14 thoughts on “Feedback for Gregory”

  1. Gregory, your essay was very informative and an intriguing topic. clearly, you believe that video games have little to no affects towards someones actions. I respect and agree with your claim but since this is an argumentative essay, introducing the other side of the argument is crucial.



    I enjoyed your writing because you mention how it is the the parents’ fault for letting their children play violent games , and how the media also play a big role when it come to violent.  i do agree there is bigger issue than violent video games.like how you mention when a school shooting happen politician  usually  blamed  video games. Don’t forget to talk about counter argument and cite where the evidence are coming from.

  3. Gregory, i agree with your essay.Video games has always been scapegoat.Nowadays people blame video games for a lot of bad things that goes on even if video games doesn’t have anything to do with those things.I also liked the fact that you said  other form of medias can also expose the younger generation into violence? Overall good essay and i agree with everything you state-ted on the essay.


  4. Your essay started off a bit confusing to me, some of the essay you used would’ve been better if you would’ve used it towards a counterclaim which should’ve been included. Find more supporting evidence for your claim other than that your essay flowed good, it was an interesting topic it had a lot of facts, was very informative and you choose a good use of vocabulary. You should also write down the sources from where you got your evidence in your paragraphs, put the evidence in quotes ( like your first evidence wasn’t in quotes)

  5. Your essay clearly explain that, video games don’t affect on someone action. On the other hand we can make argument the video game can make someone aggressive. So sense this a argument essay you have to show the other point of view. Also most importantly always try show your source list where you got the evidence form.

  6. Your essay really went into detail about how videos don’t affect people and how social media takes a turn on it. Maybe add how it positively affects people

  7. Loved your essay I feel like there was vocabulary in your essay that really kept us interested as readers. I think adding a really strong counterclaim would’ve got your essay really to pop. Also I think grammatically very few mistakes. I definitely agree that video do not affect people at all though great essay.

  8. Gregory I liked your essay and I also agree that video games do not make someone aggressive. You had good points and good vocabulary.  Something you can do to improve your essay is to add a counterclaim it will grab the readers attention more.

  9. The essay clearly explained how video games do not affect one level of violence, however the way the essay started off was a bit confusing and I didn’t quit get where you were going with it but other than that it was a really good essay

    I think your essay is very good. You were able to talk about different things and transition well on to other information. I think that maybe you should add more texts that are directly from the article. This will help your writing more.  

  11. I loved how you made it very clear that there is no solid evidence that violent video games cause any harmful actions by the younger audience who plays them.Things you might want to include is your own point of view as to how you react whenever you lose a game or get frustrated ,how does it make you feel and also a article we read in class.

  12. Gregory this for me was a subject that was really educational. I was surprised by how far back in time you went to bring out important details and even educated me on certain things I didn’t know before. Great start with the Intro. I’ll say giving a little more background on capital punishment and death penalty would be great. or the citation I would say eliminating them from the paragraphs will make it easier for the readers to follow.

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