. I knew autonomy from an early age. This meant I didnât get to absorb my Mexican heritage like I felt I shouldâve. My Spanish was never as good as I wanted it to be and my English wasnât great either. I still canât roll my Râs. I didnât really know anything about where my parents came from until I was around 10. Visiting Mexico for the first time was overwhelming because it was foreign. What I didnât realize until much later is that there was a part of me hidden away there, waiting to be discovered.Â
Like Mohamed Hassan and Hanif Abdurraqib, I also have a name tied to a culture and in a world that values whiteness, I can be âotheredâ before you even look at me because of my name. Despite the human need to fit in, I love being âotheredâ. I long to be different, to stand out in the crowd, to defy expectations. So even if I am not connected to the history behind my name like Hassan and Abdurraqib are, it is still fitting. My family and background has taught me that it’s okay to be different. As individuals we all have different experiences and different realities so comparing ourselves to one another doesnât make sense and just leads to sadness and self doubt. To be different one has to be truly and unapologetically oneself. Iâm still working on it, of course, but itâs nice to be on the journey of acceptance.
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