Giomara Castillo
December 8th, 2015
Class 1101-D323
Peer editing-Research paper
Opener:
“You can’t continue to have a higher education tuition grow at a multiple of the rate of inflation” A college degree and experience is essential to a living quality life. But there is a big problem in the way of people that may want to start or continue college and that’s college tuition.
-The quote needs to be cited.
Thesis with three subtopics:
The high cost of tuition has a big effect on college students. It can lead them to dropping out, taking out loans, and not being able to pay back those loans.
Topic sentences for each subtopic and 3 subtopics:
1.There are many issues that can occur from high tuition. Dropping out of college is
one the biggest outcomes from the high cost of tuition.
- He doesn’t have a topic sentence for subtopic 2.
3.Student debt is another result from high tuition. If the tuition is high, but the
person wants to get a degree nothing can stop that person from wanting to get it.
He needs three sub-subtopics for each subtopic and a topic sentence for subtopic #2
Transitional phrases:
He could use more transitional phrases.
Grammar;
His grammar is good, however, he could go over his essay and correct some words that are repeated twice.
Quotes and citation:
He needs more quotes to support his ideas and he needs to cite his evidence.
Conclusion:
In conclusion, his essay is good is 4 pages long as required, he needs to organize his work cited page and use proper MLA style also he needs to organize his paragraphs and clarify his subtopics and add three sub-subtopics to each subtopic.
