Saved – Davina

My Story is about my daughter, who saved me

I was 37 weeks and a day pregnant, when it was finally time to have my little girl. I was being induced since I was at high risk for preeclampsia. My boyfriend had drove us to the hospital. It was a beautiful sunny afternoon, in Charlotte, North Carolina. We were approaching mid-July, so the days were starting to get hotter. I had gotten out of the car and headed inside to check myself into the labor and delivery ward. I waited to go up to my room until my boyfriend came in with my hospital bag. A nurse came in and escorted us to our room. It was a spacious room; with everything you could possibly need to be comfortable. They even had a chair that pulls out into a bed for the soon-to-be-dad. Several nurses came in to let us know how the procedure was going to go, what options for medications I could take, and that if I needed anything all I had to do was press the red button on the remote and a nurse would come to me. I was super excited and nervous; I would finally get to meet my baby. I could say at the time that my boyfriend was my rock during the labor and delivery process. Since I was bedridden due to my blood pressure spiking every time, I stood up. He was my legs, anything I needed he would get. He was more attentive to everything the doctor was saying than me. He asked every question you could think of. I was glad I wasn’t doing this alone. I was put on magnesium for my blood pressure so the doctor warned me that my baby might not cry when she’s born and that she might be sleepy. I knew that since I was high risk that she would most likely end up in the NICU. Which was exactly what happened. She was born with an underdeveloped lung and was having trouble breathing on her own. So, I only got to hold her for a minute before they took her away, my boyfriend following. One of the nurses helped me get out of bed into a wheelchair and wheeled me to my next room, the postpartum room. It was smaller than the room I was in. It felt so empty compared to all the people that were in the previous room.

Noone tells how sad it is to not be able to hold or see your baby the first 24 hours that they are born. I was still bedridden until I finished my magnesium drip, so I couldn’t see my baby girl. All I wanted was to hold her and to truly see her face. It wasn’t until the next morning when I got that chance. My boyfriend wheeled me to the NICU, and I tried to remember the turns from my room to hers, but all the white walls made it hard. I passed by several NICU babies, some in cribs, some in closed incubators, my daughter was in an open incubator. She had tubes going in her mouth and she had a CPAP machine attached to her nose to help her breathe. She had a heart and oxygen monitor attached to her tiny foot. Her NICU nurse let me know that she was doing great and would probably be off the CPAP machine tomorrow. I was excited to hear that. My boyfriend had parked the wheelchair in front of my daughter’s incubator. The nurse was currently weighing my daughter. She was 5lbs and 7oz. She also had a lot of hair. After she finished, she showed me how to change her diaper and how to wrap her up in a swaddle. These were my first tasks as a mother. I was very nervous but attentive to everything the nurse was saying.  

“Would you like to hold her?” The nurse asked.

“Absolutely,” I said, nervously.

When she put my daughter into my arms, she felt so light. Like I was holding a baby doll. I knew at that moment that I would do anything for her. I never felt such a love for anyone as I did for her in that moment. I knew that I wanted to better myself for her, because of her. I want to show her that if Mommy can do it then so can she. She saved me from always thinking that I was never good enough. That I would never amount to anything in life, always taking the easy way out.  This was the biggest test that I would face in my life. I wanted to do my all to succeed in it.