Category: REVISION TWO

Revision Two

I plan on revising my unit three essay because I like the meaning of “change” and I feel I could go deeper into the topic. I want to change my unit three essay into something I have never done before so I would be transitioning into a news article that informs and shows change that kids can make to help the world. I’m trying to reach out to my generation (ages 18-25)  in which we could all help in any way or form. I want my readers to see ways they could give back to their communities that wouldn’t take much of their time and wouldn’t cost much. At the end of my revision I want my audience to feel the sense of change I felt when I saw God’s Plan by Drake. God’s Plan helped me develop and grow my understanding that there’s so much more to life than fancy cars, clothes, and jewelry.

I will revise the revision one paper “Guide to Success in School”. I intend to change the work from an academic essay to a brochure, for City Tech. The brochure will focus on being an academically successful student in City Tech and include information on the resources available to aid students: tutoring, assistance for students with learning disabilities and information on disability testing, financial aid services, child care, and various workshops available for practical skills outside of school (writing of resumes and cover letter, civil service information). The audience would be high school students that may attend City Tech. The “so what” would be letting the audience know all the resources available to help get through college successfully.

 

In my second revision paper, I am planning to revise my Unit 2 essay- Portrait of a Word. The reason I chose this paper is because I feel that if I change the medium, say to a poem, or even a piece of art, I feel I can give my paper new meaning. The point I would be trying to make in this new revision paper is that yes, technically I may not be Boricua, at least officially. But that doesn’t take away from the fact that I’m still Puerto Rican, and still doesn’t change where I came from, or where my parents and ancestors came from. Like I said, I am planning to revise this paper and re-do it, possibly in the form of a poem. I think a poem can speak “deeper”, compared to your typical paper. Your wording is much more fluid in a way.

The proposal I have is revising the Vincent Van Gogh essay “The starry night and its tortured soul”. I will be doing six of his paintings and giving them a 100 word poem each. I will be trying to reach the audience of adults in a night cafe for poetry readings where I can be sponsored in the brochure as a poetry reader expressing the emotions I feel when I see these paintings. The paintings I have chosen are The Starry Night, At Eternity’s Gate, Autumn’s Landscape with Four Trees, The Pink Peach Tree, Cafe Terrace at Night, and Vase with Five Sunflowers. Each poem will have a different emotion, tone, feeling, and theme, based upon the painting they are referring. Viewing the paintings through another form of art being poetry is something I have always wanted to combine. I feel as though it will be bringing the art to a new light of life.

I plan on revising my “Portrait of a Word” essay titled “Bacchanal”. My new topic that I plan on revising this with is the importance of basic education for young children. I want my essay to reach both students and parents. I watch a YouTube channel pretty frequently called “What Yuh Know?” where their motto is education through entertainment. All of the videos are shot around Trinidad. The host asks people young and old basic questions and if they get all of them right, they get a cash prize. I noticed that throughout these videos when the older generations are asked these basic questions, they don’t know the answer due to a lack of childhood education, but when they are asked about “bacchanal” or in other words about carnival and soca music they know the answer right away. On the other hand, the children that are asked questions get them right immediately because of their basic educations. I would like to analyze some of these videos and give them as examples to reinforce my claim which is, even the most basic education is important and comes with reward and opportunities.

1. Read “Revision Two” under “REVISION ASSIGNMENTS” above. I’ve updated it, to clarify. Make sure you understand the assignment, and if you don’t, be ready to ask questions about it on Tuesday!  I’ve listed some genres there, but you could also come up with genres of your own to work in– don’t feel confined to that list. Just remember, you need both words (spoken words count, if recorded) and images.
2. Write and post a proposal of approx 150 words for what you inted to do for Revision Two. IF YOU DO NOT DO THIS, YOU RUN THE RISK OF DOING A REVISION THAT DOES NOT FULFILL THE ASSIGNMENT!  This proposal should tell me:
   1. Which paper you plan to revise
   2. What you are planning to do (what is the NEW GENRE you are planning on working in? remember, this must be a big change!) 
   3. Who is the audience you are hoping to reach
   4. What is the “So What?” of your revision– that is, what do you want your readers to know, feel or think about by the end of reading your paper/ watching your video essay/ listening to the song you wrote?

PLEASE BE SURE THAT YOU HAVE READ THE ASSIGNMENT BEFORE WRITING YOUR PROPOSAL!! It’s okay if you’re still not fully sure about all the answers to 1-4, but you should know most of them, and have some options for the ones you don’t know. this is due on the 16th, so we don’t have a ton of time.  Category: REVISION TWO 

3. You have until Tuesday to perfect the citations on essay #3. Please see the handout on citation under “RESOURCES.” If most of the class still has issues with citation, we will have a quiz on citation. If most people fix theirs, we will be able to skip this quiz.