On September 9th, 2022 junior year my friend and I were in the 2nd floor lunchroom at Edward R Murrow High school from this day my friend and I started going around the lunchroom asking people this or that questions like “Nicki or Cardi B ” or “Burger King or McDonald’s”. This is when I met a teacher named Ms.Archer well she wasn’t my teacher though she would just watch over the lunch room the time I had lunch which was D band known as 4th period to others she was my favorite teacher, But we would always have little tiny conversations about random things. Ms.Archer was a bit harsh on me and was really serious at times but she has a Kind soul and I loved her from the day we met. Every time I seen her around in the hallway or lunch room we’ve always talked as if we knew each other for years she treated me like I was older and more mature.Junior year was one of my hardest year because I never went to class, I did edibles almost every other day, and started being disrespectful to staff. Throughout all this Ms.archer noticed the little changes I have made and we both knew it wasn’t for a good reason. My school had little codes on our ID that meant something whenever you swiped if it was your birthday you would hear a birthday song, if you didn’t pay for a book or something it would say warning warning and if you did something bad it will make police sirens. Everyday as I swiped my Id it always made a police siren. One day I swiped my id and it made a police siren noise I was yelling into teachers classrooms with a few of my friends and they were complaining which made all the deans check the cameras and seen it was me. And I got lunch detention I never cared about lunch detention so it was a breeze, every time the deans seen me they knew I was always up to no good.
As I walked into the deans office that morning there I seen Ms. Archer standing there knew I messed up because every time I’m in the deans office she’s never there.As I looked her in her eyes I Immediately put my head down because I knew she was disappointed. As she watched me walk in she told me to sit down and I knew she had enough and it was time for a talk. She asked me what was wrong why I started acting out, I looked up and just felt a tear rolling down my right check because I truly didn’t know why so I just sat there in silence not knowing how to respond then I heard her say the words “I believe you, you can do good in school if you put your mind to it, you have so much potential don’t waste it.” after she said that she got up and left there I was sitting in a empty room with nothing but the thoughts in my head saying “what am i doing to yourself and why am I doing this”. The next week I started off fresh, I started going to all my classes doing my homework and class work I stopped talking edibles started focusing on my future and I tried my best I stayed out of the deans office Ms.Archer helped me with my Homework and took me to my classes in I was walking around in the halls not in class.The teacher were shocked I knew they thought it was just a act or temporary but I knew it was a new change that I was going to make. A month went by and report cards came out so much was going through my mind, Did I pass or did I just do all this for nothing. After class I ran to Ms. Archers office to show her my report card and I did it I had nothing lower than a 75 percent yes I finally did it I said. Ms.Archer hugged me smiled and congratulated me with the words “I knew you could do it I always believed in you” there I knew Ms.Archer saved me.
In One Sentence tell me What is the single transformative event that you are writing about?
READ INSTRUCTIONS IN ANNOUNCEMENTS FOR HW CAREFULLY. THIS IS PART OF THE HW. WHERE IS YOUR SENTENCE?
NEED PARAGRAPH BREAKS
NEW TOPIC = NEW PARAGRAPH
Need par break! New topic = New Paragraph!
On September 9th, 2022 junior year my friend and I were in the 2nd floor lunchroom at Edward R Murrow High school from this day my friend and I started going around the lunchroom asking people this or that questions like âNicki or Cardi B â or âBurger King or McDonaldâsâ. This is when I met a teacher named Ms.Archer well she wasnât my teacher though she would just watch over the lunch room the time I had lunch which was D band known as 4th period to others she was my favorite teacher, But we would always have little tiny conversations about random things. Ms.Archer was a bit harsh on me and was really serious at times but she has a Kind soul and I loved her from the day we met.
Every time I seen her around in the hallway or lunch room weâve always talked as if we knew each other for years she treated me like I was older and more mature. [SHOW me a typical conversation when she treats you like you are older/mature. WHAT is the dialogue? SHOW me the words]
[Par Break] Junior year was one of my hardest year because I never went to class, I did edibles almost every other day, and started being disrespectful to staff. Throughout all this Ms.archer noticed the little changes I have made and we both knew it wasnât for a good reason. My school had little codes on our ID that meant something whenever you swiped if it was your birthday you would hear a birthday song, if you didnât pay for a book or something it would say warning warning and if you did something bad it will make police sirens. Everyday as I swiped my Id it always made a police siren.
One day I swiped my id and it made a police siren noise [GREAT PLACE FOR DRAMATIC SCENE â WHAT time of day? WHERE? Describe the hallway at morning entry? WHO was there? WHAT were the normal sounds (chatting studentsâŚ), then SHOW the polic siren breaking the normal sounds] I was yelling into teachers classrooms with a few of my friends and they were complaining which made all the deans check the cameras and seen it was me. [TIME LINE PROBLEM: Does this happen after the ID check polic siren? Very confusing.] And I got lunch detention I never cared about lunch detention so it was a breeze, every time the deans seen me they knew I was always up to no good.
As I walked into the deans office that morning there I seen Ms. Archer standing there knew I messed up because every time Iâm in the deans office sheâs never there. [Proper spacing between sentences!] As I looked her in her eyes I Immediately put my head down because I knew she was disappointed. As she watched me walk in she told me to sit down and I knew she had enough and it was time for a talk.
She asked me [TURNINTO DIALOGUE], âWhat iss wrong? Why are you acting out?
[new new speaker =new paragraph]
I looked up and just felt a tear rolling down my right check because I truly didnât know why so I just sat there in silence not knowing how to respond then I heard her say the words âI believe you, you can do good in school if you put your mind to it, you have so much potential donât waste it.â
after she said that she got up and left there I was sitting in a empty room with nothing but the thoughts in my head saying âwhat am i doing to yourself and why am I doing thisâ.
The next week I started off fresh, I started going to all my classes doing my homework and class work I stopped talking edibles started focusing on my future and I tried my best I stayed out of the deans office Ms.Archer helped me with my Homework and took me to my classes in I was walking around in the halls not in class.The teacher were shocked [COULD you turn one of these points into a clear paragraph with CSD â WHAT were the exact things you did differently now â SHOW ME your changed behaviors â Remember Santiago SHOWING us the steps she took to improve her English] I knew they thought it was just a act or temporary but I knew it was a new change that I was going to make.
A month went by and report cards came out so much was going through my mind, Did I pass or did I just do all this for nothing.
After class I ran to Ms. Archers office to show her my report card and I did it I had nothing lower than a 75 percent: âY yes I finally did it!â I said. DESCRIBE CSD â WHAT was on the report card? WHAT were the marks? CSD!!! SHOW ME
Ms.Archer hugged me smiled and congratulated me with the words âI knew you could do it I always believed in youâ there I knew Ms.Archer saved me.