For Thu: Read and re-read the final exam article handed out in class. Look up any words you don’t know. Brainstorm things you might write in response to the article: questions about it, critiques of it, ideas and experiences you’ve had on topics relevant to it. At Thursday’s exam, you will be allowed to bring in the article and notes on it (but no full sentences of prose). You will then be given the essay prompts to choose from.
For Friday: Email me your revised Essay 1 and Essay 2–as well as Essay 3 (extra credit) if you’ve done one. ALSO, for your final blog assignment, post to the blog (under this post) a list of 3 things you revised in each essay (meaning 2 lists of three things you revised—one list for Essay 1, one list for Essay 2). Your lists can be in note form (not necessarily complete sentences) but should be very specific and clear as to the feedback (from me and classmates, etc.) that you have used and the significant changes you’ve made to each essay.
Essay 1 –
• grammar
• arrangement of story
• paragraph styling
Essay 2 –
• Grammar
• Arrangement
• shortening
Essay 1 –
• grammar
• personal story
• making the sentence clear.
Essay 2 –
• Comma splice
• Thesis statement to be clear
• explanation
For my essay 1 the main issue was capitalization. I revised and fixed that, also another thing I fixed in my essay 1 is I split my essay up in more paragraphs so it could flow a little better, also I used paragraph starters in my paragraphs that professor Monroe suggested I use. Also I fixed a couple things grammatically.
As for my essay 2 the main issue was my paraphrasing quotes and in text citations. I fixed both by summarizing quotes from articles I used online and adding in text citations. Another issue I fixed was instead of mentioning the article we read in class in the middle of my essay, I added it to the introduction of my essay. Another issue I fixed was my citations page. I placed my Citations on my citations page in MLA format. I also fixed a couple of grammatical errors.
Essay 1
-Personal experience with toxic players
-Grammar Fix
-Sentence structure
-Title
Essay 2
-Title
-Grammar
-Addition of a personal Experience
-Counter Argument and rebuttal against gun sale
Essay 1
– make sentences shorter by removing unnecessary details
– making more paragraphs instead of having one large paragraph
– knowing how to keep one topic in one paragraph
Essay 2
– comma slicing
– make counterclaim more clear
– including the name of the people in my sentences instead of using “him” “her”
Essay 1
1.Grammar
2.Essay structure
3.Naming characters and adding more detail
essay 2
1. More evidence
2.Adding personal connection
3.Make counterclaim better
For my first essay I fixed my grammar but more specifically the amount of commas that I used. I always used a lot of commas because I thought it was necessary but after I read it aloud with pauses on the commas it didn’t really make much sense. It’s still a habit but at least it was pointed out now. Also I tried keeping the authenticity and the “me,” factor in it. Like I tried to make it seem like I was telling a story in person to a friend, but sometimes the slang or terminology that I would use can go over people’s heads, so I toned it down a little bit. Finally I added more insight to the story by including freud’s theory of repression.
For my second essay my introduction was confusing to the readers, so I made a stronger hook and a clear thesis statement. I didn’t have a lot of different sources so my argument may have seen weak. So I found more evidence to prove my argument in my essay, and of course cited that evidence. Finally since I am a gamer myself I included my experience with violent video games and different forms of media.
Essay 1:
In my first essay, I fix the gummer and punctuation errors. Also, I add a new paragraph of how United States life is different than my home county life. How did I fit into the new environment?
Essay 2:
In my second essay, I fixed the gummer. I add a chart that shows how the global average temperature was taken from time to time which shows how the earth’s temperature was at a process of rapid change and which was causing an expansion in seawater, extreme weather and so on. Also, I did work cited as MLA format.
Essay 3:
In my third essay, I fixed the gummer and I added a story that shows how slang can be used in different places and how does it affect our society in a bad way.
Essay 1:
1. Grammar
2. Incorporating more of my story
3. Making some certain sentences clear.
Essay 2:
1. Grammar
2. Citation
3. Made a connection with the articles read in class.