Angelo Arana

10/11/2022

ENG 1121

 My Forgotten Screen

         While I believe each article I read was relatable in it’s own way to the average teenager, the two stories that to me resonated most to me would have to be Jenny Liao’s “Forgetting My First Language” and Esmeralda Santiago’s “When I was Puerto Rican”. Firstly, I’ll begin by explaining to me where I feel most at peace, my intellectual home. Next, I will explain how Jenny Liao and Santiago have similar, yet different life stories compared to mine. Lastly, how I myself can make my own intellectual home better in every direction.

         To begin with, I never truly had a home, to me home was my mother. Growing up I constantly moved around places since I was a military brat. I began being born in Okinawa Japan, then I moved to Texas at an early age and shortly after I was in Florida. Suddenly the next thing I knew I found myself living in New York City, the largest change I could ever be given, so moving constantly I never truly felt at home anywhere I went since it always felt like I’d end up moving soon. The only thing that would always be with me everywhere was my “Oka-san” (mother), my safe place and my happy place.

         When it relates to my intellectual home that would have to be my laptop. It’s a method really, firstly the time of day must be late night where the sun is asleep, and the moon is awake. Next, I need to have my laptop with me with an assignment due soon and I will get to work like the Flash. For some reason, once there is added on pressure, I feel like my work engines start running it’s fastest. Usually, most people can’t work well under pressure although, I on the other hand enjoy it as I am more motivated to finish. I need an extra push to be able to finish my studies and no one truly motivates me as much as time does. Although it may be dark outside while everyone is sleeping at peace, my world is still loud and stressed to finish every assignment I have due within the day. However, don’t get it twisted, although I may be feeling rushed, the peace of the day time gives me balance and my laptop feeling so smooth in my hands allows the perfect quality while also fast.

It was a difficult process to begin with learning how to speak English. I already had two languages in my head thinking at the same time so it caused many internal problems for me. Much like Esmeralda Santiago thick accent (1) “Seven Gray” I too spoke in broken English. My family members hadn’t spoke English yet so I had no one to practice with except my teachers and classmates. Thus I was given praise whenever I spoke English in front of my family like Santiago (2) “You can speak English!”. Much like Santiago I felt embarrassed often not knowing how to speak English fluently, “I was afraid that I was about to make a fool of myself” (2) especially when I knew people who would have difficulty understanding me. So I would continue to spend the rest of my years practicing English as best I could. As I spent all of Elementary and middle school gradually getting better at my English I began to notice major changes…

         I have a great deal of love for my Oka-san, although nowadays it is difficult to communicate with our native language since moving to America I started to forget my second language. Jenny Liao mentions (4) “First-language attritions” which is something I can greatly relate to. I first learned Spanish and then quickly after Japanese as I came from Spanish-Asian parents. Just as Liao, my family didn’t speak English, thus I always found myself speaking a different language around my family besides English. So as Jenny Liao mentioned growing up going through ESL, I too went through ESL until I learned English and was often translating for my family whenever it came to anything. Thus after learning English I began to forget my Japanese and I noticed this especially when I went back to Japan. Once I returned, people around me were trying to speak to me in Japanese, which is where I learned that I had completely forgotten my language, struggling just to reply to people. Filled with such embarrassment I had to try my best to remember language however I found it difficult as I had little practice given that I lived in America. Through this pressure I began practicing my Japanese much like how I learned English for the first time.

         Honestly when it comes to intellectual homes I could definitely work on my method. Preferably be able to get through having to just finish the work through the nighttime and be able to start in the morning daylight. To begin I have to learn how to work as good as I do under pressure then without pressure since there’s a difference as clear as day and night.