10 thoughts on “Feedback for Dagianny”

  1. Really good essay. i was fascinated by the fact that you described both positive and negative aspects of social media. what was most intriguing about this essay was that” people care about their phone dying rather than if they have eaten today”.I agree with your statement.Overall a really well developed essay.


    I enjoyed your writing because you explore many topics, but at the same time You need to provide an example where social media has helped with Fundraising. I think you should add more  in body 2 the paragraph about  how  Social media is  positive to people. Great work though

  3. Dagianny, I loved how neutral you were in your essay and how you detailed your points perfectly. I think you should just add more points on why social media can be a positive network. Other than that, Great Job!

  4. Dagianny, I enjoyed your essay but I would include a little more about social media itself and how we use it. Social media is such a big thing that I would just pick a specific platform (like an app) and explain the pros and cons. This topic is very enjoyable for me, I like what you have written thus far.

  5. Gregory, reading your essay on whether video games makes people violent or not was very interesting. I’ve come across this particular subject numerous times but, you somehow added a twist to it, in which I  caught in your thesis statement. It was quite interesting because, you went right a head and blamed the parents. overall your essay was good because, you had an understandable thesis statement and a great amount of evidence to back up your claim. It would be nice though, if you added a little more to your intro, added a counter claim, revise your conclusion and last but not least, check for grammatical errors.

  6. Bringin gin both points of view of why video games may or may not be causing violence is great because its to further show in the essay which argument weighs more than the other. Great essay great claim.

  7. I enjoyed your essay, it was like you had a vast of details in your writing and it really made me engaged. I thought you could’ve been less neutral, and you could’ve added a stronger thesis. It would’ve made the reader know where you stand. Overall great essay, minor grammatical errors.

  8. There are some easy grammar fixes that you should look over for such as missing a capitalization and your comma placements (for example in your first paragraph: “Social media , like snap text Instagram…” the comma isn’t supposed to be spaced from the first word in between the two words. to fix it, it would be “Social media, like snap text Instagram, kinda minor though). I like how your thesis contains your points/arguments though. I think you should focus on one side of the argument though, so either stick to the positives or the negatives. But you already have both sides written out so whichever you choose, maybe you can just refute it.

  9. This essay was well organized and included a lot of information including how the negative and positive aspects differentiate.I believe you could include how spending lots of time on the internet is bad for kids and how children meet strangers on the internet.This can also be looked at in the positive aspect as to how spending too much time on the internet can be bad for health

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