I told my mom it was embarrassing how my therapist had to lecture her on how to be a parent. My mom was trying to talk over her but my therapist wouldn’t let her since I pointed out that my mom would constantly mock me when I’m having a mental breakdown. My mom and I have our moments, everyone does. I would constantly hear the “it’s not depression get over yourself” or the “I’ll send you to a mental hospital if you don’t get yourself together”. Now the question is, why do Hispanic/Latinx families not prioritize mental health? 

 

It’s exhausting having to prove to our Hispanic/Latinx families that those who are mentally ill need help. Let’s take depression as an example, they think that depression is just nothing but “laziness” and ignoring it since you can’t see the depression in others until there is physical proof, self harm. But again, there are different types of self harm as well, which are also hard to see. They will then call you crazy for it, or if you have anxiety then they’ll call you dramatic. Mental health problems can be hard to identify because Hispanic/Latinx will look for physical symptoms. “Look nice today, I don’t want to be seen with you if you’re going to look dead and sad” 

 

I’ve interviewed my friend, Yadiel, who’s Puerto Rican. I asked him what his relationship was like between him and his family. He only mentioned his grandparents who he’s currently living with, dad who has hurt him in the past, and his aunt who he connects really well but rarely sees. 

“Well my grandparents, it’s just an on and off type of thing. I barely talk to them, actually, it’s hard to talk to them. They want to take the role of being my parents but they don’t understand it. Especially my grandma. It’s always an argument once we start talking. I don’t know, it’s weird. They try to care but they’re not very understanding but it happens. My relationship with my dad is also an on and off thing. He sometimes shows that he cares about my well being. He says that it’s hard to express his emotions but made up for it through his actions. He’s more understanding about my well being than my grandparents. I know I trash talk about him because of what he did to me but he’s still my dad. I forgot to mention this but one thing I hate is when my grandma compares me to my dad. It just always makes me feel disgusted with myself. But yeah he was the person I trusted the most. As for my aunt, we see each other once a month, or maybe twice at most. She cares about me more than anyone else in my family. She treats me like I’m her kid. Did you know that she even tried to get to know more about my personal life? She acts like a mom to me. I enjoy her company. She’s a very understanding person and never made me feel uncomfortable with myself.” 

 

I was interested in what his grandparents had thought about mental health being an issue, considering they don’t talk much. Has it ever occurred to you what your grandparents think about this? His response was, “I have had many talks about depression with them, well my grandma, since my grandpa is almost never here. But I had the chance to ask them both and they think it’s a sickness. My grandpa was the one who said that people who are depressed are just sick. I don’t remember or if this answers your question but the day I had a fight with my grandma, I had a bad day to begin with. So after that argument  happened, I went to my room but my grandpa came up to my room to yell at me and to tell me to wash the car. I did it of course but I had that ‘don’t talk to me’ face. They didn’t ask me what’s wrong or anything. So in short, they don’t really care about it. As I said, I don’t talk to them much” 

Do you think mental health is a taboo topic in our community? Yadiel answered with, “In our community, yes. No doubt about it. It’s like when you express how you feel to your family, they will most likely belittle you, so then why speak to others about it ,you know? I don’t get why mental health problems are ignored. I feel it just has to do with the ages but then I know some Hispanics who just aren’t like that, like my aunt. I don’t know, our people are so weird about it that it’s scary. Also why bring god into it. It’s not like he’s going to help or anything.” Just talking about your emotions can trigger your family which is idiotic. Women showing emotion get called dramatic and she’s overreacting. Men showing emotion are called weak and should man up. There’s a term, machismo, that’s used within the Hispanic/Latinx community which means exaggerated sense of manliness. It’s toxic enough where it can ruin Hispanic men’s self esteem. Do parents ever stop to think, the things that they do or say can ruin their relationship with their kids, or anyone in the family really? 

 

Mental Health America states, “There is a perception in Latinx/Hispanic communities, especially among older people, that discussing problems with mental health can create embarrassment and shame for the family, resulting in fewer people seeking treatment.”(). It’s really harsh but sadly the majority of older people turn cold when it’s about mental health issues. They grew up in an entirely different time where they just had to suck it up and keep on going with their lives. Otherwise they’ll get treated exactly how they’re treating us right now. Or at least that’s what my mom has told me before.

 

Don’t let your family stop you from being embarrassed seeking help when you need it. I had to fight with my mom just to get me the help that I needed. Breaking the stigma in mental health to prevent any more harm to our community would help our community and not pass it down.

References: 

Mental Health America 

https://www.mhanational.org/issues/latinxhispanic-communities-and-mental-health