The student Example I have chosen to analyze was Adrian Corees’ essay about how words from a teacher he admired inspired him to apply himself in his school work and other aspects of his life. In his essay, Adrian does three things that I plan on incorporating into my essay. First, to note, when he introduces his teacher he makes a point to explain who she is, how she’s connected to him, and how he feels about her. That description made me feel more connected to the story as if that description further personified the teacher and made her more than just a name on the paper. so I will be trying to give a brief but meaningful and detailed description to those I mention in my essay similarly to how Adrian does so.
Second I like how he tells us exactly what he was doing to change/ how he was applying himself. because he added that description of what he did and how he did it, it felt like watching a montage play out in my head. I could see him studying and envision him applying himself in those aspects. Similarly, I will also be giving details and explaining how exactly I’d changed and what I did to do so.
Finally, I like how the beginning of the story contrasts with the end, you can see the changes happening throughout the story. in the sense that he starts by explaining how he never applied himself, and all these things he used to do as opposed to applying himself, and where that got him. And nearing the end you can see how he’s applying himself and how doing so is affecting him. he makes note of how he benefited from applying himself when he tells us all the things he learned and opportunities that opened up for him like getting offered a job. I will make my story flow similarly and be sure to show contrast in how I was before I started socializing and after to make the progress apparent in my reading.
