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Developmental Writing Express Summer 2019
The Split Self: Personal Identity On- and Off-line
Munair started off with a question and it gave the reader to have their own opinion about the N word, before they can begin reading the essay. Though he really did not have a clear thesis statement, Munair did have some good examples from Gloria’s Naylor work. Also liked that he mentioned some history to the essay, it would have been good if he continued to expand more on when he talked about the history, and some outside info. Maybe next time when he sites evidence that he mentions the work being analyzed as well as the author.
For Munair’s essay I like that he started out with a question at the beginning of the introduction. His use of quotes was done really well. He used a broad vocabulary. Now I would suggest that he use more outside information rather than just quotes from the passage. He should add Naylor’s thesis and state clearly what his thesis is. He didn’t include the title of the text. The capitals in the middle of the sentence kind of confused me. He should elaborate more on his explanations towards his examples.
Munair’s essay had a great start with that question, I personally think that he should focus on using more outside information rather than jus taking and using only information from the text. Also I think he should work on making his thesis clear, I was confused on what was his thesis, but overall he had a good essay. He used a lot of good vocabulary which I really l liked.